go ask Alice

"Never Again ..!" is what she swore ..the time before
Model: Jessica Truscott

Meg Myers

Gee wiz, that's a pretty awesome headband bra / It really turns me on / Not / Wait what / Your band's playing an abandoned synagogue tonight? / I don't think so / Whoa man / So you like, don't have a last name? / That's genius / Douche / Wait what / Your friend drives a vegan bbq truck? / I don't think so ...

C. indica

Cannabis indica is native to the Himalayas, India and Afghanistan. It’s traditionally cultivated for the production of hashish. Pharmacologically, C. indica tends to have a higher cannabidiol (CBD) content than C. sativa and is less psychoactive .. which means you get more of a “stoned” feeling from C. indica and less of a “high”. The C indica experience is often referred to as a “body buzz” and provides relief for pain and insomnia, as opposed to sativa’s more common reports of a “spacey” high. Common indica strains for recreational or medicinal use include Kush and Northern Lights. Photo courtesy of Coral Reefer [ link ]

Interdependence

Living in California you cannot fail to recognize the interdependence of life on the planet. What we’re now seeing is tuna that originated near Fukushima Japan ..traveling halfway across the globe ..carrying trace amounts of radioactivity .. being served at Sushi Bars on the coast of California.

Phone scam

December 10, 2012:    My stepdaughter is due any moment now. She lives in Portland and her mother is on the way. In fact, she should be there already. I’m expecting a call any moment. Sure enough, I’m preparing breakfast when the phone rings. The voice on the other end sounds excited.

“I've got news for you, Grandpa!” 
I’m like, sweet ..my son-in-law is calling me Grandpa now.
“All right. CONGRATULATIONS Dustin! How’s mother and child?”
“Uh ..OK” sounding noticeably less excited.
 “How’re you doing Dustin ..you don’t sound so well.”
 “Oh, probably ‘cuz I’m on medications ..I hurt my ankle at work.”
 He works in construction so it figures.
“Sorry to hear ..are you at the hospital now?
“No, here’s the thing you see..I got stopped on my way over.”
“Uh oh ..”
 “Yeah, I’m at the station now.”
“What for ..speeding?”
“No, driving while intoxicated.”
 “Did you tell them where you’re going ..they should give you a police escort” like I’ve seen on T.V. “Where’s Laura ..she should be there by now.”
“I didn’t wanna’ to get her alarmed so I thought I’d call you first.”
“They gotta’ be worried ..you want me to call?”
“Not yet ..there’s something I need you to do for me.”
 “What’s that ..?”
“A court official wants to talk to you ..like vouch for me or something.”
 “Who?”
“Not exactly sure ..”
“OK ..but Laura might be in a better position ..”
“No Grandpa ..I want you to talk to him first.”
Now I’m getting a little suspicious.
You sure I'm the party you’re trying to reach, Dustin?”
“You’re scaring me ..”
“Just want to make sure I’m who you think I am. By the way ..who am I?”
“You’re my grandfather.”
“Which one ..?”
 “Eugene. Are you’re screwing with me.”
“No, I think you’re screwing with me.”
 I hang up and immediately call Laura. She tells me she’s in the waiting room ..Dustin’s in the delivery room.

Proceed in slow motion

  Thors Well Oregon

Rob Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology Reading: Do you plan your meals while you’re meditating? Do you text-message as you drive? Do you simultaneously eat a meal, pay your bills and watch TV? If so, you are probably trying to move too fast and do too much. Even in normal times, that's no good. But in the coming week, it could get downright crowded. You need to slowwww wayyyy dowwwn. You've got . . . to compel yourself . . . to do . . . one thing . . . at a time. I say this not just because your mental and physical health depend on it. Certain crucial realizations about your future are on the verge of popping into your awareness .. but they will only pop if you are immersed in a calm and unhurried state. 

Adaptability

I’m sitting on the deck sipping coffee and scanning the paper for items of interest. I see where they’re accusing Gov. Jan Brewer of ‘flip flopping’ and zero-in. I cringe at this term. Apparently she changed her position on an issue. Ordinarily politics doesn’t interest me much but when politicians start making claims about the psyche .. I take notice. To me, the ability to focus and shift perspective with equal ease is an admirable quality [ link ]. Others call it a sign of inconsistency and weakness. Flip-flopping is not a flattering term. However, sticking to a single position must mean tuning-out a lot of information that doesn’t conform. I think Greek Philosophers call this a Procrustean solution ..the practice of tailoring data to fit a preconceived idea [ link ]. During periods of rapid change ..it doesn’t sound like much of an asset. Probably the reason Senator Russell Pearce was recalled in 2011.

