Weekend update

I am a news junkie ~ I get my fix over coffee and breakfast ~ which is probably why I'm no longer married ~ after a night disconnected from the world at large; I wake up feeling like a vigilante ~ I need to see what’s coming over the horizon ~ like a drop in the price of a dollar ~ causing a jump in the price of gasoline ~ or an act of lunacy by the federal government ~ holding up my medz in Canada ~ once I’ve scanned the event-horizon; I settle down and become conscious of local conditions ~ like the surf report ~ or my neighbor's cat prowling the creek right now ~ I kneel down and feed the little guy ~ showing gratitude for keeping the rodent population down ~ it's a self-sustaining ecology around here ~ which is why I gave up trying to intervene years ago ~ after the deer ate whatever I tried to grow ~ causing my former neighbor ~ an ex-navy seal ~ to shoot them with a shotgun full of dimes ~ he told me not to be alarmed ~ it only hurts like hell ~ he was a heavy-drinking fucking hard-ass kind of guy ~ he'd greet me in the morning drinking vodka ~ put it down ~ climb a tree carrying a chain-saw ~ and we’d have wood for the next couple of weeks ~ last I heard, he was in South Carolina ~ running a security company or something ~ I guess I feel safe enough now to be looking back on these things ~ I take a drink from my water bottle ~ and spill most of it on my shirt ~ I try to wipe it off with the back of my hand ~ looking around to see if anyone's watching ~ when I see a dove strolling across the deck ~ oblivious to my presence ~ so I keep as still as I can wondering if it lost the ability to fly ~ when a blue jay swoops down and attacks ~ and they disappear in a furious ball of flying feathers ~ so I return to the paper ~ trying to figure out where I left off ~ when the blue jay returns and stares at me menacingly ~ as though I'm next.