Muddy waters

Lily Allen sings ..I take a sip of coffee (fair trade french roast) ..and watch people passing by on the street ..from my favorite window seat at Muddy Waters. Brian asks: if I could hang out with a famous Hollywood actor (but not female) for a day ..who would I choose. Carmen Cruz immediately comes to mind ..so do Uma Thurman and Drew Barrymore ..none of whom I can use ..even though I think they would be fun to just hang out with. Tom Cruise pops into my head ..not because I want to hang out with him necessarily ..but because he claims to have a cure for dyslexia. Hope Sandoval sings ..which I’ve come to expect from any coffee bar on any given day ..suddenly Meredith Brooks ..Sarah Daly ..and Chrissy Hynde pass through my head ..and, even though only a few of seconds have gone by ..I feel like I need to come up with an answer fast ..otherwise Brian might think I’m trying to hide something ..(?) So, I stall by asking him if it means that I have to sleep with them ..he says no, just a few beers .. shoot some pool. Johnny Depp springs to mind ..mostly because I’ve been seeing his name and face a lot lately ..but I also think he’s an interesting character ..so is Billy Bob Thornton and Tim Robbins ..both of whom I think I could spend a day chatting with ..but before another second passes, I blurt out the name Robin Williams ..probably because it rhymes with Tim Robbins ..but after I say it, I realize how awesome that would be. That was a tough question ..which makes me feel surprised at how small my picture of the world is ..I don’t even know what’s happening on the next block ..let alone Hollywood ..Mr. Cosmopolitan that I am ..maybe what I need is a subscription to People magazine ..or maybe just a swift kick in the head.

Chain reaction

I’m afraid that the war in Iraq is starting a chain reaction that could lead to the downfall of the United States. Conventional warfare neither combats nor deters terrorism. Consequently, US military strength is no longer feared ..and terrorism is going to bleed us to death. The brilliant war strategist Sun Tzu once said that the commander who does not understand his enemy ..is certain to be defeated. Iraq has shown me that we do not understand terrorism. The war in Iraq has nothing to do with the war on terror ..but, this misconception has resulted in a vicious cycle of war ..followed by terrorist activity ..troop escalation .. followed by more terrorist activity. Furthermore, like a dog chasing it’s tail ..the government we are fighting to support in Iraq ..is the source of the insurgents we are fighting to destroy there. The Shiite followers of Muqtada Sadr are now a part of the Iraqi government, in addition to being a major anti-American force. But what scares me even more is what’s happening in Iran. Removing Hussein, and the threat of biological weapons (which turned out to be a bluff) has effectively removed the deterrent that was keeping Iran from developing nuclear weapons. Left unchecked, Iran’s nuclear program could set off an arms race in the region ..which would increase the likelihood of nuclear weapons winding up in the hands of Islamic extremists ..and take suicide bombing to a whole new level.

Virginia

Tonight I regret something I said to my neighbor Virginia earlier today. I got angry because it reminded me of one of those ‘circular discussions’ I used to get into with my mother ..I’d say something like: ‘I’m going to wash the car’ ..and she’d complain that I haven’t mowed the lawn ..so I’d say ‘OK, I’ll mow the lawn’ ..to which she'd angrily reply that I haven’t washed the car ..and so on. In this case, Virginia points out that the drain pipe needs repair ..I agree saying it could flood in a storm ..to which she replies: NO, it’s creating a ‘standing-water’ problem RIGHT NOW ..we don’t want that now, do we ..? No, I reply ..you’re right. Occasionally I come out here and brush the water away. Then she tells me that’s nothing ..imagine what would happen during a storm ..!! It felt like she flipped a switch and a sent a surge of electricity though me. I paused to let it pass ..and tuned her out for a moment ..when I tuned back in, I realized she was telling me that ‘I’ have a project on my hands ..because the County bills us for these repairs now .. so ‘I’ should do something immediately ..and how do I plan to do that. I calmly say that I’ll get Tom’s advice ..it needs to be done right and he’s a contractor ..to which she replies: Can’t you think of a cheaper way to do it ..get your ex-wife to help. Restraining myself, I say ..sure, I’ll see if there’s an easy way first ..to which she replies by playing my own words back to me saying: NO, it needs to be done RIGHT ..you (and your ex) have some thinking to do ..my brother-in-law sloped this area for drainage ..don’t you think he did a good job ..? I numbly say .. fantastic job ..picking up on the implication that, since he did the original work ..it’s my job to keep things running right. Without raising my voice ..I asked if her vacant rental was up to code yet ..knowing full well that I was going way out of bounds by asking a question about her property. She stiffened and said: Oh, you must have been talking to ‘her’ (the former tenant). No, I said ..I read the notice that the building inspector posted on the door. She walked away saying it was none of my business. I realized it was an evocative question ..intended to get back at her for reminding me of my mother ..then treating me like a child and assigning me chores ..how underhanded of her.

