Summertime

Watching rehearsals for Solstice ..(w00t)

Visions of Kālī

April last year Serena ingested Ayahuasca blended in a smoothie. A guide was present during the session but Serena was only aware of her during ‘re-animation’. She experienced a disassociation so complete; she lost awareness of her body and even what it meant to be human. She describes drifting like a crumpled paper bag through portals of ‘cellular and molecular’ space. “I just felt like an essence floating through space. Then ( i ) merged with a much larger entity that was all-encompassing and I recognized (the Hindu Goddess) Kali in her incarnation as consort to Lord Vishnu (the creative power of the universe). We spoke telepathically, without words, just knowing. Kali conveyed to me that I was on the right path.” Serena came away with the feeling that she is a present day ‘incarnation’ of Kali. One of many. The feeling persists even now. It has definitely strengthened her commitment to spiritual practice.

a portrait of ecstatic experience by Serena Kali Devi

Cosmic consciousness

Esalen Institute, Big Sur

Monday October 31, 2011  Lyle is a work scholar. Says he’s a recovering addict ".. but not the way you think." I'm suspicious. He’s on a mission to give voice to his experience with ayahuasca. We’re sitting in the lodge at Esalen. He seems genuinely grateful that I’m willing to listen. Even blows off a  female admirer. Says he’ll see her in the baths later on and she takes off. He continues. “I completely left my body ..I could see it lying crumpled on the floor but I didn’t feel any attachment to it. Then I lost complete sense of myself. I felt like vapor with no trace of ‘Lyle’. I entered a hole ..some people call it a ‘K-hole’ but whatever ..it took me out of this world ..where I flew weightless and untethered ..but still connected somehow to my buddies ..we entered a cosmic realm where speaking wasn’t necessary.” Lyle gives me a look like 'the intellect isn't of much value here'. He goes on to say “We encountered beings from other parts of the cosmos ..unfortunately I have little memory of them ..that’s why I want to go back so badly ..that's the addiction.” Now his fists are clenched and he looks like he’s chomping at the bit. He goes on to say “Coming back to this plane was a slow process ..I had to struggle to re-unite with my body ..then I gradually became aware of my surroundings ..and my buddies. Honestly, I’m not really sure how long it took but it seemed like hours. I struggled to regain my speech. But anything we tried to say about the experience fell short and sounded cheap.” He slumped back. “The only thing addictive about it is how curious I am to go back there and explore some more ..plus regain the feeling of weightlessness.” He leaves me with an interesting anecdote. They use ayahuasca, along with pain relievers, to treat soldiers injured in battle. It wipes out the memory of their traumatic experience.

Expectation

The journal Nature reports that expectation of a sensory event can increase the speed and accuracy we perceive it [ link ]. “Animals are not passive spectators of the sensory world in which they live. In natural conditions they often sense objects on the bases of expectations initiated by predictive cues. Expectation profoundly modulates neural activity by altering the background state of cortical networks and modulating sensory processing” [ link ].

Expectations alter perception ..I know this from my own practice. Expectations amplify and channel speech perception. Listeners have to take a moment to adjust when speakers say something that defies expectation. This study shows that the same holds true for taste. In one sense experiences arrive one by one, always fresh and new, but over time they become familiar re-enactments of prior experience. For instance I like yogurt for breakfast ..so I say it’s good and look forward to it when I get up in the morning. Good is a property I supply as something I experienced so long ago I don’t remember. It’s no longer fresh and new but an experience that my expectations enhance.

Take my pulse

I tremble   /  They’re gonna’ eat me alive   /  If I stumble   /  They’re gonna eat me alive   /  My heart keeps beating like a hammer  /  Beating like a hammer  /  And why shouldn’t it  /  Gotta’ get where I'm going  /  Get whatever I need   /   While my blood’s still flowing   /  And my heart’s still  /  Beating like a hammer   ~~> Metric

 

Borderline

There’s an electric fence blocking my way today. It’s not much of a fence; the kind you’d unfold to keep a baby safe. Not hard to collapse and walk over. The sign says ‘animal enclosure’. Sure enough, goats are grazing on the other side. I get the picture but I’m still pissed. Where’s the herdsman, I’d like a word with him. There are too many fences around here already. I have every right to pass through without fear of getting my nuts zapped stepping over another one. I climb to Franceschi where I sit and plan my next move. Should I contact the planning commission, city council or the coastal commission ..? I tromp back down thinking “another fucking ambush on the way to sanctuary ..just when I was starting to feel safe again. I don’t know where the boundaries are anymore but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some son-of-a bitch goat farmer get in my way.” I reach bottom where I run into my neighbors Matt and Richelle. I explain the situation. They tell me not to worry ..it’s a temporary thing. The County rents goats from farms in the Santa Ynez valley. They eat the underbrush from the canyons. They’ll be movin’ on in a day or so. I experience a sudden drop in blood pressure and begin to feel my grip loosening from around the neck of an imaginary goat farmer.

Butterfly beach

Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind / Down the foggy ruins of time / far past the frozen leaves / far from the twisted reach / through the haunted, frightened trees / out to the windy beach /  With all memory and fate / driven deep beneath the waves /  Let me forget about today until tomorrow ~ Bob Dylan

 

Butterfly Beach, Santa Barbara, California

Arana Gulch

Santa Cruz,  California  ~  Coral Fish reporting from the field (or from a tree)

Loaded questions

Hard to be neutral without coming across as partial and perhaps even disloyal. I remember in 2008 my father asking me “Bill, who do you think will be the next president ..?” I interpreted this as a request for information and, thinking back to some poll results, replied “Looks like Obama” He reacted with disgust and terminated our conversation. Since then he looks at me with suspicion and considers me an Obama fan with liberal views. He swiftly ends our discussions with “I know exactly where you’re coming from, Bill” and calls me a “behaviorist” ..which is a polite way of calling me a “socialist”. I’ve been an independent all my life. I think I see where I went wrong though. He wasn’t asking for an independent assessment ..so my answer appeared more like a preference than an forecast. He’s been that way all his life. When he asks me which team I think will win a football game ..he’s never looking for the answer that an odds-maker would give. Today I’m reading where Obama’s adversaries are accusing him of “appeasement to Iran” in response to his handling of Israel’s saber rattling. I may be going out on a limb here but I think I’m beginning to see a built-in tendency to interpret straightforward answers as prejudice bordering on disloyalty.