Yearly cycle

I’m sitting on the deck, ingesting newsprint ..literally. I just realized I’ve been licking it off my fingers whenever I turn the page. Now clouds are filling the sky and blocking the sun ..it’s getting c~c~cold ..I know that there's a three day storm coming ..plenty of wind and rain they say ..this may be the last rays of sun. Doesn’t bother me, we need the rain. I’ll hunker down ..light a fire ..drink some wine ..listen to the thunder ..and celebrate another yearly cycle.

Digression of sight

The images inside my head keep crowding out what’s in front of me ..I take my hands off the keyboard ..rub my eyes ..and watch as angels pass ..and neon bolts of lightening flash. They’re still there when I open my eyes ..blocking the computer screen ..well, I really wasn’t doing anything. I follow them down the street ..not stopping for cars or trees ..damned if they don't pass right through everything ..swirling as they go ..moving faster ..I grab hold ..everything becomes a blur ..the roadside turns into a stream ..my lungs burn ..things fly by before my brain has time to find the words ..

Superstitious behavior

It took a modern-day scientist, traveling back in time, to start the biological process that lead to the human race ..God was so angry with George Steinbrenner this year that the Red Sox won the world series ..forty vestal virgins are waiting for me in heaven if I blow up the world trade center. These are superstitious beliefs ..no more valid than a lunatic shouting that the world is gonna end tomorrow. Yet, this is what some people want their school districts to teach instead of science. Many doctors get their inspiration during childhood. When I see the medical breakthroughs coming out of genetics and evolutionary biology ..I think it would be a shame to let supernatural beliefs get in the way.

Tuesday afternoon

Black and white has turned into green, yellow and red ..all the colors of a Grateful Dead concert ..there’s a farmers market downtown and I’m walking from place to place like a rat out of a cage ..following the fragrance of tangerines, honeydew and sage. I buy a carton of strawberries and eat them along the way ..I toss a buck to a street musician playing ‘here comes the sun’ ..look up and see ‘Aeon Flux’ showing at the Metro ..I breath deeply ..inhaling ocean air ..remembering that 12-foot monsters are pounding the shore today ..I’m content to be right where I am ..I duck into a funky music store ..blaring Eddie Veder ..I can’t find ‘Panic in the Disco’ ..I do find the Bob Dylan DVD I want though ..concerts from his early days with Joan Baez ..I’ll check it out later ..back on the street ..I hear a flute ..watch smiling people pass by ..and duck into a celebrity T-shirt store ..no 'Panic' here ..and no 'Gerard Way' figurines either ..but at least that made the sales girl laugh ..I duck inside a funky clothing store ..selling island jungle threads made out of hemp ..I get some drawstring pants ..plum and blue ..outside ..I buy some avocados for a salad ..and bee pollen for smoothies ..feels so positively Southern Californian.

Spymaster Bush ..?

Bush said: "In the weeks following the terrorist attacks on our nation, I authorized the National Security Agency ..to intercept communications of people with known links to Al Qaeda .." as well as a few of my former fraternity brothers (italics are mine).

I think Bush can thank Nixon for the trouble he’s in over eavesdropping. Congress passed the law requiring court approval for domestic surveillance in 1978 ..in response to the abuses of the Nixon Administration. Nixon used the CIA to spy on American citizens ..the Justice department to persecute them ..and the IRS to audit them. He targeted journalists ..college students ..and his political rivals ..the last of which got him in real trouble ..and lead to his impeachment and resignation. Nixon was mean-spirited and vindictive ..he kept a list of personal enemies ..not enemies of the state ..and he used this information to ruin people’s lives. That’s not the case here ..I don’t believe Bush is mean-spirited or vindictive ..he doesn’t seem to have a personal vendetta. He’s doing it to fight terrorists. I don’t think we need to worry about losing our civil liberties because of it. Maybe the terrorists do.

Reading behavior

Scientologists claim they can cure dyslexia. Tom Cruise is a member ..and he’s dyslexic ..so it sounds credible. I work with a foundation that gives grants to people studying reading disorders. It's a tough problem to beat. Last year they gave me an assignment to find out whether Scientology’s claims have any scientific merit. It didn’t take me long to see that they don’t publish their methods in the scientific literature. I couldn’t find any studies to support claims that the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard help people with dyslexia. There are a lot of personal testimonials from followers like Tom Cruise ..but no verifiable results.

Meditation time

I’m at the Vedanta temple for meditation ..but the thoughts swerving around my head make me feel like I’m sitting in heavy traffic ..I hope I’m not breathing too loud ..I sway in rhythm to the music ..and look around to see if I’m doing it like everyone else ..I straighten up and try to focus ..and the chair in front of me comes into view ..I look a little higher ..and see the altar ..I wonder what offerings I should make ..maybe some mangoes ..maybe some of my ‘worldly concerns’ ..I don’t want those anymore ..like my preoccupation with what other people think about me ..somebody once told me I could do that ..a Zen monk ..he said it was a good way to practice letting go.

Reading behavior

I'm practicing 'mindful reading' this morning ..seeing what pops into my head while I read ..the writer (Jack Kerouac) talks about the time he was working on an oil tanker ..and I see images of winches and booms from my own sailing experience ..only the ones here look much bigger and oilier ..I even hear oil sloshing around in the hold ..I look at the inside cover to see when it was written ..1954 ..makes me wonder how long we’ve been hooked on this stuff for.

On deck

.. sitting on the deck
wondering when I should go
up the rocky coast road.
Big Sur may not be far away
but it’s on top of the world
at the jaggedy edge of the USA

Hallucinogenic zone

Never again is what she swore ..the time before.

Land grab

There is a congressman from El Cajon California ..near San Diego ..who is so fond of Santa Rosa Island ..a wildlife sanctuary off the coast of Santa Barbara ..that he wants to turn it into his own private hunting reserve ..by declaring eminent domain ..putting it under control of the US military ..then allowing access to only himself and other members of congress. What does he think the country is ..his own backyard ?

Brain to mouth

Language pathways in the brain are still developing during adolescence ..forming a big bundle of nerve fibers that connect Broca’s area (responsible for speech) to Wernicke’s area (responsible for meaning) ..I think these fibers are supposed to make sure that what comes out of my mouth makes sense ..anyway some big study ..I forget where ..says that marijuana effects the growth of these pathways ..I guess that explains why sometimes my mouth says things that I don’t recognize.

Continuing education

I finished my final project for database servers this week ..next week I receive a take home final for visual basic ..now I know this instructor’s exams ..they’re like projects ..it’ll take me the whole week to do .. so I had to make sure the lab didn't lift my privileges on Monday ..I need them until the end of the semester..I asked Sara, head of lab support, if I should submit an authorization form ..and she said: nah ..I’ll just do it. I thought that was pretty decent of her ..but now I'm faced with the prospect of spending another week in the lab. AAGGHHHH. Think I'll take P.E. courses in the spring.

Laura and Jade

Bowlful

Zen adapts

A 1,500 year old Buddhist Monastery, on a remote mountain top in the middle of China, has flung open it's doors to modern society. They have satellite internet ..a web site ..cell phones ..and the Abbot often leaves the meditation hall to attend board meetings in Hollywood California. The monks are even getting MBA’s and learning telecommunications. Have they gone commercial ..? I think not, for me they are an example of how Buddhism adapts to changes in society. A Buddhist revival in China is creating big demand for their services ..and Hollywood studios are anxious to tell their story. It is a Buddhist tradition to accept change ~ and be part of the global community.

You can see them online at Shaolin Temple.

Death by drug arrest

We put hundreds of people to death every year in the US for violating drug laws ..they become victims of prison violence ..dying at the hands of gang members and murderers. In addition, criminal prosecution ruins lives and careers ..which often leads to destitution and suicide. Now, the number of people being killed during police raids is going up ..thanks largely to new property-forfeiture laws and ambitious government officials. In Malibu California, a small army of police smashed into the home of an innocent ranch owner ..and shot him to death when he ran in panic. Drug laws distort law enforcement priorities ..instead of chasing violent criminals, police target ordinary citizens ..and fill our prisons with people who do not belong there. Isn't there a more realistic and sophisticated approach to drug use other than criminalization ..

This was part of a long-winded comment I made to Keshi ..regarding the execution of a 25-year-old Australian in Singapore. You can see her blog at Viva forever .

Lab incident

Someone left an anonymous voice-mail with a big-shot college official saying that they saw somebody from tech support yelling at students. They did not say who it was or anything. Tech support learned about it today when their department chair sent an email around. Now, I've never heard anybody yelling in the lab ..it's actually a peaceful place ..so, who knows what really went down. The attention seems to be on Silvy tho ..he’s a big guy with a commanding presence ..and a booming voice. I think he's a colorful character ..I often see him joking around with students. He’s from New York City, where ..if you’re not yelling at someone ..your not expressing an interest in them. From that perspective ..yelling is a good thing. In any event, I think it shows how an incident can look much different to people on the outside.

At home

at home on earth
land and sea
on a mountain peak
tent wide open
senses clear
a deep breath
no separation here

Wayward child

Most people agree that the moon is the celestial child of Mother Earth ..but, isn't anyone worried that someday it’s going to leave her side and try to make it on it's own in the universe ? ..like a wandering planetoid on the rough streets of the milky way ?

Higher education

When I was in college ..I regarded learning as it’s own reward. I felt like an explorer with a big curiosity to fill. I loved books ..ideas ..theories ..arguments and discoveries. I know that this sounds like a lot of sentimentalist bullshit – most students I talk to today consider higher education a distasteful digression on the way to landing a job making big bucks. Well, you know ..fortunes come and go ..but a resilient mind doesn’t crumble ..it adapts. College is not just a trade school ..it’s a place where you learn how to actively explore ..be receptive and continually refresh your mind. I find these things more valuable than any job skill I ever learned. Society and technology change too fast ..there’s not many jobs skills worth hanging on to.

