Orla Gartland

Grammy winner

Esalen

Day eight ~ I’m having breakfast and listening to Tania, a work-scholar from Russia, tell me about her mediation practice. She is drop-dead gorgeous ..with a hypnotic accent. I don’t remember a thing she said ..but I do remember the way she waved her hand in a circle above her head to describe how her thoughts go ‘off-track’ while she’s meditating. I believe I told her that mine do too ..but I can’t be sure. Now I' m laughing at something another work-scholar said: “ ..slap your money down ..turn your life around” referring to ‘seminarians’ (like me). Work-scholars live and work here while seminarians drop by for quickie retreats. I often hang with the work-scholars and sometimes get stoned with them. Because of my hair and overall appearance I'm often mistaken for one. So I hear where they’re coming from.

Gail from Benedict Canyon is here too. She heard this and feels insulted ..as if we’re stupid enough to believe a single visit can be a life changing experience. She’s hurt and I think she's taking things a little too personally. I try explaining how work-scholars often feel like second-class citizens ..cleaning rooms, gardening, that sort of thing, when I realize that’s not what’s bothering her. She came here looking for a date and thought she was having one with Rich (my roommate). But he left earlier this week with a much younger girl he met at the baths. She’s been sitting here chain-smoking for almost two hours.

Esalen

Workshop (Mary Goldenson) ~ Rich would have liked this one ..very intimate. According to Mary Goldenson there are several different survival strategies we adopt as children. They’re called going defensive. The work we're doing (going to the mat) brought up two issues for me: withdrawal and detachment. Kind of like PTSD ..I survived childhood by shutting down emotionally to insulate myself so I could power through the battlefield without feeling anything. As an adult I still use these defenses. Most recently to numb the shock of illness ..impairment ..job loss and divorce, which has lead me to where I am now. Here.

Continues here ~> day eight

Esalen

(Rich ducked out of here yesterday. When I got back from the bath’s last night  his stuff was gone. Perhaps he and Gail went someplace more private.) 

Workshop ~ We’ve been asked to pair up and talk about the ‘work’ we’ve been doing here. Soo’s from Singapore. She says coming to Esalen was a big shock. “In Singapore, we don’t feel nearly as free to express ourselves as people do here. We’re afraid of contradicting ourselves so we stick with the ‘facts’. My ‘work’ here has been to be more open but it’s terrifying. I’m always afraid someone will catch me in a lie.” I’m surprised to hear this .. she always looks so serene and self-assured. And I thought my work was daunting. It’s going to sound so trivial. Something about loosening up. Fortunately we run out of time and I’m spared the embarrassment. Soo says we can meet in the lodge and continue, if I want.

Continues here ~> Mary Goldenson

Esalen

Creativity workshop ~ Turns out Rich and I are in the same workshop.  however, he can see there won’t be much group therapy going on here. He bails but not before meeting Gail, an attractive divorcee from Benedict canyon. Together they go looking for another workshop. Looks to me like he’s already found what he's looking for

“Try screwing it in instead of pushing ..” the instructor tells me. I’m trying to look at an agave plant through a jeweler’s glass but it keeps popping out. She’s right ..screwing it in works. We’re supposed to view an ordinary object this way then spend 20 minutes writing about it. I have these things growing in my backyard but don’t usually pay this close attention to them. It’s shape captures the dew and channels it to the interior. Clever. It’s also rimmed with tiny diamond-shape teeth. I wonder what those are for. The bell sounds and everyone starts writing. I decide to write a verse:

rock coast flower
overlooking the sea
drinking dewdrop nectar tea.

watch out for the man-eating agave
with razor-sharp teeth, blood-soaked lips
hiding in my garden  .. licking its fingertips.

“short but sweet” the instructor says ..and now I'm wondering if I should have said more.

Continues here ~> workshop

Esalen

Day one ~ I meet my roommate Rich ..a silver-haired attorney from L.A. He’s been here for three weeks already. Part of a month-long retreat. He tells me he chooses workshops based on the amount of ‘group therapy’ they offer “..that's the best way to pick up chicks” he says. He introduces me to Judy at the lodge ..a pretty Asian from Santa Barbara. I get the feeling she was in one of his group therapy workshops. (I hear Zen master Perry’s voice reminding me to lower the volume on suppositions like that ..they interfere with reception). Returning to the present I hear Judy ask me if I wear my copper bracelet to cleanse my bioflow.

Continues here ~> workshop

Kālī

"There are many ways to calm negative energy without suppressing or fighting it. You recognize it, you smile to it, and you invite something nicer to come up and replace it; you go somewhere in nature, or you do some walking meditation.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

Tomorrow never knows

"Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream"     ~  Tomorrow never knows by John Lennon

Sweet dreams

oh well

Danielle Haim

I hurl into the moment like I'm standing at the edge / I know / That no one's gonna turn me 'round / Just one more step, I could let go / I hear the voices and they're calling for me now / I know / And nothing's gonna wake me now / Cause I'm a slave to the sound / So keep calling