Slipstream

I wake up to the sound of ‘dear prudence’ on the radio ~ it sounds so good I wonder why I never bought the Beatles white album before ~ I go downstairs and hear my plants begging for food and water ~ and decide to take care of them before breakfast ..thinking it’ll go fast ~ I’m sitting at the dining room table trying to convert grams ..to ounces ..to tablespoons ..and failing ~ I kick myself for being so stupid ~ I switch on the laptop and it tells me I’ve lost some components of windows ..would I like to restore ..? OK, I say ..wondering if it has a leak ~ while it’s doing that, I water a nearby plant ..and watch as the water runs out the bottom ~ I rush to the sink ..spilling dirt along the way ~ I’m on my knees cleaning the carpet when the computer asks me if I would like to run an anti virus now ~ I reach up with a dirty wet hand and press OK ..hoping it'll find the other leak ~ before I can wash the dirt off my hands ..it informs me that the anti virus is missing a component ..would I like to restore ..? Of course, I yell ..that’s what I pay you for ..! Now there’s dirt all over the keyboard ~ I’m cleaning up thinking maybe I better do this outside ..the plants could use a good drench watering ..besides, I can handle it from here ..it’ll go fast ~ I pick up a bamboo palm from upstairs and take it outside ..it’s bone dry ~ I pick up a kentia palm and spill dirty water all over the carpet ..guess I over-watered it ~ I get a towel to blot it up ..and a plastic bag to wrap it up and take it outside ~ I change into gardening clothes ~ I look at a plant I took outside last week ..it’s burning up ~ I stop to perform a quick transplant and bring it back inside ..leaving a trail of dirt behind ~ I stop to clean it up .. and look at the laptop ~ the antivirus is finished but has no leaks to report ~ I guess the leaks are in my head ~ I begin watering ..I look at my watch ..it’s past noon ..maybe I should have a cup of coffee first ~ I put down the hose ~ and pick it up again going ..nah, I’m almost done ~ now I’m pruning trees by the creek ~ creating a pile of debris ~ and thinking of a way to tell my neighbors that I’m not cool with their plans to grow bamboo ~ a potted fichus starts to overflow ~ I run over .. grab the hose .. and notice blood running down my arm ~ I cut myself with the pruning shears while thinking of what to say to my neighbors ~ I take my shirt off and run the hose over my head ~ I go inside and pour peroxide on the wound ~ now I’m sitting outside drinking juice and coffee ..it’s 2 pm ~ I go inside ~ I come back outside ~ I see that two of my palms have white fly ~ I go inside to get the spray ~ I come outside ~ I go inside again and get my reading glasses because I can’t read the instructions ~ I come back outside ~ I go inside to get a magnifying glass because I still can’t read the instructions ~ I wonder if my vision is getting more blurry ~ I begin spraying ..and the wind blows it right back in my face ~ I’m holding my hair while I flush my eyes with the hose ~ now I’m sitting in the dirt going: “..how the fuck did I get here ..?”