Day before Thanksgiving

I wake up feeling absolutely no sense of urgency ..I go downstairs ..eat breakfast and chat online with my sister Nancy. There’s an ‘onshore flow’ which means cool and breezy conditions by the water ..so, I go to the computer lab ..and see if I can get caught up ..but end up sitting and talking to John instead. Afterwards, I go to the gym ..not to exercise ..but to sit outside ..eat lunch and watch the tennis players ..which was fortunate because otherwise, I wouldn't have run into Michelle ..with whom I used to work. She tells me what’s been happening ..without a single word of complaint ..which is remarkable because I don’t often hear people talk about work without complaining. She tells me that Sandra Williams is now head of operations ..and Eric Jackson oversees software development. I’m glad to hear it. Eric was my neighbor when I moved to town in 1990 –living down by the harbour. Back then he was a college student wondering what to do with his life..

Water rat

The ocean gives me vitality ..makes me feel high for the rest of the day ..like I'm on opium. The shock of cold water awakens my body ..sends a rush of blood to my head .. and awakens my mind. It surrounds me ~ moves me ~ takes away the pain of walking upright ~ and the pressure of holding myself together. Out here, there is no gap between what I expect and what happens ~ just water molecules in motion ~ or what Buddhists call ~ flowing cohesion.

Infinite summer

Ahhhh, it feels like ‘Tucson by the sea’ ..this is the real summer season in Santa Barbara ..I’ve been in the water almost every day. There’s a local condition known as an ‘offshore flow’ where hot air blows down from the mountains ..pushing cold ‘marine air’ out to sea. It makes the beach feel like the desert. I did some exploring. It turns out that the offshore flow is part of a larger weather system that moves in a circle ..if there’s an off-shore flow here – it means there’s an on-shore flow somewhere else. Sure enough, I watched a giant fogbank move out to sea this morning ..travel up the coast ..then loop back on shore further north ..around Hollister Ranch ..where I sat on a cliff and watched it roll over me this afternoon.

Indian summer

Mi Ahijada

While I was married, my wife Laura and I would travel to Mexico and visit her family. On one of these trips, we baptized her niece Karla, the daughter of her sister Evelyn –becoming the child’s Godparents. In Mexico, that makes you the adoptive parents in case anything happens. Karla was six years old then. Laura and I split up four years ago ..and we haven’t seen each other since. Well, that changed last Friday while I was walking home from the market. A gray truck pulls up with a little girl waving at me from the passenger window. I walk over to see if they needed any help when I realize that Laura is driving and the little girl is Karla – mi Ahijada! Her mother Evelyn was killed in an auto accident ..and no one knows much about the father. Karla wanted to see her Padrino (Godfather). We hugged and kissed. I was in shock. Their story brought me to tears. Karla now lives with Laura in Ventura, California. Her 12th birthday is three days away and I’m wondering what to get her.

Walking path

I used to go to the Zen center before they moved away. Sometimes they would lead us in 'walking meditation' where we would walk mindfully through the hall ..stopping at the statues of various bodhisattvas, like Kanzeon and Manjusri ..and bowing out of respect for their teachings. Now I practice walking meditation on a path that starts behind my house. Part of it passes through a botanical garden where I’ve learned the names of some of the trees growing along the side. So now, I stop and pay hommage to things like the Chinese bamboo ..the Hollyleaf Cherry ..the Mountain Ebony ..the Himalayan Indigo ..a giant succulent ..and all of it's children and grandchildren growing wild on either side. I mean, what would my walking path be without them.

Tech support

I decided to collaborate with John on my BIG computer project. The thing is, he doesn’t know he’s collaborating ..in fact, I don’t think he would agree to it if I asked him outright. So, I tricked him by asking for his advice ..and drawing him in slowly. Now he’s captivated. For John, that comes natural ..he’s tech support. I‘ll drop by the lab next week and see if he's finished .

Small feats

I'm learning by example from our country’s leaders. They just got back from a two-day summit in Latin America ..without reaching an agreement. They're calling it an accomplishment. From now on, when I look back on my day and see that all I did was chat ..I'm going to consider that an accomplishment too. Don't get me wrong ..I'm not implying anything about our leaders ..I think communication is a good thing.

Big picture

A neuroscientist named Allison Sekular reports that young people are quicker than older people at making detail discriminations ..but that older people are better at seeing the big picture ..and recognizing patterns. I can relate to that. I can usually tell when surfing conditions are improving by the direction of the wind ..the color of the ocean ..and the flight pattern of the birds. Younger people, on the other hand, sense surfing conditions from rapid pressure changes underneath their board ..right before they get demolished by the wave.

Gina

Gina is from Malaysia ..she is studying Zoology ..specializing in birds of the coast. I asked her what she thought about the theory that birds evolved from dinosaurs. She said: “It’s a fact that birds evolved from dinosaurs – not just a theory”. Pelicans are the closest to dinosaurs “predators of the sea” she called them. Hey, no quarrels from me ..I’ve seen them hunt. “They look pretty efficient” I commented. “Oh yeah” she said, “They communicate telepathically ..that’s why they can take off and fly in such tight formations.” OK ..I was afraid to ask whether that was a fact or a theory. She told me a lot of other things about birds. Let’s see, raptors became hawks ..the black birds I see on the shore all the time are called “cormorants”. She said they’re so smart that they can count ..I forgot to ask what. Pelicans fly in formation by drafting like cyclists ..the ones in front produce an updraft that allows the ones in back to float ..the leaders will eventually peel off and take their turn in back to rest.

Indian summer v.4

I wake up ..drink some coffee ..chat online with my sister Nancy ..then rush out the door. I put the top down ..zip through town ..turn up the Stones ..drown out the voices ..and check out the shore ~ I watch waves crash on the beach ..feel wet sand on the soles of my feet ..and take a running leap ..reawakening in the ocean. I ride a few in ..swim past the impact ..slow down and breath ..and just float for a while. I see pelicans dive-bomb for fish ..there’s even a family of seals out here today. They must have just moved in ..they weren’t out here yesterday.

Halloween

My neighbor Dez is a singer in a Goth rock band. He's very popular ..performs at all the Oz fest concerts. At home though, he is a family man ..with a wife and two kids ..they’re the sweetest neighbors. This is the first Halloween that I've been home since they moved in. Turns out Halloween is the biggest holiday of the year for them ..kind of like Christmas. They put up outdoor lights ..make you walk through a cemetery with tombstones and great big ghoulish-looking pumpkins. When you get to the porch, holographic ghosts whirl around ..projected on vapor ..and reeeal strange noises come from inside – muhwahahahahahaha.

Repose

Oh wow, deck time ..it’s been awhile. Feels good ..I got my laptop ..I'm listening to Patrick O’Hearn ..and I'm sipping Jamaican rum ..facilitates the writing process. Another weekly cycle is complete ..and I’m restoring myself for the next one. There are other cycles out there as well ..I'm not travelling in a straight line. Seasons come in cycles ..the tide comes in cycles ..waves hit the beach in cycles ..and nerve impulses reach my brain in cycles. I recently added more cycles by enrolling in college courses. Now I have classroom cycles ..and a lot of little ‘computer lab’ cycles in inside of those. They’re starting to interfere with my journal writing and sleep-wake cycle.

Licorice buzz

I’ve discovered a new taste sensation ..black licorice and chocolate. Trader Joe sells gooey licorice from Australia ..along with chocolate butter biscuits. I recently put the two together and went orbital. This is an entirely new level of decadence. It's given me an idea for a new product. What I want to do is put a smidgen of chocolate and crunchy biscuit inside the licorice. Now, I know there's a lot of licorice candy already out there ..so what I’m thinking of doing is adding a pinch of hashish from Afghanistan .. the taste alone gives you a buzz ..combine that with the sugar high you get ..and I bet you I'll make a million bucks ..I’ll call them tar balls ..they’ll help rebuild Afghanistan's economy.

Booted

It’s 3:00 AM and I’m wide-awake ..someone actually threw me out of my dream ..and I’m pissed. Doesn’t look like I’ll be getting back to sleep anytime soon ..feel too unsettled. So, I lay here and wonder what it means ..unresolved conflict ? Fear of banishment ? A sense of urgency ? Foreboding ? Torment by some inner demon ? Imbalance in the flow of my qi ? Sugar kicking-in from the starchy white rice I had with Japanese dinner ? I wonder if there is any sake left ?

Chainsaw

A man with a chainsaw woke me up this morning ..he wasn’t actually standing by my bed ..he was pounding on the door ..and I answered it before I was awake. The people in my dream hadn’t disappeared yet ..and I wasn’t sure who he was. I asked if he wanted my wallet or my limbs ..he said my car ..and I said, what? and then ..oh yeah ..you’re from the tree service ..I’ll go move my car ..just need a moment for this dream to end.

Noodles

Instant Raman noodles are becoming a bigger part of my diet ..sometimes they’re dinner. I’m talking about the kind that comes in a disposable cup. It starts out as a clump. I add boiling water and suck them up. Should I be worried ..? They’re replacing my diet of rice and beans from Taco Bell.

