Crazy Charlie

Charlie was in a car crash yesterday. Now the police are looking for him so they can charge him with leaving the scene of an accident. He was hurt ..broke his arm in fact ..but he still managed to walk away. I asked him why he didn’t just sit there and wait for the ambulance like anybody else ..he wasn’t driving ..so, it didn’t matter what condition he was in. He tells me he went to Macy’s ..put on a new pair of Calvin Klein underwear ..then took a cab to the hospital. What the fuck ..?! He goes: “Shit man, my shorts were all ripped up ..my mother told me always make sure I’m wearing decent underwear just in case something like this happens ..there were holes in my underwear, man ..I couldn’t let nurses see me with holes in my underwear.” “Gotcha ..now look, I’m not contradicting your mother or anything, but I do believe a broken arm beats holy underwear in this situation.” He goes on and on ..and I go uh huh ..uh huh ..uh huh ..you were holding ..uh huh ..I see ..uh huh ..by the way, what kinda’ medz they give you ..? He shows me a bottle of codeine and a bottle of valium. Apparently he was pretty shook when they saw him ..he’s still pretty shook. I took the bottle of valium .. shook a couple into my hand ..then put them in my pocket and gave it back ..boy did he howl. Look, I said ..we’re going downtown ..I’ll vouch for your mental condition ..tell them that you’re guilty of nothing more than following your mother’s advice ..they only want to get a statement ..I guarantee you that they’ll drop the charges and stop the chase; otherwise, I’ll give you these back ..deal ..? Deal. OK, wow ~ there is nothing worse for a paranoiac than to be pursued in real life ..it confirms their suspicion about all those other times.