I try to write, but my mind is so cloudy ..I can hardly think. When I mention this to Dr Jones, he just nods and says it sounds like the ‘haze of aftermath’. The aftermath of what ..I ask. Traumatic events ..they release a shock wave so intense that your brain blocks pathways to protect you from impact ..all you experience is the haze of aftermath. Huh ..? You’ve heard of post traumatic stress, right ? ..happens to soldiers in battle ..helps them survive the horrors of war ..afterward, they have to deal with it or the haze persists ..until something gives. I tell him I’ve never been in a war, but I’ve had my share of lesser traumas ..like job loss ..business failure ..divorce ..bad tennis matches. Same thing ..he says. There is no standard ..everyone determines the magnitude of adversity for themselves. A short time later I see a partial clearing ..I walk into an open space .. a shock wave hits and leaves a precipice in its place ..I’m falling and clutching at whatever I can reach ..my wife ..my friends ..the Zen master. But my wife’s gone ..my friends have moved on and the Zen center relocated. I’m sitting on a sandy beach stunned and confused ..the phantom memories that broke through ..and commandeered my psyche ..have passed ..removing the haze of aftermath.
6 comments:
dr. jones sounds like such a calm man.
the image goes perfectly with your post.
I’m sitting on a sandy beach stunned and confused ..the phantom memories that broke through ..and commandeered my psyche ..have passed ..removing the haze of aftermath.
fantastic...rambling? perhaps? I don't know what to call it, but mr. zen you have the best of them.
PTSD, the phantom that resurfaces. I always take comfort that I am not alone with this. It gives me another thing to have in common with others and an opportunity to feel compassion
Elise ~ Thank you for your thoughtful comments ..and compliments ..it’s rewarding to see my words quoted back to me ..for that you get a great big hug and besos ..rambling is a California writing tradition that I can only hope to aspire ..thank you
Dakini ~ Life threatening illness is certainly a major contributor to PTSD ..and also a major source of empathy for fellow sufferers ..thank you so much
It's truly amazing how our brain tries to protect us from the meteoric impacts of life. At least until it judges that we may be capable of handling things. At the same time I find it a little disconcerting that a part of our body has a "mind of it's own"!
Disconcerting indeed ..perhaps if you say that the body has “wisdom of it’s own” ..it doesn't seem so bad ..thank you for commenting my dear .. hugs and besos ~ Lee
Post a Comment