Alejandro

Alejandro (pronounced Alee~hand~ro) used to sell jewelry on the beach in Acapulco. He learned English from the American tourists ..and French from the Canadian tourists. His English is good ..and so is his French. He’s studying accounting and is an expert with QuickBooks. He’s sharp and quick-witted. I’m sure the local business community would love to hire him when he’s through. It’s going to take awhile though ..he’s enrolled as an international student and pays exorbitant tuition ..which means he can only take one or two classes a semester. In addition, he works manual labor jobs whenever he can. This is the hard way. If it were me ..I would have probably given up by now. He is very industrious though ..I see him in the lab almost every time I go.

Fog blog

It’s c~c~cold out here. The fog is low and spreading out over the shore. I plunge into the ocean anyway. After that, it feels like a warm day. The sun occasionally burns a hole through the mist. I drive up the mountain and get above it. Nothing but blue sky up here. Below me ..a soft white blanket covers the coast and fills the canyons. I take refuge at the Vedanta temple. I thrive on being in the elements though ..reminds me that I live on a planet.

Huyen

Sara, the head lab tech, suggests that I take more continuing education courses in computer science ..I tell her that I plan to ..but, I’m really thinking about taking courses in something else ..like literature or creative writing. I see Huyen and give her the wetsuit and fins that I promised her. I don’t expect anything in return. I’m working on being less selfish ..trying to break the cycle of always asking what’s in it for me ..me ..me. Anyway, Huyen (pronounced Winn) was delighted. She loves the ocean, even though she can barely swim ..I hope the fins help. She was born in Vietnam the same year the war ended –1975. It’s not clear to me how she got here. I'm sure there's a story behind it. She studies accounting and hopes to become a CPA someday ..she is so diligent I think she'll make it.

Online ads

Google and Microft are bidding for all the eyeballs stuck on AOL. They're worth billions of dollars in advertising. Eventually, Web sites are going to look like racecars ..covered in hundreds of logos.

Night sky

It’s a warm night ..I’m outside looking at a full moon that is so bright ..it’s like a hole was punched in the night and a phosphorous glow is pouring through from the other side ..illuminating everything in it’s path. I swear there’s something else out here. A mystical presence that's hard to describe. The night sky is alive ..like a bell ringing in the meditation hall ..sending waves of starlight and space that bathe my skin and senses with energy and rhythm. So, I go put on the Moody Blues, turn them up loud ..take off my clothes and go back outside and dance in the moonlight. Thank you night sky ..whoever you are.

Hiking trail

I’m practicing meditation of the trail ..hiking along with my eyes to the ground ..watching the earth pass beneath my feet ..also sensing what’s in my periphery ..rocks and trees curve around me ..the stones on the trail feel loose and brittle ..I can hear them pinging ..better take my hand ..it feels like an avalanche ..the trail branches and becomes a riddle ..each destination invisible ..we get together and decide ..we arrive at a lake reflecting the surrounding mountainside ..emerald green ..suddenly flocks of wild geese take off –woooosh! We meet a man with a boat and float downstream like a leaf ..the circumstance of existence becoming more extraordinary with each passing instance.

Josie's eyes

Josie’s eyes are slow to adjust to a textbook after she’s been watching the teacher. Teacher looks ok ..book looks ok ..the problem is in the transition ..that short period of time when the eyes need to re-focus. She doesn’t have a reading problem. I don't even think she has a vision problem. She’s just a kid whose eyes are adjusting to the classroom environment ..not what they were originally programmed for. They gave her bifocals anyway and told her she has to wear them all the time. Now she has difficulty walking ..the ground looks like a staircase and the periphery is blurry. She has to quickly turn her head towards whatever she needs to see. It's all messed up ..she says. I recommend to her parents that she keep the glasses in the case and use them only during class. I don’t want her to get hurt ..nor do I want her to get accustomed to seeing things this way.

Indian summer v.3

Someone yelled “..I mock you with my monkey pants”. I had no idea what that meant ..so I yelled back: “I hunt you with my safari shirt.” The light changed and I drove on ..there’s no telling where that conversation was going ..that's ok ..it was a very hot day. I went to the lab ..saw Huyen .. but she was too busy to talk. I have a wetsuit and a pair of fins waiting for her in the car ..because I know she loves the ocean ..but she’s so small and frail I’m afraid she might disappear someday. Later on I plunged into the ocean myself ..ideal conditions ..glassy surface ..not too cold ..Indian summer ..offshore flow. Afterwards I put the top down ..and drove up into the mountains ..where I sat for meditation at the Vedanta temple ..which is kind of a neat trick, just getting out of the water and everything ..even saw the sunset from there.

Lab beat

The head lab tech told the dept chair to ‘buzz off’ last night .. actually it was more like: “I have an emergency so, if you don't have a bigger one ..buzz off!” They were at the computer next to me when this occured ..and I swear I could hear the lab techs take a collective breath and hold it ..it sounded like: ssssshhhhhhwwwoop. But the dept chair just laughed and asked “..what's the matter?" She said something about ‘policy rights and directories’ and he went “you win” ..and buzzed off. The room went: Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh. Ten minutes later she turns to me and says: “..what the hell ..am I going crazy?” ..then looks around and says “..where is that drumming noise coming from..?” I froze and tried to listen but couldn’t hear anything. Before I could evade the question ..or lie ..she slams down her stuff ..gets up and walks out of the room. Five minutes later she comes back and says “..can you believe that ? There was a band playing right underneath us ..geeeeshh.” But she put an end to that toot- sweet and I said something like: way to go girl. I never did hear anything tho ..and neither did the guy sitting next to me. Around 9 pm, after the tension lifted ..the lab techs thought it was important to find out who replaced the printer paper ..with colored paper. They were all looking at another lab tech named John, cuz he's a nice guy and would do that for somebody. But he was like “..hey, I haven't been near the printer all night.”

Indian summer v.2

Indian Summer ..! I've rolled up my sleeves and I’m running around like a maniac trying to get everything out of the way ..so I can get on with the business of cramming as much as possible into the rest of the week ..like swimming in the ocean ..hiking to Caliente Springs ..pounding on the computer keyboards (can't get this out of the way fast enough) ..and seeing Anne. I know she wants to go wine tasting at Brander Vineyard sometime this week ..as well as see Kate Rigg at UCSB. She’s an Asian standup comic who does edgy sociocultural satire. Sounds like fun ..my taste in art leans toward edgy. We enjoyed listening to Greg Brown at SoHo last week ..he’s a folk singer with a deep baritone voice ..kinda' sounds like a cross between Lucinda Williams and Barry White.

Indian summer v.1

For the last several days, it has been like eighty degrees outside and absolutely gorgeous. Unusual weather for a beach town where it can be foggy and cold during the months of summer. Today, however, my body is rebelling ..getting back at me for a week full of head-banging hours in the computer lab followed by torturous spells in the ocean (where the water temperature hovers near freezing) ..in addition to strenuous and twisted hiking trails. Consequently, I’m sitting on the deck trying to medicate the last complaining nerve fiber by pouring whiskey and beer over it. Forget painkillers ..I need anti-psychotics to get at the root-cause of this misery ..and find a cure for my misguided drive to max-out Indian Summer.

Hiking trail

We hiked Coldsprings Canyon today. Started out on a goat trailhigh up on the side of the canyon then went down a switchback trail that leads to a place where there's tall trees, boulders and a stream. I knelt down by a pooland watched fish swim through my fingers. Made me laugh. We walked for a while until the canyon walls got so close we could hear our voices bounce off. Jim says that there were Indians living here once and I imagine tribes of people drawing water and carrying fish.

before heaven and earth

lay something nebulous

silent isolated

unchanging and alone

eternal

the mother of all things

i do not know its name

so i will give it a word

and the word is

tao

by Lao Tsu

sixth century B.C.

Copy cats

I watch for developments in biomimicry. Biomimicry is the art of solving problems by looking for similar obstacles in nature ..then seeing how nature acts to overcome them. It’s the way doctors in ancient China discovered medicinal properties of plants. Today, physicians treat stroke victims by using medicine based on the saliva of vampire bats ..it keeps blood from clotting so that bats can drink longer ..and doctors can relieve blocked arteries.

Computer engineers study the inner ear so that robots have better orientation and can pick themselves up after they fall. They also study the way the brain processes information in order to keep robots from crashing into things. Just like us, they have to sort through streaming input, detect obstacles and adjust. Interestingly enough, they also become neurotic ..sometimes they sense ‘phantom obstacles’. That is, they see problems that aren’t really there.

Offshore flow

There is a distinct line on the horizon separating the ocean and the sky. No blur, which means there’s still an offshore flow ..no marine layer to fog things up. Jim and I walk along the beach ..watching the waves and the birds ..and he tells me that ‘birds are transformed fish.’ ‘Huh ? ..are you saying birds evolved from fish ?’ ‘No, I’m saying that they eat fish’ ‘Hmmm, couldn’t you just say that birds are digested fish ?’ ‘Yea, same thing.’ ‘Ok, ok ..since they’re part of a food chain ..can you also say that fish are future birds?’ ‘Ummm, no ..I don’t think the fish are aware of that.’ ‘Now wait a minute ..how do you know what fish think ?’ ‘Well, I don’t think they’re counting the days till they become birds.’ The line between the ocean and sky is blurry now ..I think the flow must have shifted onshore.

Wet rat

I am at the college ..sitting outside by the fountain ..and I can see smoke from the Topanga Canyon fire drifting out to sea. That means there’s an offshore flow today ..not the usual marine layer ..it’s really hot ..101 degrees ..and very dry. I’m taking a break from the computer lab where I’ve spent the last three hours in techno-hell. Didn’t accomplish a thing because of stupid file-handling problems. I assure myself I’m not to blame because other people are having the same problem ..I know this because I can see them on Google when I search for the error message. It feels like an oven out here ..my own private Idaho in there ..I'm thinking about going for a swim in the ocean!

