Dance

A photoshop lesson

New tune

When I got up this morning everything seemed normal. It wasn’t until I got on the road that I noticed this loud humming sound. I pulled over to listen to the engine but it wasn’t coming from there ..sounded as if it were coming from everywhere. I arrive at work and people are like: i ee owaah oo ..? and I’m like: whaaa ..? and they’re like: ouiii ee !! and I’m like: huh ..? Why is everybody talking in gibberish ..? What’s happening ..? The meeting this morning went the same way .. that's not too unusual ..although I think my name is ‘ee’ now ..I’ll have to remember that. I go back to my desk to try and figure out what’s going wrong ..something’s missing ..I tap my pencil on the desktop ..it makes no sound ..I can’t hear the beat ..that’s it ..!! I’m missing consonants ..that's why everybody's speech sounds like fluctuating tones with breaks in all the wrong places. After awhile I learn how to feel the vibration of consonants .. almost like a bass drum. Also, if I look closely enough ..I can see it in the way people move their mouth ..or the way their facial expressions change. Suddenly, like adjusting the focus on a pair of binoculars ..I can understand what people are saying again.

I wrote this to get a sense of what it’s like for someone suffering with selective hearing loss. I know that it takes a lot longer to learn how to compensate for it than what I've described.

Dirty air

Breathing in ..expanding ..breathing out ..letting go ..ahhh, my breathing exercises are over. I'm sitting outside ..the air smells like dirt ..and I can hear the construction workers shouting: “whadya mean y’aint gonna do that shit ..git wit da’ program ..got any goop ..I don’t know ..got any beer ..two more hours before that shit comes in baby.” They’re turning the entrance of the canyon into condos ..I remember the fight at city hall ..it's not like I'm anti-development or anything ..it’s just got to be reasonable ..this is not New York city. Now I’m chatting online with my sister Nancy ..we’re planning a trip to San Francisco in May ..watch the cherry blossoms bloom in Golden Gate Park ..eat fish stew at Little Joes ..hang out at City Lights ..way cool. There's a northwesterly wind blowing across the deck today ..but I don’t mind ..feels like summer ..I take off my shirt. Feeling jittery ..don’t know why ..probably the ginseng root ..I feel like I can accomplish anything ..but it’s good enough to just sit here and write.

Bitch

I feel light headed and out-of-it ..don’t know why ..just had a full breakfast ..I also feel worried ..like something wicked is on it's way. The storms have passed and I’m free to roam ..it’s spring ..the air is warm ..my dad’s birthday just went by ..and I feel a little choked ..like things are rushing past me before I'm ready. Now I feel like I’m getting to be like my father ..and my grandfather ..more comfortable with the way things used to be ..unprepared for change ..I don’t recognize any of the rock bands I hear on the radio ..I listen to the same old tunes ..I don’t like most of the new cars I see ..newer housing styles don’t appeal to me ..I have a hard time following younger people when they speak ..I don’t tolerate surprises well ..like when people I'm fond of move away ..or the co-op stops carrying my favorite ginseng ..or how bitchy I'm becoming when things don’t go as smoothly as I like.

Crazy Charlie

Charlie was released near skid row .. he had just spent six weeks at county psychiatric with a ‘borderline personality disorder’ ..whatever that means. He started a ‘token exchange’ with the other patients on the ward. After that ..they no longer considered him ‘mental’ enough to be in the hospital. Now he was standing on the corner of Broadway and 5th .. on the southern edge of skid row just blocks from high-rise office buildings and Pershing Park. He took a deep breath and looked around .. he saw a lot of homeless people. He also saw some tents down by the warehouses. The voices in his head told him there was some karma that needed cleaning here. He took what money he had ..went to an army surplus store and bought a big dome tent ..some cots ..outdoor lights ..and a hot plate. He pitched this big old tent in skid row ..offered people a place to stay ..a little food and a cup of coffee. He said that anybody who was willing to listen to him was welcome to stay longer. He told them that they better start helping each other because no one else was coming to help them. Some stayed to listen. He was a compelling speaker. Pretty soon they were running a cooperative ..providing community services such as picking up trash and cleaning bathrooms in exchange for food and supplies from local business owners. Any excess was distributed to anyone willing to participate. More tents went up. Next they started a cooperative to help distressed people get connected with service providers ..those with drug problems found treatment ..mental cases got counseling ..criminals weren’t tolerated ..they were offered up to the police. Since then ..the business community and city officials have stopped trying to remove tent city ..they’re even sending more counselors and social workers to help in the co-ops. Crazy Charlie.

