Orla Gartland

Grammy winner

Esalen

Day eight ~ I’m having breakfast and listening to Tania, a work-scholar from Russia, tell me about her mediation practice. She is drop-dead gorgeous ..with a hypnotic accent. I don’t remember a thing she said ..but I do remember the way she waved her hand in a circle above her head to describe how her thoughts go ‘off-track’ while she’s meditating. I believe I told her that mine do too ..but I can’t be sure. Now I' m laughing at something another work-scholar said: “ ..slap your money down ..turn your life around” referring to ‘seminarians’ (like me). Work-scholars live and work here while seminarians drop by for quickie retreats. I often hang with the work-scholars and sometimes get stoned with them. Because of my hair and overall appearance I'm often mistaken for one. So I hear where they’re coming from.

Gail from Benedict Canyon is here too. She heard this and feels insulted ..as if we’re stupid enough to believe a single visit can be a life changing experience. She’s hurt and I think she's taking things a little too personally. I try explaining how work-scholars often feel like second-class citizens ..cleaning rooms, gardening, that sort of thing, when I realize that’s not what’s bothering her. She came here looking for a date and thought she was having one with Rich (my roommate). But he left earlier this week with a much younger girl he met at the baths. She’s been sitting here chain-smoking for almost two hours.

Esalen

Workshop (Mary Goldenson) ~ Rich would have liked this one ..very intimate. According to Mary Goldenson there are several different survival strategies we adopt as children. They’re called going defensive. The work we're doing (going to the mat) brought up two issues for me: withdrawal and detachment. Kind of like PTSD ..I survived childhood by shutting down emotionally to insulate myself so I could power through the battlefield without feeling anything. As an adult I still use these defenses. Most recently to numb the shock of illness ..impairment ..job loss and divorce, which has lead me to where I am now. Here.

Continues here ~> day eight

Esalen

(Rich ducked out of here yesterday. When I got back from the bath’s last night  his stuff was gone. Perhaps he and Gail went someplace more private.) 

Workshop ~ We’ve been asked to pair up and talk about the ‘work’ we’ve been doing here. Soo’s from Singapore. She says coming to Esalen was a big shock. “In Singapore, we don’t feel nearly as free to express ourselves as people do here. We’re afraid of contradicting ourselves so we stick with the ‘facts’. My ‘work’ here has been to be more open but it’s terrifying. I’m always afraid someone will catch me in a lie.” I’m surprised to hear this .. she always looks so serene and self-assured. And I thought my work was daunting. It’s going to sound so trivial. Something about loosening up. Fortunately we run out of time and I’m spared the embarrassment. Soo says we can meet in the lodge and continue, if I want.

Continues here ~> Mary Goldenson

Esalen

Creativity workshop ~ Turns out Rich and I are in the same workshop.  however, he can see there won’t be much group therapy going on here. He bails but not before meeting Gail, an attractive divorcee from Benedict canyon. Together they go looking for another workshop. Looks to me like he’s already found what he's looking for

“Try screwing it in instead of pushing ..” the instructor tells me. I’m trying to look at an agave plant through a jeweler’s glass but it keeps popping out. She’s right ..screwing it in works. We’re supposed to view an ordinary object this way then spend 20 minutes writing about it. I have these things growing in my backyard but don’t usually pay this close attention to them. It’s shape captures the dew and channels it to the interior. Clever. It’s also rimmed with tiny diamond-shape teeth. I wonder what those are for. The bell sounds and everyone starts writing. I decide to write a verse:

rock coast flower
overlooking the sea
drinking dewdrop nectar tea.

watch out for the man-eating agave
with razor-sharp teeth, blood-soaked lips
hiding in my garden  .. licking its fingertips.

“short but sweet” the instructor says ..and now I'm wondering if I should have said more.

Continues here ~> workshop

Esalen

Day one ~ I meet my roommate Rich ..a silver-haired attorney from L.A. He’s been here for three weeks already. Part of a month-long retreat. He tells me he chooses workshops based on the amount of ‘group therapy’ they offer “..that's the best way to pick up chicks” he says. He introduces me to Judy at the lodge ..a pretty Asian from Santa Barbara. I get the feeling she was in one of his group therapy workshops. (I hear Zen master Perry’s voice reminding me to lower the volume on suppositions like that ..they interfere with reception). Returning to the present I hear Judy ask me if I wear my copper bracelet to cleanse my bioflow.

Continues here ~> workshop

Kālī

"There are many ways to calm negative energy without suppressing or fighting it. You recognize it, you smile to it, and you invite something nicer to come up and replace it; you go somewhere in nature, or you do some walking meditation.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

Tomorrow never knows

"Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream"     ~  Tomorrow never knows by John Lennon

Sweet dreams

oh well

Danielle Haim

I hurl into the moment like I'm standing at the edge / I know / That no one's gonna turn me 'round / Just one more step, I could let go / I hear the voices and they're calling for me now / I know / And nothing's gonna wake me now / Cause I'm a slave to the sound / So keep calling

The ghosts of Calcutta

“Ghosts appear most often where ignorance and falsehood reside.” ~ from Hindu Puranas written between 3000 BC and 1500 BC

A Swami at the Vedanta Temple helps us interpret this sutra. He tells us:  “If you translate ‘ghost’ to mean ‘past life’ ..you get Ghosts appear where there is difficulty letting go of the past. When this occurs, memories come back to haunt ..and the struggle blocks the appreciation of present and possible futures. You see, blockage (clinging to the past) is ignorance.”

