Comfortably numb

I do things just to get them behind me and move on to other things ..so I can get those behind me too ..I don’t often see what’s in front of me .. I’m looking too far forward or backward. This morning I’m doing the dishes, while watching images of events gone by. I see Anne stopping by to say hi (from yesterday). Next, an image of my friend’s mother appears who suffers arthritis from washing dishes. That’s when I missed grabbing the knife by its handle and saw the blood in the sink. Pain arrived a split second later followed by a scream because my hands were numb from the water. Now my eyes are wide open and I’m thrashing around the bathroom cabinets looking for antiseptic and bandages ..swearing at myself for being so clumsy ..as well as the knife for being so stupid (!?). I drop by Prof Neal’s office for a chat and he interrupts me to ask why my hand is bandaged. I give him a brief explanation and shrug it off, but I see he’s not going to let it go that easy.

“Tell me what happened.”
“That’s all there is to it ..”
“Why don’t you take me back there.”
“Why ..?”
“Indulge me.”

Ok, so I give him a more detailed account ..leaving out the part where I called the knife stupid. Afterward, he tells me I’m interfering with the ‘binding principle’ when I do that. “Do what ..?” I ask “Drift away .. not enough light gets through for you to put together what’s in front of you.” He goes on to tell me that I probably grabbed the knife the same way I grabbed the last utensil because, while I’m drifting away ..my brain is computing the likelihood of the next event (knife) based on a set of light waves it received from a prior event (spoon). He goes on to say “While you’re out there creating one narrative ..your brain is constructing a counter-factual model of what’s at hand. Your observation didn’t come back to the dishes until the separation became too great for you to be in both places at once.” He lost me but I try to cover it up. “I suppose you’re going to tell me if I hadn’t cut myself ..I may have followed a narrative leading somewhere else instead of here.” He nods and goes "That’s right! You see, that’s what makes every moment worth paying attention to ..even when you’re washing dishes. You don't know where they’re going to lead.” I look around the office and go “OK, I’m buying this ..but can anyone else hear what we’re talking about ..?”