transmission

"So much of who I am is because of Dr. Seuss."

[courtesy of humansofnewyork]

Aubrey Plaza

“I'm not super comfortable in my skin. I have to make it work for me, and that usually amounts to making it uncomfortable for everyone else. I don't let myself 'surf' on the Web, or I would probably drown. I'm totally an anxious mess all the time. There's a constant dialogue going on in my brain, and it's just reminding me of all the failures that I have had, and all of the things I need to do, and all of the things I'm not doing good enough.”

Deep Creek

Deep Creek (1974) ~ We discover a self-governing community living on the creek. They never wear clothes so they’re completely tan. The women are unshaven and look particularly fierce ..like Indians. Charlie, one of the elders, tells us they have a constitution. The springs are actually located on Indian Holy Land so the first article says to treat the land with respect. He’s wearing a bandana over his hear and looks like a benign version of Charles Bronson. The second article says respect the sovereignty of others ..don’t steal ..contribute in some way and you are welcome to stay. “As you can see ..” says Charlie “..not much is hidden ..we learn to live without ‘blind spots’ ..all sentient beings are welcome ..there are places for tents downstream; we don’t use them but the campers do ..we help them find proper sites ..warn them about snakes ..tell them where they can find water ..and in return; we don’t hesitate to ask them for whatever they can afford to offer in the way of food and medicine. Over there is the ‘Canyon of Refuge’ where people can practice solitude ..or hide if necessary.”

We burn our clothes .. pour olive oil over our body ..and lie in the hot springs ..sometimes until three in the morning ..watching stars as big as baseballs ..and listening to their discussions. My notions of beauty are forever altered. The girls at my high school now seem pretty plastic looking.

One day I watch Charlie help a group of teenagers find a place to camp ..he then asks them if they have any food or medications they can spare. They hand him a little orange pill. He balances it on his forefinger while they warn him not to take it all at once ..it’s a three-way dose. When they’re finished, Charlie looks at them kindly ..then pops it into his mouth all at once saying: “it can’t kill me.” They each take a step backwards. Later that day, I watch him walking up and down the creek with his bandana on ..eyes closed ..chanting a mantra ..and banging on a canteen like it was a tambourine.

Tracey Fragments

“My name is Tracey Berkowitz. Fifteen. 

Just a normal girl who hates herself.”

ecology of sex

Serena says she needs to get out of here .. the atmosphere is too contaminated. She’s seriously considering Ojai. I’m not sure what she means .. the air and water around here are hell of a lot cleaner than other places I’ve been. “It’s not that ..” she says  “ It’s the culture. I know I can eat a lot healthier in Ojai ..and I’m tired of performing to a room full of zombies (she’s a musician). Our culture doesn’t hold nature in very high regard. Sex is considered impure. Instead of celebrating it consciously ..we behave like barbarians and drink ourselves to oblivion first. Like we’re ashamed or something. I know I was raised believing it’s unclean unless I’m living some sort of storybook romance, which is, as far as I’m concerned ..unhealthy and totally unrealistic. It’s like sex is this shameful disease that you have to save for the person you marry.”

The Gender Spectrum

Sky Ferreira

California Coast

California’s top 10 beach hotels and places to stay on a budget by Anna Stothard:  Few places are as synonymous with the beach as California, but staying on it can be expensive. So here’s our pick of 10 affordable and brilliantly located beach pads, from campsites and cabins to budget inns ~> [ X ]

Anna Stothard

An extraordinary young writer

Years               Educ / Work                    Age

                      2002             Isabel &  Rocco                   (19)
                2002 – 2006       Oxford                              (19 – 23)
                2006 – 2008       Amer Film Inst                  (23 – 25)
                2009 – 2011        Pink Hotel                       (26 – 28)
                2012 – 2013       Travel Writer                    (29 – 30)                         
                                               Guardian - Observer
                                               Sunday Telegraph
                      2013             Art of Leaving                     (30)

Susan Choi

A wild ride 

"I’d like to say I was defying [Martha’s] gravity just as often as feeling its snare ..but my efforts were more likely spent clinging on with white knuckles to not be dislodged. 15 years later I see Martha on a blog and feel transported. After 2 hours of mainlining the blog ..my pupils just slightly smaller than dimes ..my mind a blast crater ..I feel I have to go to California.” 

 Where a relationship lives 

 “..I grasped, all at once, why I was married [to Matthew]. We often sat together in a place of deliberation, where the temperature was cool and the atmosphere clear. In the past I’d thought it was a weakness, a failure of ardor. Now I see it was actually the ark where we survive .. ”

Maya’s Notebook

"An astronomer needs more poetic imagination than common sense, because the magnificent complexity of the universe cannot be measured or explained, but only intuited."

Sound of my Voice

Sound of my Voice  with Brit Marling

Somewhere in the valley, there is a woman living in a basement. She claims to be from the future and she’s amassing followers. These people believe that she will actually lead them to salvation, or whatever. The FBI say she is perpetrating a con ..stockpiling weapons and forming a militia.

