Sex education

When I was about twelve, my parents put a book on the shelf titled ‘Human Sexuality’. They knew that I would read everything I could get my hands on ..so, I guess they figured I’d stumble across this soon or later. When I took it upstairs, I found out it was really a book of ‘erotica’ thinly disguised as a ‘sex-ed’ book. Very thinly. Must of slipped by my folks. I went to the section titled ‘Preventing Pregnancy’. The first chapter covered the proper use of a condom. It was an excerpt from a Mae West biography. She describes having sex with a stranger she meets in a hotel elevator. They fuck from dinner time that evening ..to way past lunch time the next day ..without sleep. They went through 31 condoms ..31. She had room service deliver them. She says it was the most incredible sex she ever had. So, what did I learn. Thirty-one orgasms was probably not what I could normally expect ..but it was possible. The next chapter, appropriately titled ‘chapter 69’ ..explained what to do if contraceptives weren’t an option. A newlywed couple couldn’t afford to have children right away ..but they were catholic and contraceptives weren't allowed. They try abstinence but the husband is going crazy ..dry humping every piece of furniture in the apartment. After a couple glasses of wine one night he tries putting it in her ass while she’s bending over to pick something up off the bedroom floor ..she goes ballistic ..screaming incoherently ..he winds up sleeping on the couch for a week ..and now has to give up alcohol as well. The wife confides their situation to a female co-worker ..who gives her a French book on the delicacies of oral sex. Liberation!!! (This was before the American sexual revolution). Now they’re eating each other with wild abandon ..on every surface ..in every room ..on the table ..under the table ..licking wine off of each other ..calling in sick ..and ordering Chinese a lot. What did I learn from this. Anal sex was like being reamed with a hot poker ..and can lead to insanity ..(?) but more importantly ..I needed to learn as much as possible about oral sex.

Olympic spirit

Jim came over today and so we watched the Olympics together. I was really blown away by women’s figure skating ..it was inspiring ..they nailed the ‘compulsories’ with abandon ..like they had no fear. I remarked how ‘Zen-like’ it all seemed. “What are you talking about..?” Jim asked. “Well, they all seem to be skating in the moment." “Bill, what you’re saying has nothing to do with Olympic competition ..it’s all about conditioning ..physical conditioning.” “You don’t think there’s a mental side to it ..?” “Well, yeah ..their routines are committed to memory ..but that’s what conditioning is all about.” “Then why do skaters sometimes skate way beyond their level of training ..?” “They have a good day, they take chances and get lucky ..who knows.” “I’ll tell you why ..‘inspiration’ ..it’s not something they do ..it’s something they tap into ..like Zen.” “Bill, this is the Olympics ..not new age philosophy. You know what’s really destroying the Olympics these days .. snowboarding ..ever since they got into it ..competition has gotten shabby ..the Olympics are definitely not what they used to be.” “Oh yeah ..? What’s wrong with snowboarding ..?” "Their hair is too long ..their clothes are too baggy ..and they talk like they’re from Huntington Beach ..you know ..down by the wharf. This one guy was wearing an IPod during competition the other day ..for chrissake.”

Jim is generally a progressive thinker ..but there are some traditions he doesn't like to see messed with .. the Kentucky Derby ..and the Olympics. As for me, I love snowboarding events ..particularly because of their hair ..the baggy clothes they wear ..and the way they talk. I think half-pipe is awesome.