Soundtrack

I woke up this morning feeling strange. Each moment arriving in a flash ..disconnected from the last. I eat a sloppy breakfast of Quaker oats and spilled coffee. I feel numb and I’m having trouble connecting to my surroundings ..and getting things done ..like cutting fruit for my cereal. I hear my brain shouting ‘wakeup ..wakeup !!!’ I can barely operate the sound system. I’m sitting on the deck feeling woozy ..but after awhile the tunes start to register and my thoughts fall into step ..almost like a soundtrack. I hear songs with phrases like: “don’t be shy ..let your feelings roll on by ..in your eyes ..in the arms of the angels ” and I realize how powerful a soundtrack can be ..music invokes memories and feelings that can make a movie more or less accessible ..heightening receptivity to the visual images flashing by. All I need is the right soundtrack.

Conundrum

The cocaine trade is pretty stable. U.S. supplies have not changed over the last five years in spite of $3 million spent by the Bush administration to eradicate this bounty using aerial surveillance. I think the Colombian 'coca' farmers are learning from the coffee farmers just how sustainable ‘shade grown’ cultivation can be.

Wharf rat

I am able to get along with the crazy people living down by the wharf. We share similar delusions. Some of them seem to have adjusted to their delusions ..as obsessive and irrational as they may sound. Charlie Swift was an engineer ..spent 20 years in industrial design. He left his wife at home one night to buy a bottle of wine ..and didn't return. He thinks she's still waiting for him ..but he’s afraid to go home because of the trashing he'll get. He's been imagining it since ’93. Those were the days when he drank cabernet. Now his wine of choice is burgundy. Unlike people I meet at the clubs, I don't believe I've ever met a wharf person who says there's a brand of wine that's beneath them to drink.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A new book by T.C. Boyle called ‘Tooth and Claw’ sounds good if you want to read more about people trapped by obsessive-compulsive behavior. Brain Lock by Dr. Jeffrey M. Schwartz, is a good book if you want to read about obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) from a clinical viewpoint. It is highly readable and uses case studies to describe methods for helping people suffering with OCD.

Lab rat

I think I’ve been spending way too much time in the computer lab ..I'm seeing Windows everywhere and the lab tech is starting to look attractive. I don't mean she ordinarily looks like Lisa Loopner (Gilda Radner on Saturday Night Live). She’s really very pleasant ..great big oval-shaped eyes, very green .. a wide smile, very bright ..and I like the way her face lights up when she talks about MP3 Podcasts. Anyway, this morning she welcomed me with a smile and said: “your back ..poor thing”. Now, I wonder, did she mean ‘poor thing’ as in ..‘poor thing ..you work so hard’ or ‘poor thing ..you must have nothing better to do ..how pathetic’. Actually, it’s me who’s wondering how pathetic I am. So, instead of hanging around ..I do a few quick keystrokes and duck out of there. I think of something I can do to make me stop feeling like such a geek. I go to Morninglory Records and explore. Music renews my spirit. While I’m there I discover ‘Devendra Banhart’ ..very unique, he sounds neo-folk. Very cool ! I hang out at State&A listening to a group called ‘Coral Sea’. They sound sort of like Coldplay ..except with strings ..very sweet ! Next time I go to the computer lab ..maybe I won’t feel so pathetic.

Uncharted territory

I stayed after class last night to listen to the instructor repeat how ‘delegates’ work in cyberspace. It's like sending someone on a mission (a secondary thread) to make copies. First, you have to give them the address of Kinko’s ..then the address of where to meet back on the main thread safely. OK, I think I got it. While he was talking I flashed back to the second grade where I gave up recess one day to listen to the teacher repeat long division. I didn’t get it at first because I was sitting way too far in the back of class ..and paying much more attention to my immediate surroundings ..namely Mary. Fortunately, I got this uneasy feeling that I missed something weighty. Next I flash-forward to college where I would stay after my neuroscience class, with a few other students, seeing if we could wring anything more weighty out of the instructor. What do I know ? Very little ..there's so much uncharted territory.

Time warp

I'm laying peacefully on the deck under a clear night sky. There's no moon and the stars look like bonfires. First, I find Taurus ..then Orion. Astronomers say I’m looking at past history ..stretching clear from here to the beginning of time. The next morning I’m looking down my street, about to walk to the corner market, when I remember what the Hopi Indians say about time and space: they are inseparable. I’m actually looking forward in time because, from where I am now ..the corner market is in the future. Then I wonder ..aren’t I looking into the past. I mean, I can’t see the future ..all I can do is project the past and all the other times I’ve been to the market. So really, what I’m doing is looking back in memory ..(?) Now I’m sitting on the curb ..feeling kind of lost.

Brink

In New Orleans some people have been pushed to the edge with nowhere left to go. Many of them were already living on the brink ..economically and psychologically speaking. Now their survival is at stake. In Jefferson Parish there is a Mad Max-like community living in squalor ..the social structure obliterated. Although some may have a roof over their head ..they have little food or water ..and no power. Junked appliances and wrecked cars are everywhere. I've been told they have a messiah though ..a social worker who siphons gas and goes driving around scavenging supplies. He comes back dispensing ice, cookies, candles, water and anti-psychotics ..anti-psychotics? I suppose those are good for shattered nerves and broken dreams. Where are they going to go? Many have never been outside of New Orleans ..and they’re frightened of what’s out there. Hell, I would be too if I had to abandon home like that. It's become like a Third World country since it was passed over during the evacuation ..I wonder if we’ll pick them up during the next period of reconstruction.

Resurgence: A new book by E. L. Doctorow called ‘The March’ depicts General Sherman’s demolition of the South ..and how it cultivated the seeds of resurgence.

Geek mind

Fear and loathing in the computer lab ..or mothers, don’t let your children grow up to be techies! I look up ..it’s past midnight and I’m still in the computer lab. I’ve been here through lunch and dinner but my appetite wore off a long time ago. I’m running on fumes of acetylcholine and obsession. I refuse to accept defeat. It’s like there’s a defiant broadcast signal in my brain hollering: ‘why don’t these fucking numbers compute ..why don’t these fucking numbers compute ..and what kind of a fucking loser am I anyway’. But the real question is ..why can’t I just back away from the computer and walk outta here? I haven’t had normal eye contact with anyone for over 24 hours ..and I'm getting delusional. It looks like the guy next to me is eating his keyboard ..another person is muttering over and over again about files from hell ..someone is crying about something irretrievably lost ..there's a guy over there shaking his fist at the screen and shouting about how unstable his connection is. The lab assistants look disturbed. When the guy next to me starts saying something about getting a gun ..I lean over and ask him to shoot me first.

Geek society

I’m going to class tonight ..and, I’ve never felt more stupid ..I’m taking visual basic ..because I always thought it was way cool ..and now they’ve upgraded it to java class ..but I got such a leaky head ..I haven't done anything like this in about a million years ..and there's all these young kids in there going 'what's the old guy doing here ?' ..and I’m going 'what am I doing here ?' ..and when I say ’young kids’, I don’t mean ‘cute college girls’ ..they don't take classes like this .. all the good-looking girls are in the real estate class next door ..come to think of it .. there aren’t too many good-looking guys in here either ..a bunch of pale-skin, spiky-hair, skeleton-thin computer hackers with piercings and tattoos .. jacked up on red bull, Xbox and adrenaline .. jabbering in computer code with razor blades behind their ears ..switchblade knives .. waiting for me in the parking lot ..because they prey on the old and weary ..ok, then Wednesday I’m taking another class ..database servers ..now these guys are so far in the back office that light hurts their eyes ..I feel safer with them though ..they're just anti-social.

Neuro satisfaction

Ever since the MTV Video Awards, the tune “Don’t wanna be an American Idiot” keeps looping through my brain. Now it’s become a mantra for me to enroll at the local college ..and take some computer courses. So far, it’s been challenging. Since I don’t program for a living ..what may be small, routine steps for a classmate are like major undertakings for me. Things like event-handling and multi-threading. So, it’s gonna be slow. Satisfying maybe ..but definitely slow. Satisfaction is a feeling I only get when I do something challenging anyway. It doesn’t last long ..and I become quickly dissatisfied again. According to neuroscientists, satisfaction is the result of neurotransmitters (dopamine and cortisol) flooding my brain whenever I accomplish something new. It’s a temporary state that needs refreshing from time to time. Oh well, I hope that these classes are more satisfying than overwhelming. Otherwise, somewhere down the line I'll be submitting an entry called 'Neuro nightmare'.

A beautiful mind in Lindau

I finished reading 'Beautiful Mind', which was nothing like the movie, but still an excellent account of how to deal with the dieties of mental illness. John Nash went crazy when his ordinary thoughts gave way to the exhilaration of delusions. Delusions are not just childish fantasies ..but compulsions driven by terror and the will to survive. He believed he was receiving messages from superior beings in outer space when he read the New York Times –they told him that the US was becoming a fascist state and we were all being regimented. He became paranoid that independent thinkers like himself would be persecuted.

What I admire about Nash was his ability to counter these delusions and get out from under their influence. He accomplished this through the power of reason ..simply recognizing and rejecting the irrational beliefs that fueled his psychosis. If only my delusions were that easy to get rid of.

I put down the book and look out through the window of my Bavarian sanitarium. Tall pine trees waving in front of stormy gray skies ..not what I expected ..but definitely a break from the usual. Urges me to explore. Maybe that’s why I picked this book out of all the others in my brother’s collection. You learn a lot about things when they fall apart.

