nothing

I practice meditation ~ some people tell me that I’m wasting my time ~ what good is sitting doing nothing ~ I’m no expert and I have no answers ~ in fact, sometimes I have my own doubts and stop practicing ~ writing it down is a way of explaining it to myself ~ if reading someone else’s explanation about doing nothing sounds like a waste of time ~ feel free to move on ~ who can blame you. Nothingness is a necessary state for something to happen ~ Buddha said something like this over 2,500 years ago ~ lately, practitioners in the field of neuroscience have been re-discovering the teachings of Buddha ~ I find this strangely reassuring. At the earliest stage of experiencing something ~ nothing is happening. Between each event arriving at the senses ~ the lenses are wiped clean ~ even a simple nerve cell has to return to a neutral state before it can receive and transmit a clear signal to the brain. Buddha taught that the mind and body are in a state of perpetual renewal ~ and that meditation is simply a period of doing nothing to interfere ~ just sitting and watching instances of thought and feeling appear and disappear ~ without judging or criticizing them as they go ~ I find that sitting still and doing nothing is just about the hardest thing in the world to do.

zen practice

Nobody takes turns talking in my head ~ everyone keeps shouting at the same time ~ it doesn’t matter though, no one is really listening ~ sometimes, during practice, I catch a riff ~ today it went like this:

Hey, I practiced a little longer today ~ Yeah, well .. if you keep practicing out here the neighbors are going to think we’re nuts ~ I don’t care, I like being outdoors, besides ..I stopped feeling like I was living in a fishbowl a long time ago ~ Oh yeah ..then what made you bring it up? ~ Just an observation ~ No it wasn’t ..you were obsessing ~ OK, I was observing myself obsessing ~ A lot of good that’ll do ~ Actually, non-judgmental observation is an excellent way to practice ~ Who told you that? ~ Jisho Perry ~ Sounds like an excellent way to practice rationalizations if you ask me ~ That’s because you don’t practice enough ~ Hey, there is no such thing as ‘too much’ or ‘too little’ ..it’s just practice, remember? ~ Where’d you get that idea? ~ Jisho Perry ~ Do you believe everything he tells you ?~ No ~ Yes you do ~ No I don't ~ and so it goes ~ No wonder I don’t do this more often.

Animal poo

For the past couple weeks I’ve been walking up a road that leads to a canyon behind me. A fine yellow powder covers the road and makes me wonder ~ I look up at the oak trees ~ but they are not like eucalyptus trees that leave pollen all over my deck. Oak trees don’t shed like that. I ran into Bob today, a retired dentist who lives across the way. I like to call him ‘Dr Jones’ the way they do in the Indiana Jones’ movies. Anyway, the oak trees belong to him and he tells me there’s an ‘oak caterpillar’ eating the leaves ~ he points out a couple of trees that I hadn’t noticed ~ they’re almost bare. It turns out that the yellow powder I’d been wondering about is the excrement from this leaf-eating activity ~ and I’m like euwwww. The nearest cross-street is called Anapamu ~ which I jokingly pronounce ‘animal poo’ to friends of mine from out of town. I guess I’m not joking anymore.

Slip stream

There’s a stream running through my head. I sit and watch it go by ~ one flashing instance after another. When I try to push it ~ or tweak it ~ I disperse it. Now I’ve got several streams running through my head. I see images of my father holding me on his knee ~ zen master Jisho walks by but can’t stay for tea ~ my neighbor Don appears telling me it’s going to be a good day. I see images of Big Sur smoldering and feel anxious about going. Now I’m trying to peak at instances that haven’t arrived yet. Jisho's voice gently tells me I’m leaning too far ~ but it’s too late ~ I’m tumbling head over heels ~ hoping to land in instances closer to home. Doctor Jones tells me to get a grip ~ I'm having an out-of-sequence experience ~ I see the warning signs ~ curva peligrosa ~ I swerve to avoid them and sirens wail ~ a police car roars by like a freight train. I drive along the shoulder until I come to an off-ramp and disappear down the side streets.

Smart people

Video exchange ~ that’s the deal ~ for one fee I get to see as many videos as I want ~ but not at the same time ~ I have to give one back before I can take the next. So, tonight I’m all psyched to see the third season of ‘weeds’ ~ I make sure to put the old video ‘smart people’ in the car before I leave. I arrive at Blockbuster and go directly to the aisle I want ~ the videos are a little mixed up so I shuffle them around until I find the one I’m looking for ~ disk three. I go up to the counter and realize I don’t have ‘smart people’ ~ must’ve left it in the car ~ so I put down weeds ~ go outside and proceed to tear the car apart ~ no luck ~ I must’ve left it at home. I finish shopping then go home and tear the house apart ~ twice ~ and give it up for lost, figuring, this time ~ before I see weeds ~ I’ll have to pay full price for the other video. I take my credit card, go back to Blockbuster, pick up a copy of weeds, and my copy of smart people is sitting right behind it.

Wine country

Water from the Pacific Ocean hits the coast and vaporizes ~ the vapor gets sucked up by thermal drafts and separates into molecules ~ the water molecules get carried away by the jet stream and turn into clouds that rain over the vineyards of California ~ the rain water gets sucked into grapes and the grapes are turned into wine ~ the wine is consumed by people on the coast who dutifully return it to the Pacific Ocean where it crashes into warm coastal air and vaporizes again ~ so, I think what I’m trying to say is ~ the next bottle of wine you drink may have originated in your own backyard.

Letter to the editor

The Los Angeles Times printed my letter today. It's a response to an article written by economist Dan Ariely, titled ‘Deconstructing confidence’ [link].

Letter:  Dr. Ariely, If exposure to uncontrollable events leads to helplessness ..I’m not sure government regulation is the proper antidote. It seems like this would reduce our sense of control even further. I agree that we’ve experienced an alarming sequence of disasters over the last decade. But, I also believe it’s the experience of overcoming events like these that bolsters confidence ..not relying on ‘government planners’ to circumnavigate them for us. Besides, no one is ever going to eliminate unpredictable events and setbacks. The best we can do is prepare for them by fostering a sense of resilience. That seems like a far better antidote to feelings of helplessness than government regulation.