Killer zen

Trying to resume meditation practice can sometimes be as difficult as running a 10k after several months off. My thoughts bother me as much as shin splints. At first, I pester myself with questions like, “what the fuck am I doing?” and “am I doing, whatever the fuck it is ..right?” Then I start ordering myself to get it right and make sure I’m making the most of my time. Now I’m going back to a time when I thought I was doing it right. Now I’m lost in thought over the 1,001 things I could be doing better. Now I’m telling myself to get over it .. this is not what mediation is about. Now I feel the constraints of my opinions bearing down on me ..now I feel the constraints of other people’s opinions bearing down on me, which turn out to be my own opinions disguised as other people’s opinions. I tell myself to take responsibility for them otherwise I lose the ‘center’ and my mind becomes scattered, which is something I learned about in a psychology class. Now I feel like I’m just remembering what other people tell me and not really experiencing it for myself. When I manage to push these thoughts away and return to the present moment ..I hear the swoosh of traffic on Anapamu street. This bothers me so I actually try to push it away too. I immediately realize the futility of that and remember what Zen master Perry used to say: “..be aware of the sound of traffic ..let it be a reminder of the passing nature of everything.” So, I let the traffic go by without further complaint. Now I’m back to asking myself “am I doing what I want, or what other people have told me I should do.” Because I know damn well, like a rebellious child .. I resist what other people tell me I should do. Now I’m congratulating myself on this little scrap of insight. Now I’m asking myself if it’s really insight or just another example of remembering what someone else told me, like my mother or a grade school teacher. Now I’m criticizing myself for not having one original thought of my own. I glance at the watch I set beside me and realize only three minutes have gone by. I’m aiming for twenty. This is torture.

Kirsty

..a voice made for rock ‘n roll.

Prānayāma

I’m attending Prānayāma practice tonight. Prāna means ‘breath’ or ‘life force’ and āyāma means ‘abode’. So it’s the practice of restoring the place where your life force resides. I admit, it does oxygenate the system. I can feel a warm tingling sensation in my hands and feet ..and the feeling that all’s well spreading through my brain ..making me all smiles. Afterward, I hang around talking to the session leader Jeff ..a friend who I haven’t seen for a long time. He tells me that Brian moved back to Pennsylvania but Dave can still be seen walking around town. Jeff is busy preparing for a workshop on Ayurvedic healing this weekend. One of tonight’s participants is an elderly woman who receives Ayurvedic treatment. She’s planning a 50-day excursion through India this fall. I think that’s remarkable. Now Jeff is telling me about an ancient language he read about in the Upanishads where the sound carries the meaning by itself, without the need for an intermediate concept. He goes “ ..consider the expression ‘shhh’ in English. It conveys a soothing sensation all by itself.” Makes me think about the sound the ocean makes as it rolls over the sand on the beach ..and about all the times I’ve sat there listening to it ..then I think about how it sounds like a simple breath ..then I realize that breathing is not really simple, only thinking makes it so ..it’s really a complex process that’s been around since the beginning ..then I remind myself not to overthink it ..now I’m wondering how much I missed while Jeff was talking and I was listening to myself think.

A new tune

..one of Scotland’s finest

Rhapsody

Laura is yelling at Andy in proper English, but it’s lost on him. Andy is a dog whose English is limited to a few basic commands, usually associated with specific actions he picked up from me or obedience school. Laura’s displeasure is clear however. That’s carried by the intonation pattern or ‘vibration intervals’ of speech ..kind of like the difference between hearing a song by Metallica and a song by Faith Hill. Out on the streets, my usual California monotone is often lost on people. No one cares about carefully formed sentences. Too neutral. Like Andy, what they want to hear is the intonation pattern. Intonation, like music, is universal and carries feelings better than whatever it is I’m trying to say. And feelings are the first thing you want to find out. Who wants to listen to a monologue ..or an angry shrill. Even the usual “Good morning, how are you ..?” sounds more engaging when spoken with a lilting southern accent. It sounds like they really care ..even when they don’t.

Media and consciousness

A reply from Dr Jenkins re.Age of Inception (posted below)

Bill – Keep in mind that the quotes for the interview are necessarily a simplification of my arguments about the film, though I have been pleased by the discussion they have generated. I would agree totally with you that the film's perspective on reality and perception also has a generational slant. It's interesting though that the films and television shows which take on some of this philosophical/spiritual argument are often associated with games and other digital media -- so I would see The Matrix, the final episode of Lost, and Inception, as all part of the same conversation about our relationship with the real world. We may as a culture be more open to such ideas because of our experience of the digital, just as people in the industrial age were more apt to think of a clockmaker god, or people in the early 20th century started to understand repetition compulsion in terms of a phonograph record in their heads. As Sherry Turkle suggests, we use technologies as tools to think with and a key question we use them to consider is our consciousness. – Henry Jenkins

Age of Inception

From the moment “Inception” was released, polls have shown that it’s appeal is split along generational lines. Many “older” moviegoers hate the film while younger people have nothing but good things to say about it. According to Henry Jenkins, a professor of cinema at USC, this has everything to do with video game experience. He says “Inception is first and foremost a movie about worlds and levels, which is very much the way video games are structured.” While I agree that gaming experience may be a factor, I’d say a bigger reason is that members of prior generations don’t understand, or accept the film’s premise. As DiCaprio’s character describes it, conscious experience is not a literal transcript of the world, but an ongoing process of virtual construction by the mind. Although this premise has scientific merit, it is not widely known or embraced by the majority of tradition-bound Americans.

Dr Jenkins’ reply ~>[link]