Spinoza in Lindau

Benedict De Spinoza was a philosopher living in Amsterdam during the ‘age of enlightenment’ ..around the mid-1600’s. What interests me is that his ideas pre-figured modern day neuroscience ..especially regarding the relationship between the mind and body. He talked about the ‘natural wisdom of the body ..speculating that ‘feelings’ are the mind’s ‘ideas’ about the body ..and so on. Today neuroscientists know we have an ‘interoceptive sense’ that carries messages from the body to the brain where they register as feelings and a sense of wellbeing. Feelings have the same value as other thoughts and ideas when it comes to guiding behavior. In fact, without them people would not be able to make even the most simple decision ..like what to eat or what to wear. The intellect paralyzes ..whereas feelings add weight to information, which, in turn, narrows things down, so we can act comfortably ..without undue deliberation.

Looking for Spinoza,by Antonio Damasio, is a highly readable book on the neuroscience of the mind~body relationship.

Charlotte Simmons, by Tom Wolfe, also shows the importance of feelings. The fictitious Charlotte Simmons is a super smart, high achieving honors student and valedictorian. However in college, her concerns about approval ..what other people think ..and what's 'cool' ..carry more weight than her own 'keen intellect'.

Pfänder bender

Today we launch our first assault on Mount Pfänder (pronounced fender). Jenny, Jeffrey, Cindy, Steve and I hike up to the top ..following one of Jeff’s mountain bike trails. It's a killer hike and I'm gasping for breath. I tell them that this is just like one my regular hikes ..only much, much longer and way steeper. Switch back trails take us through forests full of fir, pine and spruce trees. We hike by streams trickling out of the mountainside ..across lush alpine meadows ..back into the forest ..then out again on top of the world. And Whoaa ..! What a fantastic view of the Bodensee (Lake Constance) ..as well as the Rhine River and Swiss Alps. They tell me this is the ‘Voralsberg’ region of Austria. I repeat to myself ‘For Al’s beer’ a few times until I get it. There is a chalet-style bier garden here ..but it's closed. Bummer. Well, it's not the destination but the thrill of the climb, I say. No problem, Jeff says ..there’s another one back the other way. Treacherous descent though ..sliding down watery trails ..slipping over rocks and skree. No traction thanks to the worn-out tread on my hiking boots. The backside of my shorts are soaked and there are plenty of branching trails to lose my way ..but Jeff and Steve wait so I’d know which one to take. I imagine Jeff mountain-biking down these trails and I shudder. What massive cajones that takes, as well as 'shock absorbing' knees ..and calves the size of trees. Hey, how far is it to that other bier garden ..?

Sister Cindy, Brother Jeffand Sister Jenny

Trim dich

It rained really heavy last night ..which means today we are running up the muddy trail of a ‘trim dich’ course. I would like to get a rhythm going so that I’m not struggling so hard to keep myself upright. I start belting out tunes ..trail tunes like:

‘I don’t know ..but I’ve been told ..it’s hard to run ..with the weight of gold ..(breath, breath) ..other times ..I heard it said (breath, breath) ..it’s just as hard ..with the weight of lead’.

The forest is so thick ..the air is so heavy ..and Cindy and Steve are so far ahead that they can’t hear me. Lucky for them. I’m shouting as loud as I can. Feels liberating. Soon I’m running in step. I reach a temporary anxiety-free zone where there is only motion ..smooth and easy. Nothing pressing down on my chest ..nothing constricting my breath. Just watching my feet strike the ground ahead of me ..in a trance.

Whooosh

It got noticeably more quiet here today, which makes me feel kind of ‘low-spirited’. Nancy, Teresa, Lara and Jade took off from Zurich this morning. Left a big vacuum. It also got a whole lot hotter and more humid. So, I’m sitting on a shady patio, reading, watching the clouds go by and doing as little as possible. I talk to Steve and he asks me to think of a domain name for his electronic voting system. I came up with something like safe_and_representative.org ..in order to stress it’s ‘tamper resistant’ virtues.

Says here how very few moments are ‘emotionally neutral’. So, I think about that for a moment and go ..yeah, I get a ‘rush’ when people pay attention to me ..a ‘buzz’ when they understand what I’m saying –‘demolished’ when they don’t ..‘embarrassed’ that my German isn’t any better ..‘guilty’ that I make Bernadette struggle in English. I see the power I have to amplify my feelings and blow them out of proportion. For me, it’s important to let go of persistent, negative reactions. I counter feelings of ‘submission’ in response to my father’s voice ..which makes me feel like a kid again ..and reminds me of when spilling a bowl of soup was like a major catastrophe. Interesting to sit here and watch these ‘charged’ moments go by.

Homöopathy

I started homeotherapy this morning with Dr. Meßmer. She is a ‘Naturheilpraxis’, which means ‘natural health practitioner’ ..specializing in acupuncture, homöopathy and neuraltherapy. They regard this sort of thing more highly here than in the States ..I think it's part of their medical establishment. It also kind of fits in with the natural surroundings ..taking it’s place among the farms, forests and alpine mountains. I kept waiting for her to prescribe more butter, yogurt and cheese. Anyway, I complained of the usual ..fatigue and neuropathy. Her blood test revealed something that doesn’t show up on my tests in the U.S ..that is, my bone marrow is producing too many ‘immature’ red blood cells ..which helps explain the fatigue. Dr. Meßmer prescribed, among other things, folic acid to help oxygenate my blood, and L-arginine to help my liver detoxify better. She said that my immune system looks strong ..which I’m happy to hear because it means I have a better chance of fighting free radicals.

Hans and Fabian

Cap'm Hans took us on a leisurely cruise around the Bodensee in his little steamboat. How relaxing..! The water comes up to just inches below the rail allowing me to run my fingers through it. The Cap’m told me the Bodensee is 187 kilometers around ..about 116 miles. Hmmm, that’s bigger than Lake Tahoe, which is only 72 miles around. No way, my sister Nancy says. Ja, Tahoe only seems bigger because the road is more winding and we get only glimpses of it whereas we can see more of the Bodensee at one time. Afterwards, we sat at an outdoor restaurant on Wasserburg harbour and chatted.

I was chatting with Fabian because we both speak French. I found her attractive, but didn't let on ..she's Cap’m Hans' girlfriend. However, considering their tolerance for multiple partners around here ..he still lives with his wife .. I was considering asking for her number ..but then I thought it would be more discreet to get it from Bitz. Anyway, she’s originally from ‘Brittany’ ..the northern region of France. She tells me that people in Brittany feel closer to England. They despise Paris and everything south of it. That’s because the region has passed back and forth between the two countries throughout centuries of war. I told her that the Southern States of America still feel that way about the North ..some 125 years after the civil war. She didn’t know that ..so, I went on to explain how the California Coast, as well as the Pacific Northwest, may some day secede from the U.S. government. The culture of the west is becoming just so much different than the culture of the east. She was astonished to hear that ..just as I was surprised to hear about the people of Brittany.

Cap’m Jeff

I’m skipping over Lake Bodensee on a tube ..behind a boat with Cap’m Jeff at the wheel. Whooosh!! Staying inline with the v-shaped wake that keeps narrowing in front of me ..giving him the thumbs-up to go faster ..looking down ..watching the movement of water splitting apart in front of me and then coming back together again behind me ..flowing cohesion ..feeling the spray on my face ..watching the countryside zoom by. Whooosh!! Washing away the accumulated stress of holding myself together on solid ground. Water always makes me feel this way.

Chapella walk

I went for a BIG WALK yesterday ..up through the forest to the Chapella on the hill ..then back by way of Montford Schloß Beer Garden. I did this twice ..stopping only once at the beer garden.My endorphins kick in half way up ..making me feel loose and rhythmical. Swinging my walking stick like a baseball bat and singing: ‘I know you rider’ ..rather loudly, up the hill to the chapella ..where there’s a young lady picnicking. Wonder what she’s thinking ..I’m feeling totally Amerika’n’sch. Everything is vibrating in different waves of green ..as far as my eye can see. I’m surrounded by bright green hills and thick dark forest. At the chapella, I get a panoramic view of the Bodensee ..and a massive weather system full of clouds coming from the northwest.

Wanderweg

I went for a moderate walk yesterday ..down and around the cemetery with Dad. Talking about back pain, hip pain, bad knees and neuropathy. I tried to explain the ‘endorphin’ theory. Then I walked up to Montford Schloß Beer Garden by myself. It was a ‘moderate’ walk because I got lost and ended up going farther than I intended. I couldn’t find the farmhouse that marks the footpath (wanderweg).I’m practicing Pranayama out on the deck this morning ..feeling comfortable. Watching the clouds zoom by in front of clear blue sky. Alpine weather moves fast. It’s about 15° cooler ..and much clearer than yesterday –down from a steamy humid 90° f. The weather doesn’t bother me much though. I have nothing more pressing to do than sit here and go with the flow. The fluid levels in my upper respiratory system are going down too ..in spite of the massive amount of pure dairy food I’ve been eating. Lindau is in Bavaria, which is the dairy producing region of Germany. My sister Jennifer is right, it’s not dairy products that hurt ..it’s all the other stuff they add to it in the U.S.

Things to do around Lindau

Sunbathe nude at the hidden schwimmbad ..then walk around the mediaeval-looking town. Drink beer and watch the boats going in and out of the harbour. Visually follow the surrounding countryside all the way to the Swiss Alps across the lake ..makes you feel like you’re in a fairy tale that’s been going on for centuries.Watch ‘The Incredibles’..‘Big Lebowski’ ..and many others from Jeffrey’s DVD library ..probably see some concert videos and other cultural events that you missed this year. Hike to a beer garden ..drink a ‘raddler' (normal beer with limonada citrone) or ‘cola weissen’ (wheat beer with coca cola) ..play with Jade ..listen to her say things you know she heard her teenage brother say.

