morning trek

6:30 am ..I check out the news and weather online. Watch Hayley Williams sing on YouTube. Feel my spirits lifting. Have coffee and a smoothie on the deck ..watch my thoughts pick up speed. Put the top down on the alfa and zip to the shore. I start at the bird refuge by the lagoon  ..adjust my trekking poles and take long strides to the bluff overlooking Butterfly Beach. I pass through azalea, bougainvillea and lantana. Watch a hummingbird freeze in midair to check me out. I can feel the breeze from its wings on my face. I thank her for the kind gesture and she passes. I look out over the edge ..glassy conditions, emerald green water. I think next time I’m wearing my swim shorts instead.

Lucidity Festival

Rainbow Girls
Lucidity Festival

Santa Barbara  CA

Lilia pt 2

I run into Lilia on my next trip to the high school track and ask her if she’s able to continue running on the beach. I’ve been going down there just about every morning since we met. She reminds me to call before next time I go. We make plans for the following day. Later I wonder if it’s such a good idea ..might be too soon to make it a social event. I don’t know. I need to stay focused. I call the next day anyway .. but she tells me she has to go to the airport with her family ..she forgot. Her sister-in-law is coming to visit. But she wants to go tomorrow. I call the next morning and get a message telling me she’s a voice-mail customer who hasn’t started her voice-mail service yet. For some reason it feels like a failure-to-launch, which surprises me. I shouldn’t feel this way .. it’s not like it was a date or anything. Even though I know I’m  making a big deal out of it ..it.kinda’ revives my doubts. Reminds me to stay focused.

certainty of possibility

I think I may actually know something about the value of information. It was my field in grad school and I worked in IT for almost 20 years. Seems like I should. Anyway I can usually tell when someone says something will happen based only on the  possibility that it could happen. In logic I think they would call that a fallacy. Last week the Washington Post reported  Edward Snowden’s claim that the government has unfettered access to our personal online records. Alarming, but the way the report reads ..only a possibility. Since the Washington Post is a fairly reliable source and some of the other claims turned out to be true, I gave this one equal credit. Next I hear all the major online services denying such a ‘secret government portal’ exists. I felt like I’d given it too much credit. The folks at Google would certainly know when they’re being hacked ..wouldn’t they. Then the New York Times reports that Google and government officials ‘discussed the creation of portals’ where the government can go retrieve online information anytime ..without a search warrant. Certainly bolsters Snowden’s claim. Today I hear that Snowden has been on a campaign against intrusive government for a long time and his claim is based on ‘government-training material’. Certainly a worthy campaign ..but I’ve seen government-training material before. So now I’m back to square one. Just because someone says something could happen doesn’t mean it did. As far as I’m concerned .. the value of his claim is still indeterminate and could go either way.

don't look back

Lilia pt 1

I meet Lilia for the first time at the football stadium. I’m walking around the track ..she’s sitting on the steps having a beer. It’s Friday after work. I stop and say “hi, kicking back?”  She responds enthusiastically so I stay and we chat. She says she needed to get out of the house ..something about not wanting to drink in front of her daughter. She goes on to tell me she’s getting a divorce and recently moved back to Santa Barbara where she grew up. Went to high school here ..played soccer and ran cross-country. Graduated in 1984 ..which I quickly figure makes her 12 years younger than me (old habit). She looks fit ..Hispanic ..pretty. She tells me she’s started running again on the beach and says: “they’ve finally come out with a running shoe you can wear in the water.” I tell her about my plans to start walking where I used to run along the shore. She lights up and asks me to call ..she’d like to join me ..says it would help her stayed committed ..and gives me her number. I give her mine. Turns out we’re neighbors ..she lives just a few doors down. Now I’m having lingering thoughts about her.

Kālī

continued from [here]

I saw Kālī a few more times before she left Santa Barbara. Then I didn’t hear from her at all. I assumed she was getting along OK in Ojai ..composing music ..following the path ..getting clear ..when I received a message. She’d gone much deeper than that. The path was now her home. She was living at an Ashram in Colorado ..immersed in spiritual practice 24 hours a day ..sometimes performing Tantric Yoga until sunrise. Tantric yoga requires a partner ..and she had one. Marco Shapanka is a practicing Hindu and devotee of Sri Ramakrishna. Sri Ramakrishna was a 19th century Bengalese Swami and head of Dakshineswar Kālī Temple. Sri Ramakrishna also had a partner ..Sri Sri Sarada Devi who is considered to be an incarnation of the Goddess Kālī. So, to my astonishment, Serena was not just following Kālī ..she was re-enacting the life of Kālī and her successive incarnations. It felt like I was witnessing the birth of another wave in a cycle that had begun 4,000 years ago.

(to be continued)

Kālī

continued from [here]

Next time I saw Kālī I learned her real name .. Serena. She told me she was a devotee of Sri AnandamayiMa .. a Hindu Saint and incarnation of the Goddess Kālī. In Hindu tradition, the Goddess Kālī is consort to Lord Shiva and together they represent the creative and destructive powers of the Universe. Hearing this struck a chord. I was on a similar path when I was her age. I remembered a piece of music that resonated with me then and brought it with me next time. It resonated with her too. The inside cover has an illustration of the Kālī Yantra .. same as the one tattooed on Serena’s back. Until then I had not paid much attention to the CD illustration. I was paying attention now. Serena explained how the tattoo came to be on her back. Earlier in the year she had an ecstatic experience. She came into direct contact with the spirit of Goddess Kālī [link].

(continued)

Kālī

When I first met Kāli, she told me she was sick of living in the contaminated atmosphere surrounding Southern California. It wasn’t just the air pollution. She felt that way about the food and culture as well. At 20 she was already an established DJ ..specializing in electronic Eastern music. However she was about to stop performing. “I’m tired of playing to a room full of zombies.” She was also looking for a place in Ojai, which she felt was a more healthy community. There she could take time to compose and deepen her commitment to spiritual practice. “Sounds refreshing” I said ..and told her about a Buddhist monastery on a nearby mountaintop where she could go meditate whenever she wanted. “Ohhh, you have no idea how wonderful that sounds right now.” Actually, I thought ..yeah I do. But I just smiled and gave her a hug. I had no doubt she’d find her way. [continued]

Galactic Psymadhi by ॐ Kali Devi ॐ

Shoreline

I down a smoothie and go walking in the early morning fog along the shore. It’s my favorite time ..just before burnoff. Very soothing. I pass by tai chi and yoga classes in the park. Very cool. At the end of the wharf where there’s nothing separating me from the water I watch low flying pelicans appear out of the mist then disappear again. The water is smooth and olive green. Very full and very still. Massive. Leaving, I promise to rent myself a three-wheel bike next time. I’m in the market for one anyway.