Olympic fringe

I usually don’t watch TV ..not even the Olympic games ..unless something compelling draws me to them ..like a human survival story ..someone who had to overcome more than the usual amount of adversity to get there ..during the last winter Olympics it was alpine skier Janica Kostelic ..who had to practice in Croatia during wartime ..which meant driving from mountain to mountain and sleeping in her car to avoid getting hit by bombs. Ski lifts weren’t operating ..so she got her exercise climbing back up the slope after each downhill run. She won 2 medals that year ..a gold and a silver ..she’s already won gold this year. Definitely certifiable. Now I’m intrigued by women’s freestyle skier Alisa Camplin (pictured) ..she’s had more injuries than a football player ..more concussions than a quarterback. If she were a football player ..her career would have been over a long time ago. Last October she blew out her knee for the 2nd time in like as many years ..only this time it wasn't likely to hold up for the winter games. To accelerate the recovery process, doctors rebuilt her knee in a way you won’t find in medical journals. “I’m a bit of a walking research project” she says. She’s competing tomorrow in the aerial events .. a mixture of downhill skiing and acrobatics ..catching big air and doing quadruple twisting turning double somersaults ..things like that. Oh, and they say she's not a very good skier. She didn't learn until she was 19. She must be an incredible acrobat then. I’m definitely not going to miss this.

Stream of consciousness

I am getting ready to go for a hike ..and I already feel tired ..feels like I’m putting on a space suit ..I got the thermal layer on ..middle layer ..and outer shell. I go downstairs ..and into the entry hall ..everything is spinning. I step out on the porch ..lace up my boots ..seal the hatch ..and start walking. I feel the ground beneath my feet ..but my head is somewhere else. I read once that Timothy Leary had a Swami to help keep him grounded. I don’t have a Swami ..just a trail ..and I don’t know where I’m going ..just following the flow ..the trail switches back and forth ..and I’m going slow ..my feet start to sink down and spring up as I go ..a thick cushion of leaves covers the ground ..feels like I’m walking on the moon ..makes me laugh ..when that’s not enough ..I howl ..this is a woodsy area ..howling is allowed .. I go over a bridge ..above a dry creek bed ..I slide down and sit on the edge ..next to a willow tree ..and tell myself to pay attention ..birds are playing here ..they fly by in pairs ..rustling the leaves around me ..delicate flowers grow between heavy stones ..reminds me of something Lao Tsu once said: “what's softest in the world ..drives what’s hardest” ..and I think about the water that wore down these boulders ..and how something as delicate as thought can overcome obstacles.

Mystical experience

All religions are based on ‘mystical experience’ ..that's their narrative ..science can’t weigh the evidence of mystical experience ..it’s out of scope. I like the story of Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon church ..he had a ‘mystical vision’ where an angel appears and shows him where a set of golden plates are buried ..then God gave him a pair of ‘mystical glasses’ and ‘seer stones’ so he could read Egyptian and translate these plates into the ‘Book of Mormon’.. which is a modern day testament to the life of Jesus. Now, I’m not advocating the teachings of the Mormon church or anything ..but what I am trying to say is that nobody else can certify or deny the visions of Joseph Smith. They’re his ‘intellectual property’ ..as well as the ‘collective narrative’ of the Mormon community. In a way, they're no different than any new scientific theory in the stacks. Any objective scientist would agree with me ..for every scientific theory there are countless ‘alternative hypotheses’ ..each one just as worthy of exploration as the next. Scientists accept this as part of their investigation ..they know that they are just chipping away ..a long way away from what’s really going on. Scientific theories are also narratives ..they help explain empirical data.

Politics of experience

The second rule of exploration is to recognize that everyone has sovereignty over his or her own consciousness. De-commission the ‘mind police’ ..no one can enter or change your consciousness uninvited ..and no one can prevent you from entering and changing it yourself for that matter. I believe that we have the right to chose the narratives we live by. The mind is a story making device ..that’s it’s nature ..and we are the owners and editors of the narratives it creates.

Exploring

My first rule of exploration is to have respect for the ‘visions’ of others ..the most valuable information I ever got came from other people. I believe that each one of us is a storehouse of ‘unlimited realities.’ Our thoughts and memories are the most apparent ..but there are others ..the ‘extra-ordinary’ states of consciousness reported by mystics from both western and eastern cultures. So ..my first rule of exploration: the visions of one person are just as valid as the visions of any one else. Who’s to say that the visions of Buddha were any different than those of Jesus ..Lao Tsu ..Socrates ..or Krishna. I like to begin exploring with an open mind.