Jade

My ten-year-old niece, Jade, looks so young ..like a childhood version of Reese Witherspoon. She weighs only 44 pounds ..but, I have learned not to underestimate her. She can make some pretty tough inferences while reading grown-up material. She can work multiple remote devices and control the PC, IPOD, DVD and TV ..tells me which movie characters to watch out for ..pauses the movie when I leave the room momentarily ..even adjusts the lights for me when I go online. Very tuned-in. She has phonemic awareness in spades ..I could hear it while she was reading aloud and ran into words that she didn’t know ..like ‘illustrative’ All she had to do was sound out the first three phonemes: ‘i..ll..u’ to recognize they were the beginning of a word that she did know .. and said ‘illustration’ ..but she knew that wasn’t quite right and immediately came back with the right word ‘illustrative’. I think the ‘ive’ ending is what threw her ..it didn’t conform to a visual pattern that she could immediately recognize.

Brother Jeff

My brother Jeff and I watched a Peter Gabriel concert DVD ..the same show he saw last year at the outdoor theater on the lake in Bregenz, Austria. Very high-tech performance art. Reminds me of the stuff he did with Laurie Anderson on his ‘So’ CD. Next we listen to ‘Alter Bridge’ ..made up of former members of ‘Creed’ ..which was the best selling group of the nineties ..which is a surprise. Very cool tho ..they’re alternately soft, folksy and hard. We also listen to Jack Johnson, who is definitely folk-jazz ..which is very popular in Germany right now. I like him. Later on we hear his music playing at a nearby beer garden. Over here, I can participate in online communities built around just about anything: music ..poetry ..satellite imagery ..streaming video ..the web of science and the stream of consciousness. Sites that promote ‘social interactions’ rule the net. Even in this small Bavarian town near the Alps ..information connects. I suggest this as a topic for Jeff’s senior thesis. Nah, he says ..not technical enough. He’s working on a degree in network engineering.

Touch down

I land in Zurich ..without my luggage. I’m put-off by this at first, but then I realize I won’t miss it much. There are plenty of provisions here in Lindau ..and everyone is so gracious, thoughtful and kind. Razor blades and t-shirts for me ..a bicycle for Jade. One day Bernadette announces that my luggage is on it’s way. She’s so sweet ..puts stuffed animals in the bed for Jade ..takes the ‘empties’ from my room ..makes life comfortable for everyone.

Take off

LA to New York ..and I’ve been up for almost 12 hours. Oh, I try to sleep on the plane but when I shut my eyes it sounds like every conversation in the cabin, including the jet engines, are going off inside of my head. So, I try polite conversation with the pretty ‘Scarlett Johanson like’ girl in the seat next to me. She works at an art gallery in New York city. Doesn’t own a car ..says she walks to work everyday. I try to imagine what that must be like. She’s originally from Los Angeles but enunciates so clearly that I couldn’t tell. No Southern California slur there. She tells me that she cannot hear the difference between the way New Yorkers and Angelenos speak. She also tells me not to believe what I see in Woody Allen movies. Well, ok ..I figure that’s because she speaks high caliber English with other New Yorkers speaking equally high caliber English. She’s reading ‘The Fountainhead’ by Ayn Rand. I ask her if she thinks the characters sound like they’re giving speeches. She answers no, it sounds like normal conversation to her. Guess that’s because they’re speaking her language ..the one she learned at private schools in Hancock Park .

Flight 64 from New York to Zurich ..I’ve been up for 24 hours now. As soon as I get off the plane from LA ..I’m standing in the boarding line for the flight to Zurich. Kate says it rarely works out that way ..you usually have to run to another concourse. Now I’m hallucinating. I swear the little lady from Switzerland looks like Melissa Etheridge. I suppose she thinks I’m rude for staring ..maybe I should try to explain. Nah, I don’t want to risk getting lost in translation. It is good to hear people speaking German and French though ..just wish they’d do it somewhere other than the inside of my head. There’s a terrible pain going on in there –so I take out the big guns ..vicodin and motrin ..and start flushing my system with so much water that the stewardess stops to ask if I’m all right.

Cosmic California Coast Journal

Notes from an electric guitar slide by the creekside ..between soft beams of sunlight filtering through a canopy of eucalyptus trees. Farther downstream, an abandoned Appalachian-like cabin echoes banjoes, bluegrass and hillbilly brats ..I was raised on the soaring sounds of jet planes ..the exploration of outer space ..the celestial sights of inner space ..the sweet ringing of Jerry Garcia singing ..the mind bending riffs of Jimi Hendrix ..the pulse of San Francisco beat poetry ..and the Zen mind reflecting serenity. I am a hybrid. My origins are interdependent. I follow the trail both east and west. I wander along the dusty aisles of university libraries ..then streak out over online avenues of networked computer galaxies. At my source, I am vibrations ..waves of energy striking the senses ..turning into neural energy ..then traveling to the brain centers that create my experience. I am who I am in the conceptual networks of the mind.

Patricia and Reinhard

Speech to the cosmo computer group

Biomimicry is the art of solving problems by seeing what similar obstacles exist in nature ..then discovering how nature acts to overcome them. One of my favorite examples of biomimicry comes from the story of the Swiss inventor George de Mestral. He was an avid hiker who spent a lot of time removing the burrs that stuck to his clothes at the end of every hike. Curious about how this happened, he examined the burrs and found they contained tiny, hook-like spears that had a natural tendency to attach themselves to the miniature loops found in fabric. He used the same mechanism in the 1950’s when he invented Velcro.

In order to combat biological weapons, the Defense Industry studies the reproductive behavior of insects to see how they detect trace amounts of chemical and biological agents over long distances. In bioengineering, scientists study birds to see how they recognize the songs of their own species in order to come up with better ‘speech recognition’ systems for the disabled. Last year physicists made the first practical observation of ‘quantum teleportation’ ..a trick of nature that could make future computers incredibly small and powerful.

My experience with biomimicry began while I was testing theories of reading comprehension in graduate school. A practical result of this study was to see if we could develop a ‘natural language interface’ to the computer. This was before the advent of the ‘graphical user interface’. My job was to see how people ‘store and retrieve’ information from reading material. I submitted my findings to the computer science department so they could program ‘text comprehension rules’ for the computer. We were developing a system that could answer questions by retrieving information stored on a computer database. In a sense, we were studying the activity of the mind in order to develop a better interface to the computer.

I believe that this type of research has applications in education ..for helping people with reading disabilities ..as well as the computer industry ..for helping web designers build more ‘intelligent’ search engines.

OOPS at the movies

Computer software originally designed for database systems is changing the way movies are made. Instead of creating and storing whole movies on reels of film ..they are stored digitally in small segments ..corresponding to scenes. Each segment contains key information about the cast, location, action and sequence of events. A computer program shows a film by linking these segments and presenting them in their specified order. Filmmakers can pull scenes from older films and reuse them in contemporary films, as well as reformat scenes or entire films for new devices. So now, someone can search through a movie library for everything that has a scene with the ' San Francisco Palace of Fine Arts' in it.

OOPS

Computer software runs much differently today than it did, say, five years ago. It is approaching the state of the art of ‘computer simulation’ - modeling real life situations - like, ‘customers’ waiting in line at the bank ..or ‘fighter pilots’ flying over enemy terrain. Instead of one program, doing all the work ..they are broken down into several programs that mimic people, places and things (objects) and how they interact to get a job done.

In a typical online business exchange, you have programs that simulate people acting as ‘buyers’ and ‘sellers’ who send messages (orders) to one another in a ‘virtual trading space’. When you’re on Amazon.com ..each web page acts as an ‘object’ presenting you with other ‘objects’ such as books, reviews or shopping carts. In addition, there are programs simulating order-takers and shippers. Each one does a small task such as ‘look up book’ or ‘compute delivery charge’ in order to produce the experience of ‘shopping on Amazon.com’

Summertime

Summertime ..to me that means boogie boarding at eucalyptus beach ..taking Pacific Coast Highway to Big Sur ..and, this year ..visiting my family in Germany – 5 sisters and a brother. Means that pretty soon we’ll be sitting in beer gardens ..walking past orchards loaded with apples and pears, too small and bitter to eat ..but just right for the schnapps we drink. We’ll drive through the hops and vineyards around lake Bodensee ..take a ferry to the city of Konstanz, which is a town so old it feels medieval. We’ll also hike up Mount Pfänder (pronounced ‘fender’) ..and take the ‘tele-freak’ (cable car) back down.

Summer look

After solstice it really feels like summer. I went to the store and picked out t-shirts in every ‘cool’ color – sea green, plum, yellow and burgundy. I realize 'coolness' is a property of mind ..not color. Anyway, I also got khaki shorts, jungle fatigues and a pair of swim trunks. When I went to pay with my visa card, they told me it was ‘declined’. What ..? I paid that bill. I got on the phone and found out that my account was blocked because my card number had been stolen, along with like thousands of others, from a ‘merchant center’. OK, well ..good work, I told them ..feeling glad they had caught it in time to save my credit worthiness. Now what? The store – Eddie Bauer – issued me one of their cards. Gave me a discount as well. I thought that was pretty decent of them.

