During conscious breathing I can often hear the internal narrative that my thoughts create. I find myself trying to tell if it’s quarrelsome, critical or confined by past events. Am I busy judging those events as right or wrong – agreeable or offensive ..? Now I’m caught-up judging whether that action is the right or wrong way to practice. I quickly return to my breath ..feeling it rise and fall without effort. When I return to my head, like I so often do, I see a procession of discriminating thoughts rising and falling. So I remind myself not to resist or control them (from an old zen instruction). Trying simply to pay attention to their passing nature. Like the breath arrives and dissolves the toxins of the body .. can I allow each mental instance to arrive and dissolve of it’s own accord. I see periods of neutral thought followed by periods of critical thought. Perhaps I catch a glimpse of clarity once in a while. Like the bubbles of air I’m breathing ..can I let go and allow mental formations to flow, unencumbered, until they vanish. Sometimes, while I’m following my breath ..I imagine myself mimicking the action of the nervous system ..the way it transmits messages and recovers without congestion. There’s no time for bickering there. Then I let that image flow until it vanishes and return to my breath. And so it goes.
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