Alison

Fifteen year old Alison and her boyfriend thought they’d prank a former U.S. Congressman. See if he was up to the same old shit. You see a few years before he’d been forced to resign from office over a sex-texting scandal. Now he was seeking public office again. Alison initiated a flirtatious exchange over the internet that soon turned sexual. Her boyfriend was looking for a tabloid newspaper to sell the story to. However, he was unaware of the progress Alison was making. They’d moved beyond texting to skyping and masturbation. She’d discovered the how liberating online sex could be. No demands …no expectations …no loser boyfriend to deal with. She’d also become aware of her orientation: anonymous. She was visiting several sites a night and getting off on men (and women) who were getting off on her. She also saw the earnings-potential. At 18 she joined an escort service. Figured if the boys in her life treated her like a commodity …so could she.

(Congressman Weiner)

The English teacher

16 year-old Johnny enjoyed a 2-year relationship with his High School English teacher, Laura. She was pretty and young-looking and he was in love. He fathered her child and wanted to marry her when she got out of jail. Now they share an apartment and custody of a two-year old boy …and they’ve found means of support. Quite a feat for a fry-cook and an unemployed teacher. He successfully sued the school district for allowing this to happen. As twisted as this may sound, it does illustrate an example of healthy psychological development: 1) He successfully resolved the age-old conflict between sexual readiness and social/cultural prohibitions. 2) He overcame financial hardship posed by limited employment opportunities.

Jay Taylor

Jay suffers from delusions and experiences frequent bursts of ecstatic energy. She also has hyper-erotic disorder that she deals with by working in the porn industry. There she is able to channel her ecstatic impulses into performances of the highest caliber. When not working she packs high-dose marijuana suppositories in her vagina. They help level the load between gigs ...provided she doesn’t wind up in a psychiatric ward again. She admits she’s not your typical ‘porn chick’ and I believe it. Though she cannot always tell the difference between what's real and what’s not ...a reliable supply of pummeling sex helps her stay grounded. Judge for yourself (video interview).

Drunk Sex in the U.S.

We do not live in a culture of healthy sex. Prohibition, shame and anxiety prevail limiting our chances for healthy sexual development. Sex is considered dirty so we keep it hidden from view. Parents are uncomfortable talking about it so communication is blocked. As a result we live in a culture of ‘drunken sex’ where we have to anesthetize ourselves to anxiety and inhibition before we’re free to express sexual desire. 

Without dialogue we’re left on our own to test the boundaries of sexual behavior. So we learn by trial and error. However, when drunk, we’re numb to the feedback necessary to tell us whether our actions are welcome or not. Without feedback, development is impaired, which may explain the prevalence of assault when we reach college. 

Growing up in the middle-ages (before the Internet) I learned more about healthy sex from Penthouse Forum than anywhere else. This was a section of letters from readers describing their sexual experiences followed by comments from one the magazines outside ‘experts’. It sounded like an honest and straightforward exchange. I remember some of the contributors were women … most were men … but they all stressed the same thing: your partner’s pleasure is just as important as your own and that the goal is to develop intimacy. I remember spending afternoons reading these when I was a teenager who could only imagine what sex might be like. I was fascinated. It taught me to be receptive to my partner and responsive in bed. It told me that foreplay is sex … not just something leading up to it. It pointed me to books on Tantric Yoga. I made a to-do list of things that made up satisfying foreplay … prolonged periods of touching and caressing … attention to what’s above the belt … and how it shouldn’t be rushed or scripted. It taught me that sex was more than just ‘getting off’. Now I’m by no means a model of stellar performance in the sack … but I think it helped that someone was talking about it … and how ironic that it was Penthouse magazine.

Affirmative Consent

In response to 'Affirmative Consent'  by Dr. Paul R. Abramson (x)

"..a person's approach to sexual behavior and relationships is often already firmly established by the time he or she reaches college ..ameliorative measures at the college level might come years too late. If we want to get it right, we must begin educating them in junior high school about the necessity of affirmative consent. The [best way] to do that is to make it part of the mandatory sex education curriculum."  - Dr. Paul R. Abramson

I agree. Our approach to sexual relationships is established well before college, however, I'm not sure classroom instruction is the answer. We're reared in a culture of 'intoxicated sex'. There are few opportunities for young people to meet without ingesting intoxicants to help ease the anxiety of social interaction. I think the Boy's and Girl's club is a better place than sex ed class .. and could be greatly expanded. It's a place where young people can go to meet while doing something other than drinking. I mean activities like video games, dance ..and even ping-pong are far less stressful than High School parties. Classroom instruction often goes out the window in the face of social anxiety. Engaging with others in a more natural setting while learning first-hand the consequences of disrespect and offensive behavior is, in my opinion, a step toward healthier relations ..and possibly away from a culture of intoxicated sex.