Flow

"The digital world cannibalizes time, but we don't need to let it. We can choose those innovations and those moments that restore the flow of time instead of fragmenting it. We can slow down and tune in."

Orla Gartland

Grammy winner

Esalen

Day eight ~ I’m having breakfast and listening to Tania, a work-scholar from Russia, tell me about her mediation practice. She is drop-dead gorgeous ..with a hypnotic accent. I don’t remember a thing she said ..but I do remember the way she waved her hand in a circle above her head to describe how her thoughts go ‘off-track’ while she’s meditating. I believe I told her that mine do too ..but I can’t be sure. Now I' m laughing at something another work-scholar said: “ ..slap your money down ..turn your life around” referring to ‘seminarians’ (like me). Work-scholars live and work here while seminarians drop by for quickie retreats. I often hang with the work-scholars and sometimes get stoned with them. Because of my hair and overall appearance I'm often mistaken for one. So I hear where they’re coming from.

Gail from Benedict Canyon is here too. She heard this and feels insulted ..as if we’re stupid enough to believe a single visit can be a life changing experience. She’s hurt and I think she's taking things a little too personally. I try explaining how work-scholars often feel like second-class citizens ..cleaning rooms, gardening, that sort of thing, when I realize that’s not what’s bothering her. She came here looking for a date and thought she was having one with Rich (my roommate). But he left earlier this week with a much younger girl he met at the baths. She’s been sitting here chain-smoking for almost two hours.

Esalen

Workshop (Mary Goldenson) ~ Rich would have liked this one ..very intimate. According to Mary Goldenson there are several different survival strategies we adopt as children. They’re called going defensive. The work we're doing (going to the mat) brought up two issues for me: withdrawal and detachment. Kind of like PTSD ..I survived childhood by shutting down emotionally to insulate myself so I could power through the battlefield without feeling anything. As an adult I still use these defenses. Most recently to numb the shock of illness ..impairment ..job loss and divorce, which has lead me to where I am now. Here.

Continues here ~> day eight

Esalen

(Rich ducked out of here yesterday. When I got back from the bath’s last night  his stuff was gone. Perhaps he and Gail went someplace more private.) 

Workshop ~ We’ve been asked to pair up and talk about the ‘work’ we’ve been doing here. Soo’s from Singapore. She says coming to Esalen was a big shock. “In Singapore, we don’t feel nearly as free to express ourselves as people do here. We’re afraid of contradicting ourselves so we stick with the ‘facts’. My ‘work’ here has been to be more open but it’s terrifying. I’m always afraid someone will catch me in a lie.” I’m surprised to hear this .. she always looks so serene and self-assured. And I thought my work was daunting. It’s going to sound so trivial. Something about loosening up. Fortunately we run out of time and I’m spared the embarrassment. Soo says we can meet in the lodge and continue, if I want.

Continues here ~> Mary Goldenson

Esalen

Creativity workshop ~ Turns out Rich and I are in the same workshop.  however, he can see there won’t be much group therapy going on here. He bails but not before meeting Gail, an attractive divorcee from Benedict canyon. Together they go looking for another workshop. Looks to me like he’s already found what he's looking for

“Try screwing it in instead of pushing ..” the instructor tells me. I’m trying to look at an agave plant through a jeweler’s glass but it keeps popping out. She’s right ..screwing it in works. We’re supposed to view an ordinary object this way then spend 20 minutes writing about it. I have these things growing in my backyard but don’t usually pay this close attention to them. It’s shape captures the dew and channels it to the interior. Clever. It’s also rimmed with tiny diamond-shape teeth. I wonder what those are for. The bell sounds and everyone starts writing. I decide to write a verse:

rock coast flower
overlooking the sea
drinking dewdrop nectar tea.

watch out for the man-eating agave
with razor-sharp teeth, blood-soaked lips
hiding in my garden  .. licking its fingertips.

“short but sweet” the instructor says ..and now I'm wondering if I should have said more.

Continues here ~> workshop

Esalen

Day one ~ I meet my roommate Rich ..a silver-haired attorney from L.A. He’s been here for three weeks already. Part of a month-long retreat. He tells me he chooses workshops based on the amount of ‘group therapy’ they offer “..that's the best way to pick up chicks” he says. He introduces me to Judy at the lodge ..a pretty Asian from Santa Barbara. I get the feeling she was in one of his group therapy workshops. (I hear Zen master Perry’s voice reminding me to lower the volume on suppositions like that ..they interfere with reception). Returning to the present I hear Judy ask me if I wear my copper bracelet to cleanse my bioflow.

Continues here ~> workshop

Kālī

"There are many ways to calm negative energy without suppressing or fighting it. You recognize it, you smile to it, and you invite something nicer to come up and replace it; you go somewhere in nature, or you do some walking meditation.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

Tomorrow never knows

"Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream"     ~  Tomorrow never knows by John Lennon

Sweet dreams

oh well

Danielle Haim

I hurl into the moment like I'm standing at the edge / I know / That no one's gonna turn me 'round / Just one more step, I could let go / I hear the voices and they're calling for me now / I know / And nothing's gonna wake me now / Cause I'm a slave to the sound / So keep calling