I know Amy from the university. She is drop-dead gorgeous, even though she wears no make-up and dresses down in black jeans, torn sweatshirts and biker boots. She kinda resembles Mary Louise Parker ..only not so baby-faced. I really enjoy talking with her ..she has crazy-off-center ideas. She’s an honors-student majoring in chemistry. I ran into her the other night at the springs. I hadn’t seen her for a long time. She was cheerful but in trouble. The university had expelled her, her fiancé bailed on her and the police were considering charges against her. What charges ..? Something about being an accessory in the death of her roommate. I’m like, WTF ..? She goes on to tell me there wasn’t a day that went by she didn’t hear her roommate talk about committing suicide. I guess Amy didn’t take her seriously after hearing this for like, seven months. She borrowed a gun from her fiancé and brought it home. Her roommate shot herself the next day. Amy shows no remorse. She did not think her roommate would do it “I mean, if she was really going to do it she’d have done it already.” I’m stunned ..a hundred things run through my head. Things like, you get help for people in distress, not a gun. Now I feel repelled, telling myself I could have expected something like this from someone like her. However, when I look a little closer, what I’m really doing is re-interpreting my experiences, and some of her outrageous, but perfectly innocent remarks ..to fit this unforeseeably tragic turn of events.
16 comments:
WOW ! how tragic.
This really happened ?
Tragic indeed
..true story
... well, why would she borrow the gun... one might wonder... for what purpose... and how could she be cheerful... at a time like this... and how well do we really know anyone...
all very good questions ..
there are no good answers ..but here’s what I know .. I should’ve said she was cheerful-looking ..she told me she borrowed the gun to show her roommate “..just how horrible the things she was contemplating actually are.”(!?)
My posts don’t tell the whole story. It was actually pretty frightening to hear.
That's awful.
That's life.
I'd like to be the Devil'd Advocate here and simply say "Amy was not responsible" Why? Because her roommate chose to use that gun and shoot herself.
Did she stop to think the consequence of her actions?
I don't see the need to be not cheerful because something really terrible is happening in your life either. Yes, it would be a lot easier to understand Amy if she expressed or looked guilty, but then, question is - is she the kind of person who'd choose to behave a certain way to keep others happy?
a shift of perspective, very cool Vinisha ..I don’t think it began or ended with amy .. consequences are uncertain until they happen ..I got the feeling she didn’t think it was likely to turn out that way.
Yeah may be. And may be I am just doing my 2 bits in not criticizing Amy... trying to break the chain sorts :)
I'd say breaking the chain is worth more than two bits. I value different perspectives highly =)
No one else is responsible when someone else pulls the trigger. At least not by law, eh. I do believe, however, that we can be... and should be... empathic and sensitive when someone is crying out... and sensible. But we don't always make the best choices, in dealing with those sorts of situations. As innocent as she may have been, bringing a gun in was totally stupid and totally irresponsible. It doesn't make her guilty... just stupid. Show her the gun, to scare her... then leave it where she can get to it? Yeah... stupid. Or maybe naive might be a better word. Extremely naive. Or who knows... maybe she got sick of hearing her talk about offing herself, so thought she'd provide her a way to get it over with.
People don't have to behave any sort of way in order to please other people. I certainly don't... but human, that we are, we often wonder what prompts others to behave in ways that seem foreign to our own ways. That's human nature... to wonder. From a personal point of view, I wouldn't be able to seem cheerful if my roommate had just blown their brains out. That might be the trait of a socio-path, however. On the other hand, if someone knows that they totally were not responsible, this would have to be totally freaky... and it might take a lot of personality to muster up cheerfulness.
I certainly wouldn't prevail from wondering, in order to seem non-accusing. And who knows... perhaps Amy is the one in need of feeling empathy for, now... for who knows what horrow she secretly feels on the inside, that she may have to suffer for the rest of her days.
Thanks Sarah,
I know she’s not totally stupid ..but I think her intelligence is not always well-directed. Socio-path may come closer. I find it ironic .. she’s extremely bright academically, but has a blind spot for all the social signs.
Sad, indeed. I wouldn't be offended if you deleted my rant... you know, I'm a little sensitive, there... and I feel that people, as our brother's and sister's keepers... should be more responsible for other's emotional welfare... but that's just me. And maybe she was trying, in her own way. So many deaths are senseless... and we have to keep trying to find ways to keep from losing even one. And here I go again... another rant. Lemme bow out... and move on.
Sarah,
I’m glad you responded ..it didn't bother me ..the original incident bothers me ..as well as my frustrations writing about it ..but I don’t want to discourage any comments.
Thanks ..
..how can an autistic model be implied by the lack of empathy?
I ask because of experiences with a 48 yr old employer with Asperger's syndome symptoms (& other autistic questions.)
lack of empathy doesn’t imply someone is somewhere on the autism spectrum ..wasn’t the case with Amy. Childhood trauma can also cause people to tune-out feelings.
high functioning Aspergers can work if an employer has had extensive behavioral-training, and is actively monitoring. Problem I see is that pressure often trumps training.
That’ll be 5 cents ..
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