Recent discovery

      ... for me anyway

Somatic awareness

Psychologists say that yoga and breathing exercises improve ‘somatic awareness’ ..and that somatic awareness replaces anticipation and rumination. I have a tendency to look forward and backwards a lot. They say it can be a source of anxiety and depression. Somatic awareness helps me better sense when my mind wanders from the here and now [ link ].

Buddhist parable

“I am going to give you big secret of the fountain of youth that will save you much money on cosmetics and plastic surgery: In stillness we do not age as quickly as those whose minds are constantly battling to hold their personalities together.”  ◊  Wing

Psychologists have reached the same conclusion. A large amount of mental activity is devoted to making sure what we say conforms to our personality. In a study titled Cognitive demand and self-presentation [link] they asked participants about a specific event. Participants often answered with general or average cases that best represented the image they were trying to maintain. Far easier to report an actual experience than figure an average.

Mastery

I go outside, sit on the deck and wake up to coffee, juice and the paper. Now I’m reading about a Vegas performer named Melanie who can catch arrows shot at her head. My eyes widen. She can’t actually see the arrows coming ..but feels their arrival. I sit back, close my eyes ..and remember something my friend Jen once told me. We definitely have more than five senses. So I’m thinking Melanie must have a highly developed sense of ‘chronometry’ ..which Jen explained as the ability to perceive the time interval or ‘gap’ between events. The release and impact of an arrow. “If can catch an arrow in midair I feel capable of anything” Melanie says and I’m no longer thinking Vegas performer. Now I’m thinking martial arts expert.

Romance of the absurd

Writing contest entry:  I was her dance partner at the dances after the high school football game . Her name was Carol. She was dark-haired and devastating. We’d sit with friends in a circle on the dance floor. When the music started she’d look over at me through those dark bangs, rock her head mischievously, take my hands and pull me up. We danced to rock and roll ..our arms clasped around each other’s neck. Head-to-head she’d look at me with an alluring smile that wouldn’t quit. It persisted while I lay in bed at night. This has gotta’ be love I felt. I was fifteen. My friends thought I was crazy “You’re way out of her league, bro.” I didn’t care what they said. I figured they were envious.

At the last dance I took a chance and tried to kiss her. She pulled back. I persisted and offered to walk her home. “I’ve got a ride” she replied. My heart sank. At a party that weekend I managed to make-out with someone else. How I haven’t a clue. I was such a nerd. My heart wasn’t into it though. She did manage to leave a bunch of hickies on my neck.

Monday morning I shared a little ganja with friends, spotted Carol across the quad and, feeling no inhibitions, called her. Then I ran through the quad and managed to trip and fall down right in front of her. She helped me up ..looked at my neck and gasped at the marks I had completely forgotten. “Will you go out with me ..?” I blurted out. “You've got to be kidding” she replied. “Let me explain” I said. She went “look at your eyes ..you must be stoned!” Our relationship, as it was, went no further. Football season was over.

hydro therapy

Kate Winslet

Kate Winslet as Sarah in ‘Little Children’

New frontier

I’m here at a bar where computing people meet. Angela says she’s a Cloud Computing Specialist ..Daniel is a User Experience Analyst. I tell them I used to be a Software Engineer and they’re like “..how quaint.” That won’t fly in this crowd.  I sit back for a moment and think. “OK ..I’m a Fulfillment Specialist.” Now we’re drinking like old buddies. What used to be known as ‘software’ has been blown to smithereens. Apps did that.  These days in order to service requests from mobile customers  ..you need apps that mimic exchanges in cyber-space. I’m talking apps that simulate buyers ..apps that simulate sellers and apps that simulate order-takers ..as well as apps that allow other apps to communicate (usually referred to as API’s). You also need apps to determine the best cyber-channel to take for fulfillment. Each transaction requires a host of delegates to ensure what goes in one end ..persists and comes out the other. A single piece of software just can’t do that.  Now I’m feeling better equipped to hold my own in this crowd.