Solstice

Ahhh, craziness ..the summer solstice parade ..a day-long festival ..and a procession of humanity coming from every direction. It's put on by local artists ..not civic organizations ..so there’s no marching bands ..nothing traditional. It's a celebration of life. How pagan. How fun. This year's theme was ‘wild things’ ..which could mean anything ..and usually does ..because anybody can participate in any way they want. For instance, my neighbor walks up the street playing a trumpet ..one of my friends was one of the belly dancers ...a former coworker and his wife used to dress up like scuba divers and pull their kids up the street in wagons with water guns ..until their children grew up and thought it was silly. I buy tons of confetti eggs and hand them out to kids ..tell them it's ok to throw at their parents. For me, the best part is the 'circle of drummers' at the park ..they play a continuous African-tribal beat ..on drums from every part of the world. I join the circle of people surrounding them ..and dance to the rhythm ..until I move past self-consciousness ..and activate a part of me that moves effortlessly. Kind of like at a rock festival.

Pop culture on the brain

There are places in my head that contain the essence of people and places that really matter ..like Halle Barry, Jennifer Aniston, and the San Francisco Palace of Fine Arts. Specific areas of my brain are dedicated to recognizing these culturally significant icons. Related images have a channel-direct connection to them so that little features ..like Halle Barry’s ankle ..will instantly activate my whole concept of her. Less important things, like Brad Pitt’s new movie, do not go near the Jennifer Aniston area. Instead, they get scattered over a much wider area ..and eventually lost. Out of the millions of pieces of information passing through my puny little brain, only those that elicit interest ..and have earned a reputation for being ‘cool’ ..get special ‘sites’ reserved for them ..as well as many pathways leading to them.

Bill: is there any life in jennifer without brad ..?
Nancy: who cares ..i am so tired of her
Bill: ok, now ..who was billy bob thorton married to before?
Nancy: angelina jolie !!
Nancy: she stole him from Laura Dern and there’s a quote from her where she says she would never date a married man ..shit, Dern and he were engaged to be married ..close enough !! so, from that quote, i take it that she and pitt are an item !
Bill: brilliant deduction sherlock
Nancy: lol
Bill: lets see, you got billy bob thorton ..laura dern ..angelina jolie ..jeff goldblum ..geena davis ..brad pitt ..jennifer aniston ..nicole kidman ..katie holmes ..tom cruise ..war of the worlds ..orson wells ..widespread panic
Bill: somehow, when i think of jennifer aniston ..i don't think of Brad Pitt ..i think of lisa kudrow ..lol
Bill: and when i think of lisa kudrow ..i think of sally struthers and the children’s crusade ..or margot kidder and the psychiatric ward
Nancy: lol
Bill: i think margot was writing her biography when she began to get paranoid ..her computer contracted a virus ..she panicked ..delusions set in –she fantasized that her first husband was out to kill her, so she left home –and wound up on the streets
Bill: so now, when i think of jennifer ..i picture this homeless person with an irrational fear of brad pitt
Nancy: lol
Nancy: Didn’t they find Margot Kidder laying in someone’s backyard?br/>Bill: maybe in someone else's cardboard box
Nancy: lol
Bill: i don't think they knew who she was until they booked her into psych-central
Nancy: really ..?
Bill: yep ..
Bill: hey, you know, it’s hard for me to imagine brad pitt going for an ex of billy bob thorton
Nancy: are you kidding ..? have you seen them together in mr and mrs smith ..very beautiful
Bill: ok, but a few years ago could you have imagined brad pitt settling for billy bob’s hand-me-downs?
Nancy: LOL !!
Bill: i can just see brad pitt in an interview saying ..oh, i hang out with billy bob so i can score with the chicks he tosses my way
Nancy: BBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Bill: do you know why her and billy bob split up ..?
Nancy: she wanted kids ... ergo, maddox !!
Bill: maddox ..?
Nancy: that is the cambodian baby boy she adopted .. now 4 ..goes with her everywhere
Bill: i see .. so, you're saying billy bob dumped her?
Bill: who is he seeing now ..? ..halle barry?
Bill: or am i getting movies mixed up with real life
Nancy: you sure are ..she was in monsters ball with him
Bill: wasn’t angelina jolie the psycho blond in 'girl interrupted' ..?
Nancy: Yes. she won an oscar for that performance !!
Bill: so ..billy bob dumped oscar winning psycho blond mrs smith bradgeline ..?
Nancy: lol
Bill: is there any life in jennifer without brad ..?
Nancy: who cares ..i am so tired of her
Bill: ok, now ..who was billy bob thorton married to before?
Nancy: angelina jolie !!
Nancy: she stole him from Laura Dern and there’s a quote from her where she says she would never date a married man ..shit, Dern and he were engaged to be married ..close enough !! so, from that quote, i take it that she and pitt are an item !
Bill: brilliant deduction sherlock
Nancy: lol
Bill: lets see, you got billy bob thorton ..laura dern ..angelina jolie ..jeff goldblum ..geena davis ..brad pitt ..jennifer aniston ..nicole kidman ..katie holmes ..tom cruise ..war of the worlds ..orson wells ..widespread panic
Bill: somehow, when i think of jennifer aniston ..i don't think of Brad Pitt ..i think of lisa kudrow ..lol
Bill: and when i think of lisa kudrow ..i think of sally struthers and the children’s crusade ..or margot kidder and the psychiatric ward
Nancy: lol
Bill: i think margot was writing her biography when she began to get paranoid ..her computer contracted a virus ..she panicked ..delusions set in –she fantasized that her first husband was out to kill her, so she left home –and wound up on the streets
Bill: so now, when i think of jennifer ..i picture this homeless person with an irrational fear of brad pitt
Nancy: lol
Nancy: Didn’t they find Margot Kidder laying in someone’s backyard?
Bill: maybe in someone else's cardboard box
Nancy: lol
Bill: i don't think they knew who she was until they booked her into psych-central
Nancy: really ..?
Bill: yep ..
Bill: hey, you know, it’s hard for me to imagine brad pitt going for an ex of billy bob thorton
Nancy: are you kidding ..? have you seen them together in mr and mrs smith ..very beautiful
Bill: ok, but a few years ago could you have imagined brad pitt settling for billy bob’s hand-me-downs?
Nancy: LOL !!
Bill: i can just see brad pitt in an interview saying ..oh, i hang out with billy bob so i can score with the chicks he tosses my way
Nancy:BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Bill: do you know why her and billy bob split up ..?
Nancy: she wanted kids ... ergo, maddox !!
Bill: maddox ..?
Nancy: that is the cambodian baby boy she adopted .. now 4 ..goes with her everywhere
Bill: i see .. so, you're saying billy bob dumped her?
Bill: who is he seeing now ..? ..halle barry?
Bill: or am i getting movies mixed up with real life
Nancy: you sure are ..she was in monsters ball with him
Bill: wasn’t angelina jolie the psycho blond in 'girl interrupted' ..?
Nancy: Yes. she won an oscar for that performance !!
Bill: so ..billy bob dumped oscar winning psycho blond mrs smith bradgeline ..?
Nancy: lol

Prodigy

An 8 year old boy is brought to the school psychologist. He’s a child prodigy ..plays Bach Piano Concertos from memory. His life revolves around music ..he’s incredibly focused. He practices 6 hours a day on his own ..out of sheer pleasure ..and he would play longer if his mother let him. His teachers ask all the usual questions:

'Is there any danger that he might miss out on regular childhood activities and become anti-social ..?'
'Is third grade going to interfere with his development ..?'
'Is there anything we can learn from him that might help children with attention problems ..?'

Little Jimmy sits on his hands and rocks back and forth ..he doesn’t want to be bothered by all these adult questions. "What would you rather be doing right now Jimmy?" asks the psychologist .

"Playing piano." He responds quickly.
"Ok, what’s the next best thing?"
"S O C C E R ..!" he lights up enthusiastically.
"Who is your favorite soccer player ?"
"Freddy Adu ..he’s awesome !"
"Oh yeah ..how come ?"
"Cuz his favorite movie is Fellowship of the Rings"
"Uh huh ..and what's your favorite movie?"
"Oh, the Rings, I’ve seen it millions of times ..I keep waiting for Sauron to come back *dun dun dun dun dun dun* .."

Proprioceptive Write

I resist exploring the feelings I’m left with after my father leaves. It's sensitive and hurts to touch ..which makes me feel a little bit ashamed because I think I should have gotten over them by now. Things like: I don’t think I’m good enough ..interesting enough ..or smart enough to sustain his interest ..leave me with feelings of inadequacy. I don’t think he enjoys visiting me and seems uncomfortable. I fall somewhere outside his field of interest ..not in-tune with his view of the world ..which I attribute to his depression-era, New York upbringing ..where his perceptions of the world were formed ..and serve as a point of reference ..making the things I say or do seem too West Coast and inconceivably weird ..things like journal writing and zen practice.

Gene pool

The qualities I was born with do not necessarily come from my parents ..it turns out that they could not have been ‘genetically engineered’ with much success either..not that anybody would want to try. No, life in the womb is way too volatile for that. Scientists - reporting in the journal of Nature - say they have found genes that can introduce random variation during embryonic development of the nervous system ..causing deviations from the genetic blueprint that guides the growth of the brain. Genes called ‘retro-transposons’ jump around in neural stem cells ..the cells that give rise to tissues in the brain and nervous system. Retro-transposons act to produce changes in the electro-chemical properties of nerve cells ..changing how they respond to signals ..and the way they link up to form networks. This explains why individual brains differ so much, even between identical twins ..allowing traits to vary from one generation to the next ..without waiting a millennium for some ‘cosmic mutation’ to occur. It also explains why ‘selective breeding’ for psychological traits - such as IQ or music ability - is not always a sure thing. I don't think we have to worry about creating a master race. Life defies our attempts to control these events.

