psych notes

Sometimes I ask myself ..is this what I want to write ..or what I think other people want me to write. Sometimes I feel rebellious and answer myself, shouting: “It’s my blog ..I’ll do what I want.” Either way, I’m struggling with something going on inside my head .. telling me what is and what isn’t appropriate to write about. I flash back to my schoolboy days ..listening to some instructor ask me if I have anything pertinent to say. Since I don’t see an instructor here at the moment ..and no one in particular comes to mind ..I must have created an internal instructor telling me what it thinks everyone else wants to hear. I tell myself that I’ve got to move on ..and not be bound by childhood experience ..I’m an adult for Christ sake. Nobody cares what I write anymore. But it persists ..especially when I’m telling myself to ignore it and move on. So, I see only one way out ..co-habitation. Learn to live with the beast of conditioned-existence. Make friends with it ..serve it tea ..or wine. Maybe then it’ll lower it’s guard and I’ll be able to see what exists on the other side more often.