Creepy feelings

I’m sitting outside ..sipping tea ..watching the sun go down ..and feeling no sense of accomplishment at all. I can hear the sound of skate boards going clickity clack down the sidewalk ..feels comforting ..don’t know why. I think it’s because I grew up with that sound ..so it brings back childhood memories. A voice in the back of my head keeps telling me I should be doing more to prepare myself for something ..what, I don’t know ..it won’t be more specific ..but it interferes with my sense of wellbeing. It’s a vague sense of foreboding ..like there are a thousand and one things creeping around ..conspiring to get together one day and form a great big ball of karma that’ll come rolling down the hill toward me. It feels just dreadful. I put down my tea to take a closer look and see if there’s any merit to these creepy feelings. I know there’s a stack of professional correspondence I haven’t gotten around to ..not to mention personal correspondence ..there’s a trip to Northern California coming up ..a lawsuit ..deferred maintenance ..computer upgrades ..shakey finances ..erratic Zen practices ..and a bunch of laundry piling up. Not much, really ..unless I look at what’s behind door called ‘deferred maintenance’. Zen practice tells me to be mindful of what’s happening right here in front of me ..so, I’m watching the sunset ..enjoying my tea ..listening to new music (Michelle Shocked and Tori Amos) ..and ignoring what’s behind door called ‘deferred maintenance’. I'm practicing Zen. OK, and I’m also making a conscious attempt to expand the boundaries of my imagination ..like dithering in photoshop .. writing silly stories ..and reading gothic eighteenth century literature. Time consuming ..? Yes ..but hey, I’m not starving yet.