Andy and Fred

I learned something about Andy the other day ..he’s not a ‘bird dog’ like I had originally thought ..instead, I found out that he’s been bred to track critters in the bush ..like otters and possum and stuff. When I think we’re out taking a walk ..he’s out on a hunt. I learned something about rats the other day too. They’re one of the critters Andy was bred to hunt. I have first hand experience with this, because ..I am temporarily in charge of Aria’s pet rat ‘Fred’ while the family is away. It took me awhile, but I have finally given up any hope of trying to negotiate a truce between Andy and Fred ..there’s just too much history. After my final attempt ..while I was putting Fred back in his cage ..Andy defied my order to stay and made a move ..causing Fred to leap out of my hand and into the detritus of my garage ..making himself nearly impossible to find. It was 10 pm ..the end of a long day, and I hadn’t eaten. So, I took Andy inside and began to prepare supper ..figuring Fred would turn up eventually ..and hopefully not dead. Then I started getting these images of wild animals tearing him to shreds ..or my car tires squishing him to death ..and wondering how I was going to explain this to Aria ..when I suddenly remembered that ‘finding critters’ is what Andy does best ..so, I let Andy back in the garage and continued preparing supper ..while listening to him run around and around out there ..and thinking that he’s just excited ..when I go back to find that he’s actually got Fred cornered behind some storage boxes. Now, Andy was not able to see him ..but he could smell him ..and man, he was a dog on a hunt. Andy looked at me and I looked at him ..and then I started throwing boxes out of the way. When the boxes got too heavy to move ..I got a flash light and mirror and spotted Fred between the boxes and the wall. So, I put a jar on one side ..and Andy flushed him into it from the other side. Fred is now safely back in his cage ..apparently unfazed ..and perhaps, who knows, maybe even a little thrilled to have momentarily re-connected with his natural role in the wild. But I’m anthropomorphizing. What I can say for sure is that Andy felt the thrill of the chase ..and he got treated to a steak dinner that night. Fred, on the other hand, got treated to sliced avocado ..which I found out is his favorite dish.

Matilda

Matilda lurks by the side of the road, in broad daylight ..near Cabbage Town. She blends in so well ..hardly anyone notices her at all. Like a chameleon, nature has outfitted her with urban camouflage exterior. Her appearance changes to match her surroundings. Now, to a passerby, she looks like part of the scenery ..like a mural ..a storefront ..or another piece of roadside debris. However, when young children come around, whose senses haven't yet habituated and become so narrowed down ..they know she’s there. I know that they know because, when we go by in the car, I hear little Francis yelling: “Hey look, there’s somebody living in the graffiti.”

Graffiti waif

Graffiti ~~> CookieWonton
Waif ~~> FroweMinahilds Stock

Drug warp

Looks to me as though drug laws do a better job of warping reality than the drugs themselves. They turn neighborhood suppliers into cartels with enough guns and money to control police departments. Traffickers gun down government officials in the streets of Mexico City ..and stack the heads of narco-agents on the steps of police departments in Vera Cruz. Meanwhile, we spend billions of dollars to fight a ‘war on drugs’ that hasn’t made a dent in the supplies reaching our shore. Misguided drug laws are the culprit ..they make smuggling a high risk venture that commands a high price for it’s contraband ..enriching suppliers ..and exacting a heavy toll on the lives of people trying to stop it. A legal but controlled chain of supply for recreational drugs makes a lot more sense to me. Even former secretary of state George Schultz agrees with this. So, how do you explain why government leaders continue to repeat the same policy over and over again ..without success ? Stupidity ..? Ignorance ..? I mean, we all know that prohibition didn’t work. The only thing left for me to believe is that there’s a political conspiracy keeping these failed drug laws on the books ..it gives people in power another way to persecute their opponents and maintain their position of authority ..regardless of which party they’re in (and I’m not saying this because I’m a conspiracy theorist ..although it helps). For me, the war on drugs is a tragedy on the same scale as the other un-winnable wars we wage.