Night sky

It’s another extraordinary night ..there's a confluence of warm air, full moon and offshore flow ..giving everything a celestial glow ..the sky looks ultraviolet and indigo ..my deck is illuminated by the moonlight ..the night sky is alive and vibrant ..sending waves of energy to anyone who’s in tune (i.e. stoned) ..this is no ordinary night ..no downstream beer ..no low-grade shake ..and no time for pedestrian music ..I put on Grateful Dead, Country Joe ..60’s lunatics ..and turn them up real loud. I go out on the deck ..shout the words to every song ..and dance in the moonlight ..feeling like I’m at the Fillmore west. Thank you night sky ..whoever you are ..and my condolences to anyone within hearing range of this crazy noise.

Cardinal Zin

I am holding a glass of dark red Zinfandel ..cupping it in my hand like a woman’s breast ..swirling it around and around ..holding it up ..and watching it slide back down ..now, I know that’s supposed to tell me something ..but I forget what ..I take a sip ..and let the liquor roll down my tongue ..inhaling the vapor as it comes ..ahhhhhhhh, like licorice and berries ..with a shot of California sunshine ..a drop of evaporated Pacific Ocean ..a light onshore breeze ..cleansing the palate of my mind in the waters of {{WILLIAM LEE!!!!}} Uhhh ..yea? You’re not paying attention again ..are you ? *sheepish grin* Yeshh ma’am, ah certainly am ..jus makin’ shure dat d’ish fine glasshh of whine dudn’t sh’lip outta’ ma hand.

Sunshine

I wake up this morning feeling great ..I throw the curtains open and sing: “Good day sunshine” over and over again ..louder and louder each time ..wondering what’s going to happen today ..whatever it is ..I can’t wait ..I go downstairs ..have some yogurt, strawberries and coffee ..then go outside to read and clear my head. As soon as I sit down, a chainsaw goes off ..sounding like a band of screaming banshees –whhhiiiirrrrrrrrr crrrrrruuuunchhhh crrrrrruuuunchhhh ..my teeth rattle ..my head shakes ..I can’t hear myself think ..how rude ..I fume ..I scream but I can’t hear myself ..how are they going to ..ok ok, lighten up ..it’ll pass ..whhhirrrrrrrr crrrrrruuuunchhhh crrrrrruuuunchhhh neeeyoww hhhisss ~quiet~ then, Rick. Rick Rick ..whataya doin ..Rick Rick Rick ..whadaya doin ..Rick Rick Rick!!! Reply: Haven’t ya ever seen a lumberjack before buddy ? ..brummm brummm {{Chainsaw noise}} nnneeyowww hhhisss ~quiet~ Rick Rick Rick ..cut this one down ..Rick Rick Rick ..cut that one down ..Rick Rick Rick ..what about the one with the owl in it ..Rick Rick Rick ..cut it down ..cut it down ..I wanna see it! I wannna see it! ..Rick Rick Rick !!! Reply: Buddy, you know I can’t do that ..now go over there and sit down ..brummm brummm {{Chainsaw noise}} nnneeyowww hhhisss ~quiet~ Rick Rick Rick! Yea buddy ? Build me a birdhouse ..Rick Rick Rick ..I wanna a tree house ..Rick Rick Rick ..can we get in the car now ..Rick Rick Rick ..can I try that ..Rick Rick Rick ..cut her head off ..Rick Rick Rick!!! You know, I don’t think I’m going to complain about that chainsaw noise anymore.