Ganesha

the remover of obstacles

            Oh Lord Ganesha!
            You are the Trinity: Brahma, Vishnu, and Mahesa.
            You are Indra. You are fire and air. You are the sun and the moon.
            You are Brahman. You are the three worlds earth, space, and heaven.
            You are Om. Without color, expression, or form, nor attributes to divide

hemispheres

Danielle Haim

Let me out / Let me in / I'm giving up / not giving in / I gave you everything I could give / But if you go so easily / Go on, get out, set me free

star power

Classical conditioning, the power of connection between unrelated stimuli, like the sound of a bell and the smell of food ..can activate the salivary glands. Images of celebrities can activate areas of the brain responsible for receptivity and delight ..boosting the value of the products they endorse. While working at a foundation, awarding grants to research on developmental disorders, I was tasked to determine if there was any merit to the claim that Scientology can cure dyslexia. Turns out Tom Cruise was endorsing them and diverting funds, donated by the Hollywood movie industry, away from the Foundation and toward Scientology.

a case of false resonance

Psychologists say we often blame things on the most sensational events in recent memory. Vivid as they may be ..they are often suspect. Many people believe that the police framed OJ Simpson for the murder of his wife. After he was acquitted, jury members said things like “..reminded me of how the cops pulled-over and harassed my cousin Charlie.” A high school student shoots and kills his teacher and another student ..and people say “..have you seen the computer games kids play these days?” Our neighbor’s teenage daughter is committed to a mental institution and my sister goes “..no wonder, you should have seen how OCD her mother was.” I have to agree with Psychologists ..real life is not so easy to explain. Violent computer games don’t necessarily escalate into high school shootings. A brutal cop at a traffic stop is not the same as a police conspiracy. And I don’t think there’s any evidence that strict child rearing practices cause insanity ..although my sister says the neighbor drove her crazy as well.

Danielle Haim

See I'm not afraid no more / I'm not afraid no more / To turn you away no more / Turn you away no more / To turn you away, to turn you away

Moonlight mile

Buddha teaches that the nature of life is change and that the cause of suffering is clinging to the past and not accepting change.

Joe clings to the image of the good son 

The father clings to the image of his grown daughter when she was just nine 

The mother clings to the illusion that the daughter is still alive ..unable to grasp the reality of her death. 

The lover clings to the illusion that her boyfriend, missing in action for 3 years, will walk through the door.

Each one, unable to acknowledge change ..keeps the others stuck ..until Joe publicly drops the ‘good son’ illusion ..allowing the others to let go of theirs.

Boat repair Log

Status Update
By Mckenzie Clark
12/10/13 Boat repair Log

Time on boat: 3.5 hours
Time spent thinking this might be a bad idea: 3.5 hours
Hats lost:1
Time on boat before hat lost: 2 minutes
Toenails almost lost: 1
Toenails almost lost to date: 3
Baby toe prints in blood on deck: 4
Paint spilled on deck : ¾ quart
Time spent contemplating spill: 3 seconds
Amount of deck hastly painted after spill: ¼
Amount of paint in ocean during spill: none (success!)
F-bombs: 6
Footprints in paint on deck: 2
Projects completed: 0
Projects completed to date: 3
Projects completed successfully upon first attempt: 0
Projects pending: 10,000
Time spent contemplating own competence at boat repairs: 3.5 hours
Time spent contemplating boat partner’s competence at boat repairs: 3.5 hours
Times attempting to channel successes of sailor friends: 10?
Falls into ocean: 0 (success!)
Near falls into ocean: 3
Tools dropped in ocean: 0 (success!)
Tools dropped in ocean to date: 4
Hats found after 3.5 hours: 1 (success!)
Hypotheses: this might be a bad idea

Tantra yoga

Tantra yoga has the power to enhance and sustain well being. It releases a hormone called ‘oxytocin’ ..often referred to as the “bonding hormone”. Oxytocin plays a role in the development of intimacy. Over time it serves to deepen the commitment felt between practitioners  [ Tantra Yoga ]

Growing up

Delayed adolescence: During High School, I experienced my mother’s struggle with divorce and single-parenting more than anything going on in the classroom (or school grounds). Not sure I’d call it depression ..but things sure looked awfully bleak. It felt like I was living in a cave without much light until about my senior year when my head started clearing a little ..although I hadn’t really learned much. I had begun practicing zen although I’m not sure that had anything to do with it. College is where I actually started  growing up (delayed adolescence ..?). I began to realize that things happening to me were the consequence of my own actions. More so than chance ..or the actions of others (karma ..?) I noticed when I put in the effort I succeeded more often than when I didn’t (big revelation). Now I felt like I had a lot of catching up to do ..not only in school but in my life as well. I put in long hours at the library and started getting good grades. I dated like a gentleman and started getting laid (continued ..?).

Adèle Exarchopoulos

Adèle and Léa while waiting for the technical team during the love scenes. Video ~>( x )

(Her laugh is so contagious.)

The Mexican Girl by Jack Kerouac

On the Road (1947) Jack Kerouac chronicles his brief love affair with a young Chicana migrant worker, ‘Bea Franco,’ in California’s Central Valley. It was a true story and part of the book with the most heart ..I felt   (♡)

Audio of Jack Kerouac telling the story can be heard here ~>  "The Mexican Girl"