Noticing change

The four principles of Vipassana meditation are: 1) seeing clearly 2) being present 3) noticing change and 4) suspending judgment.

 I’m sitting on the beach, reminding myself to be more mindful and notice change. I mean changes in my head as well as changes in surf conditions. It’s hard to tell my thoughts are changing much ..they don’t pass cleanly. I grab hold of one and it forms a loop. I enjoy hearing the loop so much, I play it until it becomes background noise. It doesn’t go away. I see a flock of pelicans go by and hear a loop that sounds like: “Whoa, how prehistoric-looking ..what does Gina call them? Predators of the sea.” I ask myself when I last saw Gina.  Esalen, 2008. I’ve been playing that loop for almost three years now..?! I return to the present. I hear sea lions barking and go: “Wonder whose boat they’re going to scuttle next ..?” I remind myself I’m sitting on the beach ..scuttling is in the future ..I’m in violation of the second principle. I notice people going by: “Wonder how I look.” Then I'm like, WTF, who cares ..no one’s looking ..I’m just sitting on the beach for chrissake. I tell myself to calm down. Self-consciousness is a remnant of tribal past. If you didn’t look cool, you risked banishment. A consequence that probably hasn’t occurred for over 20.000 years now ..or perhaps occurs on any given day in high school. But now I'm just playing  another loop ..a rationalization loop to help me feel less neurotic. These loops get built-in and they attract more content over time. It’s hard to tell they were just passing thoughts once.