Synesthesia

At a graduate seminar many years ago, a fellow student named David Stoltenberg proposed a theory that said that the simple act of reading is a “cross-sensory” event in the brain ..he even had a name for it ..“sensory synesthesia” ..which he described as “perceiving the sound of a color ..or the light of a sigh.” He was giving a multi-media presentation to demonstrate this idea ..but it didn’t turn out the way he planned ..the projectors malfunctioned ..the main point got lost ..and what I was able to get out of it left me feeling unconvinced ..it sounded too much like science fiction. When I think back, I realize I owe Dave a big apology ..and a pound of red Lebanese ..he was right ..you have to be able to “hear” what you “see” in order “understand” what you “read” ..because reading is such a recent invention – it’s only been around for 6,000 years – it never got a chance to really establish a place of it’s own in the brain ..unlike speech recognition which has evolved it’s own specialized center. Consequently, the written word has to be translated into the way it sounds first ..and then transfered to the speech recognition center in order to get the meaning ..because, in memory, word meaning is stored by the way it sounds ..not by the way it looks. That’s the reason why we teach dyslexics how to read by exercising their auditory system.

Feeling free

Jen and Sara from Journey of Healing <~ Click

Darkeness at daybreak

I wake up feeling run down ..don’t know what’s up ..I drink some coffee ..eat some strawberries ..and sit outside to clear my mind ..images of Madonna appear ..flashbacks from the Grammy awards last night ..I also hear Bruce Springsteen singing: “once I had a job ~ once I had a girl” and then fades away ..I look across the deck and see sunlight coming through the eucalyptus trees ..a dry creek bed ..further up I hear the sound of banjoes, bluegrass and broken glass ..coming from an old abandoned Appalachia-looking cabin. No, wait ..those were auditory hallucinations ..not to worry ..they’ll pass. I remember hearing someone at the Zen center say that enlightenment gives you the power to “transcend all four elements and overcome obstructions”. I could sure use a case of that right now.

from my decktop
I see how brutal nature can be
to a butterfly on a leaf,
the hummingbird zipping by is a savage beast.

Relevancy theory

I think Google is starting to run into trouble. It’s showing me a lot more ‘barely relevant’ web sites than it used to. Google grew on the strength of it’s ability to return the most relevant sites first. They followed a ‘democratic’ process where they figured the most ‘popular’ websites were the ones we wanted to see. They measured ‘popularity’ by counting the number of ‘incoming links’. The more people linked to a site ..the more popular the site must be. That worked well when most websites were ‘content specific’. Now we’ve turned a corner where blogs and online communities, like ‘myspace.com’, are becoming more popular than sites dedicated to specific topics. For instance, a blog may contain only one reference to ‘Willie Nelson’ ..however, because it’s the most popular blog on the block ..with many community members linked to it ..you may see it ..in addition to others like it ..before you ever get to the Willie Nelson website itself. Add to that the growth in the number of blogs and online communities and you may never get to see the real story behind Willie ..only a few personal opinions about him.

Peripheral vision

There’s not much blacktop left in LA ..and if you go there you might have to kill someone ~ you're better off letting the leader of the pack go down in a fiery freeway crash ~ it’s their nature. In India, elephants are trampling villages ..as well as the villagers ..some people say it’s because the villagers are encroaching ~ others say they’re being punished ..I think it’s like roller derby on the streets wherever you go ..it’s our nature. Researchers are finding trace amounts of prescription drugs in the water supply ..it's turning fish into hermaphrodites ..I wonder if I can beat the high cost of medz by switching to tap water ..some people tell me I’m prone to distraction and scatter-brained ..what was it that my friend Brad used to say ..I’ve got ‘scat-for-brains’ ..anyway, I try not to follow the same old circuitry ..that’s such a narrow focus ..besides, there’s a lot more to see out here on the periphery.