Further investigation

C~c~c~cool day outside ..I’m listening to the birds ..Andy smells creatures that I never see, living in the creek next to me. Work has resumed on the Appalachian shack I’m happy to report. Arron says he’s keeping it low key ..not like the condos downstream. There’s an ‘onshore flow’ blowing inland. Andy gets on his feet ..lifts his nose ..and, with the focus of a laser beam ..we head upstream ..I’m not about to argue with a canine on a mission ..besides, I welcome the opportunity for further investigation. Along the way we meet Joe, who has moved into Rex’s old cabin ..he gestures like he owns everything ..declares his property off-limits ..and says that good fences make good neighbors ..yeah well, Rex gave me the combination to the gates a long time ago ..sounds like that’ll be changing soon. Now I feel a sense of gloom ..there are too many fences already. The sweet scent of ganja blows by ..coming from somewhere farther on. Around the bend, Andy and I meet a group of people: Kent, George ..a girl named Starshine ..and their dogs: Hero, Rusty and ..oh shit, I forget ..no wait, Luna. That’s it ..! Everyone likes Andy ..because Andy likes everyone ..and every living thing is his friend ..except, of course, those little creatures that I can’t see ..he tracks them but can’t say I’ve ever seen him actually catch one .. Kent tells me he’s not supposed to catch ‘em ..his job is to flush ‘em out ..perhaps trap ‘em. Later on, I’m walking home singing “Andy is a good ol’ dog ..he chases possum in a hollow log” at the top of my lungs ..from a bluegrass song ..I don’t remember the name ..oh wait, yes I do .. ‘Old dog Blue’.

Lab rat

It’s been awhile since I worked in a laboratory setting. Although I can’t say I miss it much ..I still have insatiable curiosity and powerful exploratory instincts. So now I’m using myself as a lab specimen ..and performing a periodic ‘content analysis’ of the commentary inside my head ..the one that interprets events in my life and tells me how badly I’ve screwed them up. Preliminary results show an accelerating trend toward critical self-loathing ..fear-mongering ..and reckless catastrophe theories ..in other words, it doesn't sound pretty. It uses a lot of profanity ..constantly mis-labels things ..and delivers mostly bad news ..multiplying the smallest matter ..for example, I miss a couple of payments ..and all I hear is how badly I screwed my credit ..how I’m never going to get a loan again ..so I’m personally screwed for the rest of my life ..forget about ever attracting babes ..because they’re going to foreclose on me ..and I can kiss the California dream good bye ..not to mention what a fucking dumbass I am ..and that I’d probably be better off drowning myself in the bathtub. I open the envelope and discover that my crime was forgetting to pay the grocery bill. Tentative conclusion: (we always had to make up one of these) Interpretation and commentary happen so fast .. I don’t stand a chance of catching a glimpse of the way things really are ..which makes worrying about them a big waste of my imagination..

Disturbing flashbacks

A police helicopter hovers above ..a voice over the loudspeaker gives the order to ‘disperse or be arrested’. Police in riot gear charge ..unarmed citizens flee ..some are trampled and beaten ..a peaceful assembly turns into chaos ..bullets fly. This was the scene at Macarthur Park in Los Angeles last week ..but my mind is also receiving images of People’s Park, in Berkeley ..from 1969 ..and they don’t look much different. Furthermore, I’m experiencing all the feelings of fear and loathing that I felt then ..and I'm not the only one ..those early images were burned into the psyche of nearly all the school-age children of my generation. It occurs to me that the ‘class of 2007’ is graduating next month ..after attending all four years of high school ..during wartime. Experiencing a culture at war, at this age ..is something you never forget. It becomes part of you ..like the Vietnam war is part of me. I have a built-in mistrust of government ..ongoing problems with authority ..and a career in ‘conspiracy theory’. History repeats itself, not only when government leaders ignore it ..but also when their minds are so scripted by it ..they can’t do anything different.

Entity

My fingers have blisters ..making it hard to type, hold a fork or cut tomatoes ..my shoulders ache and my forearms burn. I spent yesterday in the garden ..building a rock wall and topping trees ..I’m good at these things. Growing season starts in Novermber around here ..which makes this like ..fall. Everything was quiet ..just lifting stones ..listening to my breath ..not much going on ..except for someone in my head using a bullhorn ..shouting instructions ..and criticizing every mistake I make ..I think it’s an entity that gets activated in the morning as part my wake-up routine ..but gets lost in the buzz and strum of the day ..he’s coming in loud and clear now ..I’m going to see if I can de-activate him ..and still function OK.