Had an old dog and his name was Blue / you know Blue was mighty true / you know Blue was a good old dog / Blue treed a ‘possum in a hollow log / you can know from that he’s a good old dog / Blue treed a ‘possum out on a limb / Blue looked at me and I looked at him / Grabbed that ‘possum and put him in a sack / Don’t move Blue till I get back
I’m walking up State Street .. keeping my eyes focused on what’s ahead of me while dimly noticing what passes on the periphery. Images from the past also flash by. Mostly shops and restaurants that are no longer there. I watch them come and go. Now I’m focusing my attention on the rhythm of my gait ..now I’m focusing on where I feel tension and where I feel relaxed ..now I’m focusing on my breath ..feeling pressure build when I inhale and drop as I exhale. Now I’m noticing pressure build as others pass by. Feeling self-conscious. Funny, you’d think I’d outgrown that by now. Oh well. Now I’m remembering an article I read this morning in Luminosity ..reminding me (for the millionth time) how presence of mind is my ally against craziness of mind. I duck into the library on Anapamu and listen to a room full of children sing. Sweet. I don’t leave until they’re done.
Thank you for not killing me
in the metal-grilled cross-hairs
of your monstrous SUV
as I crossed the street
cautiously, in full view, in daylight,
in the crosswalk where I thought I had a lawful right to be
and indeed once did in a different, slower world
when I could meander and even take a peek upward
at a trail of pelicans
or outward at a glorious pod of dolphins,
but now I must deal with the likes of you
as you fight for space, wrecking the world
with anger and the awful weight of your toys. ~ John Gardiner UCI
1993 ~ I’m in Paris with Anh. We found a cool pensione in the Latin Quarter. Underneath our window four streets the size of alleyways converge on a small corner where a flower market blooms and we can get fresh baguettes in the morning. We watch trekkers with backpacks checking their maps below the street signs. One of those streets takes us to Pont Neuf. We can get from here to the Louvre, Notre Dame and Champs Elysee on foot. !I’m stoked! Our lovemaking is enhanced. Anh says: “when we get back to the States I’m going to go ..lets do it like Paris.”
During a conversation with Colleen and Sasha I hear the word “sisters”. We’re talking about the Von Grey Band but what pops into my head is the time I kissed my girlfriend’s sister at a party. This is followed immediately by my girlfriend’s reaction and my own feelings of regret. Now I’m asking myself: Do Colleen and Sasha somehow know about this? That can’t be ..it happened too long ago! Yet, I’m moved by an urge to confess this shameful act and redeem myself. I resist but end up missing the rest of the conversation. “You okay?” Sasha asks.
Baby, if I’m half the man I say I am / if I’m a woman with no fear / just like I claim I am / then I believe in what you say / there’s nothing left for you to do / the only proof that I need is you.
10 am ~ It’s foggier and much cooler than a couple days ago. The ocean looks foreboding and I have my doubts about going in. I trek in my sweats ..circling the Music Academy and Koi ponds several times before heading back to Butterfly Beach. About a 40 minute loop. Still not sure I’m going in though. After a set of prāṇāyāmā and yoga exercises (30 minutes) I feel looser and the air feels considerably warmer. I look out and see a girl swimming in a flesh-colored thong bikini. I have to look twice ..maybe three times ..to make sure she’s wearing anything at all. Then Steve walks over and tells me the water is as warm as it looks. That’s it. I’m going in. I backstroke until one set of leg muscles start cramping then flip over and swim freestyle until another set starts to cramp (20 minutes). I’m done. Back out on Cabrillo the fog is burning off and it feels toasty. I swing by Blockbuster .. pick up ‘Whip it’ and head home feeling positively high.