Inner life of plants

I’m trying for a tropical-look inside my study ..that means a lot of pine wood and green leaves. There’s a kinte palm next to my desk that I’m particularly fond of ..it’s doing so well that when people come by ..they ask me if it’s real. I hauled it outside yesterday to drench-water and feed it some palm food. This evening I was admiring it again ..when I discovered little round white dots on the leaves. OMG ..what are those? I don’t think I can just leave them there ~ flash ~ out of nowhere the word ‘aphid’ comes to mind ~ flash ~ I’m listening to someone, back in 1983, tell me that kinte palms are prone to something-or-other that sucks the life out of them ..dilute dish soap in water ..spray each leaf ..then wipe it off with a soft cloth. OK, I tell myself ..don't panic ..I have no idea what aphids are ..I don’t know if these are what he was talking about ..I’m not even sure if this conversation took place ..or whether he ever existed ..but I follow his instructions implicitly ..I put a trace amount of dish soap in a sprayer full of water ..spray it on my hand until all the suds are gone ..then spray each leaf ..and wipe them down ..still not knowing if this is going to work ..or if I was only making matters worse. Later on my sister ..my gardener ..and the panhandler down the street ..tell me that those were indeed aphids and I did exactly the right thing. It’ll be a couple of days before I know whether or not I succeeded ..but I thank whoever is in my head for telling me what to do.

Musical note

My neighbor Dez says he heard me outside last night ..singing. God, I’m such a terrible singer. I told him how sorry I was ..and said he could tell me to shut-up and it wouldn’t hurt my feelings. He says: “Oh, no no no no ..not a problem! I like to hear people sing ..makes them sound happy.” So, we chatted about music for a while. He’s a singer in a goth-rock band ..but says he prefers listening to songs by Tom Waits and Johnny Cash. I asked if that meant he likes people who sing in a ‘baritone voice’. “Ummm, well ..not only that ..I like people who sing in a ‘sonorous voice’ ” he says. OK ..(?) He goes on to tell me that that’s the reason he also likes Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson. I think I got it. I tell myself ..now here’s someone I can really learn from. But, what do I do instead ..I wrack my puny brain trying to come up with something I can tell him about music. I decide to explain my theory about how the Rolling Stones became popular. They were one of the first rock bands to introduce Moroccan and Mid Eastern rhythm to their music ..things like sitars and dulcimers. Made them sound ‘dark and intriguing’. You can really hear it in songs like ‘Paint it black’ and ‘Sympathy for the devil’ ..but not in ‘Satisfaction’ ..and you don’t hear it at all after Brian Jones died in 1969. I think he was their musical genius ..and blah blah blah. Dez stood there listening ..and nodding his head. “Interesting” ..he said. I went inside and thought ..what is the matter with me ..like I have something to tell him about music ..geeesh. I laugh it off and go in the garage to put my gardening tools away when something more frightening occurs to me ..I don’t remember singing last night.

At the movies

I just finished reading ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’ ..it’s a wonderful story ..beautifully told. Now I want to go see the movie before the moment passes ..and I forget about it ..and it stops playing at the local theater ..which will be at 4:30 this afternoon ..I rush downtown wondering whether I should have purchased my ticket online ..I get to the theater and there’s hardly anyone there ..no lines ..very cool ..reminds me that I don't live in LA anymore. I climb the stairs because it’s ‘stadium seating’ ..which is also very cool because I know this is going to be a real treat for my senses ..what did Anastasia call it .. ‘eye candy’ ..well, if it’s anything like the images in my head ..I can’t wait. And I wasn’t disappointed. At first, it seemed like the movie was going in fast motion ..until I realized it wasn’t the movie ..it was me ..I was rushing it. Since the book was still fresh in my mind ..I kept anticipating the next scene ..instead of enjoying the one in front of me ..I made a conscious effort to stop doing this ..and managed to slow it down enough to take pleasure in how beautifully they recreated life in pre-war Japan ~ the floating worlds of Kyoto ~ the teahouses ~ the gardens ~ the cherry blossoms ~ the squishy things ~ the way geishas walk ~ stepping stones across a pond ~ dancing to the shamisen ~ rickshaws winding through narrow streets and outdoor markets ~ the smell of fish ~ glowing lanterns ~ tile roofs ~ flowing colors and textures of kimonos ~ white faces ~ ambition ~ treachery and intrigue ~ elegance and trash. I’d go see it again in a flash.

