“Each person is capable of perceiving infinitely more. The universe is funneled through the reducing valve of the brain and nervous system ..what comes out at the other end is a measly trickle.” The Doors of Perception by Aldous Huxley
I began taking psychoactive substances when I was 14 years old. At first, they gave me a release from the conditioned-fear I was under (living in the custody of a brutal guardian). They made me feel euphoric ..free to fly during rock concerts or while tripping in the desert. After a while however, they started to turn on me. I began receiving a torrent of messages revealing the horror of my circumstances. I felt like a cornered rat. Next they bombarded me with messages telling me what a defective, punk-ass, shit-for-brains adolescent freak I’d become. I felt defeated. However, there was a saving grace. I noticed that these messages went away the next day and I had a choice whether to accept or reject them. I struggled. I chose to study the field of psychology. I wanted to learn more about the nature of this ‘messenger-service’. My senior thesis had to do with the neurological-basis of hallucinogens [ link ]. It helped me understand a little more about the substances I was taking during high school and how they produced the phenomena I experienced. I learned that the ‘indole alkaloids’, which make up mescaline, psilocybin and LSD, work by reducing levels of serotonin in the brain. When this happens, the barriers to sensory-input drop ..and the scope-of-interpretation widens. This accounts for the initial release I experienced ..and the subsequent dread I encountered. Flights of imagination can turn ugly given the freedom to interpret them wildly, and the latitude to plunge my ass into a nightmare abyss. But no matter how euphoric or horrifying, the flight was temporary and I began to accept just how insubstantial mental phenomena can be. I guess that’s why they tell me I’m resilient to depression now. I had an opportunity early in life to experience just what a ‘wicked messenger’ the mind can be.