Clearing

Walked up a muddy trail today ..kind of slippery ..but I didn’t care ..there was enough mud to cushion my fall. The trail levels off and passes through a botanical garden where I’ve made friends with some of the trees growing by the side. Today I zipped right by them without saying hello ..turned around and walked back when I realized what I’d done ..it’s a ritual I like to keep because it reminds me to pay attention to what’s around me ..and not spend so much time inside my head.

Empty

My head is so empty I can see clear through it today ..I'm having trouble hitting the right keys on the laptop ..and I can't think of anything to say. Yesterday I was staring out the window when a rainbow appeared ..stretching from the ocean to the mountains. I thought, well now that’s a good sign ..a sign of what ..I don’t know ..but it seemed ‘provident’. Today I’m waiting by the window for another one to appear ..I mean, the conditions are the same. I want to see if I'm ‘in tune’ with the elements ..whatever that means. It never showed. I waited until sunset. How disappointing. I guess being ‘in tune’ with the elements means being open to whatever happens ..and not just what I think is going to happen ..now I’m having trouble enjoying the sunset.

Child's play

You’re it ..no I’m not, you missed ..it’s my ball ..you were over the line .. run Caylib runnnn ..too late ..he’s out ..he’s out ..no I’m not ..no I’m not ..yes you are ..yes you are ..uh huh ..uh huh ..are too ..are too ..gimme my ball back ..run Inez runnn ..owwww ..you didn’t have to chuck it so hard ..now you’re it ..no I’m not ..you said time out ..no I didn’t ..yes you did ..no I didn’t ..yes you did ..yes I did ..no you didn’t ..gotcha ..no ..mean yes you did ..what an idiot Simon ..take that back ..I can’t take back that you’re an idiot ..Ryyyan, take it back ..idiot ..I’m telling mom ..go ahead ..look a rabbit ..a rabbit ..where ..over there ..there’s no rabbit ..yes there is ..it went under the bushes ..you’re full of ..hey ..gimme back my ball ..you fell for it ..

Northwesterlies

It’s cold and watery here ..a ‘northwesterly condition’ ..I hate it ..it’s been raining for several days now ..keeping me off the hiking trail. I’m getting edgy. To pass the time I’m reading a book written by another hiker ..thinking it’ll make me feel better. It doesn’t. Only reinforces my feelings of confinement. To make matters worse, it makes me realize what a complete wuss I am. These guys are on an expedition through the Himalayas ..it rains every day ..the only time it isn’t raining is when they’re going over a high-altitude pass ..then they’re climbing through waist-deep snow. What am I doing ? ..sitting here reading ..sipping tea ..watching the clouds roll by ..thermostat up high ..and bitching. I like what it says here though ..you either make peace with the Himalayas ..or get consumed by them.

Photo chop

Photoshop is a wonderful tool. Very powerful too. It’s like a publishing studio on a PC. I’ve been posting some of my amateur ‘photo manipulations’ lately. They may look simple ..but for me ..they’re not. Some of them were projects that took several hours. Why bother ..? It’s really relaxing and I think it’s actually improving my eyesight (the subject matter helps).

The one titled Geisha punk (March 7, 2006) took a little over 8 hours. Now, for me ..a lot of time is spent just trial and error ‘dithering’ until I get something that looks halfway decent. It was a badly under-exposed original. Almost no color. So, I added green to the background forest and made it look like a watercolor. In order to bring out the model ..I made her face ‘luminescent’ (a word that I’ve recently come to grips with) .. I applied a layer of peach to her hands, arms and feet ..her lips are red thanks to the color burn tool ..I put violet highlights in her hair ..and a transparent shade of purple in her shirt so that you can still see texture and shadow ..the stomach was treated with a lot of lighting effects so you can just make out the navel ..which you couldn’t see at all in the original ..and yes, it actually revealed the top of her panties. I applied a ‘cutout’ effect to give her definition ..then I had to ‘blend’ her back into the ‘forest’ ..and fill an ugly sandbox with pond water and lilies.

By contrast, the one titled ‘Rainforest’, which I think looks a lot nicer ..took only about 10 minutes. That’s because I had a great digital rainforest to begin with ..given to me by a friend who I have yet to credit (my apologies DB). All I had to do was put someone in it. I teased a model off another photo and applied shades of copper until she ‘blended in’. I was really doing it to practice using the color gradient tool ..but since I’ve been such a slacker lately with my journal writing ..I posted it instead.