The Wedge

A 2-foot wave bounces off the jetty and moves west ..not toward the shore, but alongside it. Seconds later, this wave collides at 90 degrees with another wave coming straight into shore ..now I’m inside a 6-foot barrel that’s like a rolling green room ..I shoot out in an explosion of water and foam. What a rush.. only someone who’s been there knows the feeling.

American Gothic

Bless you Mary Jesus

Oakland California may be a refugee camp for San Franciscans displaced by the Dot Com meltdow ..for Mary Jesus, it was already home. It was also sanctuary from the demons inside her head, the one’s she thought would go away when she turned 30 ..but they stayed on to torment her more. She was diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder ..but was fine as long as she had a place to live. When that was threatened, she lost her grip. Her apartment was in a stately old building . She refurbished the hard wood floors, hung black lace curtains, and painted her bedroom black and red, tastefully –in Japanese motif –decorated it with her own paintings ..dark, sinister expressions of death and Christian-challenging symbols. She loved the place. Even managed the building for a while ..and very effectively according to some of the tenants. She originally grew up in the goth-rock underground of Sacramento ..and continues to reject mainstream society. She wears black outfits ..black gloves, black sunglasses, black lipstick and parasol. Her friendships often ended abruptly however. Mental instability does that. Now she was being displaced by the rising tide of people displaced from San Francisco. She fighting, but the eviction proceedings are not going well. At the eviction hearing, she put on a dapper black velvet pantsuit and, without an attorney, presented her defense. She lost. Over the next two months there were a series of emergency motions for reconsideration. Twice, Mary Jesus won 30-day stays of the eviction. To pay her rent, she borrowed $900 from publisher Victor Vale, who had often encouraged her to write about her struggles.The conflict turned into despair. Mary's primal fear was homelessness. Twice, she was hospitalized at the county's psychiatric facility after exhibiting signs of extreme anxiety in court. Mary had another hearing to present new facts. But, on the morning of the scheduled eviction — she learned that she had lost her final appeal. Once again, Mary Jesus was transported to the county psychiatric hospital in restraints. She was released later that day. Returning to her apartment, she put her belongings in plastic bags and hung them as gifts on the doorknobs of neighbors ..she wrote a note, complete with court case names and numbers, and made 200 photocopies. She took the elevator to the balcony of the Tribune tower, climbed over the railing and tossed the notes to a crowd of people below. Then, to everyone’s horror, she took a deep breath ..held her nose with one hand ..raised the other in the air ..and, like a someone jumping into a pool, she plunged to her death

Things to do around Newport Beach

Have breakfast on the beach ..preferably coffee, bagels and Greek olives. Listen to Red Sparrows (the soundless dawn came ..). Plunge into cool clear morning ocean. Watch tiny little fishes swim around you. Pour on sunblock. Walk past the jetties. Watch adrenaline surf junkies at the Wedge. Eat lunch at Original Pizza. Take the ferry. See your kid sister ....and her kids. Watch the waves break like little white lines pouring out of the pitch black night sky. Feel them pound the sand underneath your butt. Feel glad.

Chatting with Anna

Anna Palmer

Anna: any time i need to see your face ..i just close my eyes and i am taken to a place ..where your crystal mind and magenta feelings ..take up shelter in the base of my spine ..sweet like a chic-a-cherry cola.
Bill: lets see, that sounds like, uhhh ..savage garden !
Anna: lol of course.
Anna: how have you been doing?
Bill: simply wonderful ..
Anna: thats great!
Anna: mmm mentos. these are addicting ya know!
Bill: yes, but so refreshing
Anna: lol
Bill: what flavor is your mouth ..?
Anna: mmmint
Bill: that’ll clear your head ..lol
Anna: yes ..it does
Bill: mr sun is out ..shining all over me
Anna: freaky enough, he's shining over here too ..go figure.
Bill: what a sneaky dude that guy is
Anna: very
Bill: never know when he's gonna show ..
Anna: my shoulder hurts... i think i slept on it funny-ly.
Bill: which is better than sleeping on it serious-ly,
Anna: are you mocking me?! lol
Bill: i don’t know ..does it hurt funny ..?
Anna: lol yes. it hurts funny.
Anna: lalalala i feel like dancing
Bill: *takes anna by the hand and dances*
Anna: *is dancing*
Bill: *blares the music and swoops*
Anna: i've got 462 pageviews!!!
Bill: ok, but i viewed about, oh uh ..450 times ..lol
Anna: lol
Bill: ..and i'll keep on viewing
Anna: yay!
Bill: until my vision goes blurry
Anna: lol

Holographic interface

Hasn’t the technology of ‘virtual reality’ come far enough so that I don’t have to hear the same: “yo ho yo ho ..a pirates life for me” every time I go to Disneyland ? In the 1970’s, they were able to project holograms on vapor and show ghosts zooming around the haunted mansion. When is the next generation going to arrive where holograms can respond to my actions, like interactive ether. I want rides that simulate intergalactic battles against virtual storm troopers or the forces of the evil Emperor Zurg –where I determine the outcome of events without following the same old script. If they can put simulator technology in the software that powers the Internet ..why not push it beyond the conventional Graphical User Interface (GUI) and into three-dimensional space ..where, instead of ‘point and click’ ..I can ‘aim and shoot’.

Walking meditation

I'm paying attention to the meditation of the trail ..watching the earth roll by underneath my foot steps..it’s not a smooth ride ..things jump, rock and roll as they go by ..following the rhythm of my stride - I think, perhaps, the shock absorbers of my senses may be shot.

Other world

I create a mental instance of my mother, saying “Don’t you think it would be a nice idea to help your neighbor ..?” I create an mental instance of myself saying, “No, I'm gonna' write.” Another 'instance' of myself pleads. "No more boring old nature crap, please" I suddenly see images of people in my workshop looking at me and asking themselves .. “is he gonna write more boring old nature crap today ?” My mind drifts ..my heart warms to memories of Santa Cruz ..following the woodsy trails through Lorenzo park ..walking past the street musicians on Pacific avenue ..eating hot soup at New Leaf ..always looking for Pergolesi’s Cafe. Sometimes I feel more at home in these ‘instances’ than I do sitting on my own patio. I live in a world displaced by thoughts and images ..disconnected from things as they are ..I wrap it in an layer of concepts and ideas ..always looking for the right words to replace what’s in front of me ..carrying them around ..hoping others will understand and validate me. Seems like such a waste of time. Thoughts shoot by ..faint recollections of things I’ve read ..warnings of things to come ..not one worth stopping to explore. I woke up this morning to the same chaos that began with the big bang. I’m sitting on a coastal plain ..slouching towards the sea ..listening to the echoes of dinosaurs in the songs of birds singing in the trees –writing more boring crap in obscure metaphors and tortured syntax .

Mean streets

I woke up feeling rundown and mean. Went down for my morning coffee and ginseng ..but that didn’t help. I set up the deck furniture .. cursing at myself for being clumsy. Nothing’s falling into place. I change the newspaper at the bottom of my ‘birdcage’ porch ..cursing at the birds. I tell myself to relax ..otherwise, things seem worse. Doesn't stop me from wanting to scream at Don’s wife tho – tell her to quit turning their side of the creek into an English garden ..because once she got on my case for chopping down a eucalyptus tree. So, I’ve never learned her name ..and, hey ..it’s her property, live and let live, whatever, blah blah. Better to sit here and say nothing if I don’t have anything nice to say. I get the same gut-wrenching reaction to this mornings’ news ..I write the usual unprintable letters to the editor ..then put my legs up on a chair and begin dozing in front of my laptop. My neighbor Don shouts across the creek: “Don’t work so hard Bill ..!” I wake up startled. My initial reaction is to correct the misconception that I'm working hard. Then I realize he's joking ..then I answer back with something like: “Can’t you see the pressure I'm under here ? ”

Crash

Am I being poisoned by the weed killer across the creek ..or the fumigation across the street ? Maybe that’s what’s making me feel rundown and low ..but I don’t really know. Blurry spots drift by my field of vision ..and gently fall to the computer keys ..it looks like soot but I know it’s all in my eyes. Yesterday I hiked for 6 hours ..my longest time so far this year. It was a strenuous hike too ..30 minutes up to APS and ‘Sylvan Park' ..my first stop .. where I practice deep breathing exercises for 5 minutes. Up the steps to Mission Ridge, like climbing a stadium, where I breath for 5 minutes on a stone bench. Following the trail to ‘Franceschi park lookout’ ..I sit in my ‘hideaway’ and breath again. I climb some more and go around the bend ..stopping at ‘Stillness field’, with its Zen-like rock garden ..where I breath again. Loop around the hilltop on a shady country lane ..then drop down Arbolado way. I’ve been told that walking downhill teaches your legs how wide they can stride. So, I concentrate on stretching my legs and taking big steps. I know it looks funny. Crash ~ my motor coordination is off today ..as well as my equilibrium ..I fumble with the breakfast plates ..I stumble around the deck setting up table and chairs ..I catch myself by grabbing hold of the umbrella pole ..or hitting the fence, then the door-frame ..kinda’ like a bumper car.

Cosmos

Voyager One has reached the edge of our solar system ..it's in a region called the ‘heliosphere’ ..where tiny particles of the sun collide with the gasses of outer space. It’s a brutal place that’s continually expanding, contracting, rippling and shaking ..if you go there, expect a bumpy ride. Like a kid, I’m still fascinated by high-flying objects ..the borders of outer space ..and the edges of consciousness. If you don’t know enough about something, like, let say ..embryonics, is it better to explore further ..or back away ? Since Bush doesn’t appear to be very near the mainstream of modern science ..maybe he should back away and leave questions like this to the scientific community. I mean, doesn’t the business community also feel this way about government interference ..?