Lifespan development

Why some kids handle pressure and others fall apart ..

Declining memory

I don’t think I’m losing my memory. No ..it’s more like I’m blurring the lines that separate memories. I’m connecting people and events that never occurred together in the first place. For instance, the other night I was watching the movie ‘Time Travelers Wife’ ..and Jen came to mind, the person who originally recommended it. That’s OK. However later on I was thinking about someone else, Andrea ..and suddenly I’m sensing the presence of ‘Time Traveler’s Wife’ as though she were the one who recommended it. In fact we never talked about it. It took me a moment to realize that the only connection between her and the film is that she works at the same place as Jen, which is really no connection at all. I wonder if there’s a word for this type of condition. Hyper connectivity ..? Perforated boundaries ..? The older I get ..the more loosely organized memory becomes. Am I losing memories ..? No ..it’s more like I’m losing my mind.

Gaming

Day 61:  I have broken the habit of turning off lights whenever I leave the room. Maybe it’s more of a compulsion ..I don’t know. I’m not being wasteful ..I just don’t want to end up in a dark place. My head doesn’t handle it well and usually drops the rest of me on the floor. Without visual it doesn’t know my position in space and it’s like ..everyone for themselves. Anyway, I credit computer games with helping me break this habit. They’ve help me think strategically and move forward carefully .. knowing I can’t move backward in time.

Oregon coast

Dharma, seek and you will find truth inside your mind, Dharma.

The ride

Day 60:  I finish my physical therapy and walk over to the high school football stadium. It feels like I’m detached from my body and viewing it through the narrow lens of a camcorder. What’s in front of me is in focus while the periphery fades away. I’m hoping my peripheral vision will pick up anything there that requires attention. I walk around the track that I used to run. I use the rails to stretch my piriformis muscle, which loosens my pelvis and gives me a smoother ride. I sit on the steps and watch a soccer game that’s already in progress. Feels comforting. Like I’m in the hands of some benevolent neighborhood spirit or something.

progressive relaxation

Day 60: Feels like I go through the day experiencing long periods of tension followed by short periods of relaxation. They seem to follow whatever comes up or the type of activity I’m doing ..like receiving news of a project deadline or working through a computer problem. I think progressive relaxation [ link ] works by forcing me to spend at least 20 minutes or so repeating this ‘tense and release’ cycle quickly and deliberately. It seems to put tension and relaxation more under my control .. extend the period of time I get to spend in relaxation and, who knows ..maybe even help me learn to relax at will.

New balance

Day 59: My vestibular system is shot [ link ]. Since it’s a major component of balance I’ve come to rely on vision and proprioception to know my position in space, which is what enables me to walk upright like a human being. However, I don’t receive the best signals from my legs and feet, which are a big part of proprioception. So that leaves vision. I’ve come to rely on my eyes. But my eyes come back to haunt me. So I’m learning that the best way to navigate mother earth is by keeping my eyes directed forward and not shifting them from side to side. I need to trust peripheral vision for that. It actually does a better job. Focused attention augments visual features. Too much attention to what’s on the periphery lowers the threshold for warning signals. For instance, bright shiny objects, like passing cars, signal motion ..but not necessarily the motion of the cars. It can trick me into thinking that I’m the one in motion and I’m moving in the wrong direction. It can also trigger alarm as though they’re coming at me. Best left to peripheral vision to correctly screen for these things ..keeping my eyes focused on what’s in front of me.

Rule-driven

       ..whereabouts unknown

 “Perpetual devotion to what we call business is only sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things.” ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

Day 56:  I think my new obsession with counting carbs is making my taste buds dull. I’m wondering what other things my senses are missing. The sign that says: no pain no gain has definitely taken a toll on my flexibility. I feel about as stiff as a board. In my search for common ground I think I’ve been missing subtle differences. Now I don’t know but I’ve been told knowledge is knowledge of differences. Or is that the language of separation ..(?) Lately I feel like a commodity that requires a ton of self-promotion. And this what’s-in-it-for-me attitude is robbing me of what’s-in-the-moment. Dr Thompson says he doesn’t know too many people with good mental health who don’t also have good presence-of-mind. Even Ecclesiastes says “..what the eye beholds is better than what the mind foresees.” Makes me wonder if I haven’t veered off-course somewhere.