State of the union

Generally, I thought the state of the union address was OK ..then again, I wasn’t expecting much. At one point I thought someone else was speaking ..or they handed him a revision. First, Bush champions scientific research ..especially in the area of alternative energy. Now that’s very commendable ..surprising ..but commendable. However, he then goes on to demonize biotech as though anyone who practices this profession is a godless, flesh-eating pariah. He calls for legislation to make sure that this type of pond scum doesn’t start buying and selling genetic mutations on the open market. I wonder what’s going to happen to the value of biotech stocks. Probably nothing ..investors don’t pay much attention to this type of speech. As inconsequential as it may be ..I wish he wouldn't talk so much about things he doesn’t understand. I trust doctors a lot more than I do politicians.

Social atmosphere

I’m sitting on the deck watching clouds pass by ..enjoying fresh morning air ..Don comes by and says hi ..he’s out collecting firewood ..I go for a walk and end up in the drum and dance circle at the park ..I take a break and sit down with Joan and Brian to enjoy some local ‘buds’ ~flash~ Joan and Brian are gone and I’m talking with a young lady I just met named Julie ..she asks me if I have any problems with ‘disclosure’ .. ‘all depends’ I say ..she tells me to let her know ..and I say OK ..she asks me if I’m Monika’s boyfriend ..I say no, and tell her I don’t know who Monika is ..she tells me that Kevin is Lynn’s boyfriend ..Mark wants her (Julie) to be his girlfriend ..but maybe she should be Josh’s girlfriend instead ..who do you want to be boyfriends with? ..or are you already Kimberley’s boyfriend ..I forget ..who are you again? ~flash~ I’m walking home singing a tune from the 60’s ..Mr. Tambourine Man.

Reading behavior

Reading is a process of activating ‘propositions’ in the networks of your mind ..at least that’s what modern-day reading theory says. Some of the propositions are pointed-to directly by the words on the page (text-based) ..others are not (network-based). The propositions not directly stated are arrived at through a collaboration between the reader and writer. They are ‘suggested’ by the writer ..and ‘inferred’ by the reader. Both text-based and network-based propositions are necessary to complete the underlying message. Right now I’m reading ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’ by Arthur Golden. Although he doesn’t directly mention the proposition ‘suffering stoically’ ..it kind of emerges when I read about the geisha Mameha-san ..whose beautiful young apprentice is being pursued by her own patrons now.

Looking for searchers

The U.S. Justice department is serving search engine providers with subpoenas to obtain user search records. So far, Yahoo and Microsoft have complied ..Google refuses. Government officials say they are only interested in detecting Internet ‘trends’ ..like what are the most frequently searched sites for Britney Spears ..or porn. If this is the case, they should be ‘contracting’ with Google for this type of information rather than serving them with ‘subpoenas’. That’s the way business is usually done between the U.S. government and private companies ..like Gallup for instance ..when they want demographic information. This would allow the search engine companies to provide the ‘trend’ information they are looking for without giving them the raw ‘query’ data that would violate privacy. It sounds to me like the Justice department is overstepping it’s bounds when they claim that the ‘Patriot Act’ entitles them to private industry records of this magnitude ..without an ongoing criminal investigation.

Deceptive advertising

I eat oatmeal fairly often ..the kind you get from the bins at the store. They’re called rolled oats and they taste ‘heartier’ than the ones you get in a box from Quaker Oats. However, I began to wonder if I was missing the health benefits of oatmeal because I wasn't eating the Quaker Oats brand. I checked the box and the contents were the same ..Quaker doesn’t add anything special. I wasn’t sure where these doubts were coming from ..until I listened closely to the Quaker Oats commercial on TV. Here’s what they say: “Doctors have proven that oatmeal reduces cholesterol ..and there’s no oatmeal like Quaker Oats ..remember, the one you grew up with as a child.” ~ Now, they don’t come right out and say that Quaker Oats is the only brand proven to reduce cholesterol ..but they sure enough imply it ..and that’s what I remembered.

Intelligent behavior

I believe there could be more dimensions in space than we ordinarily see ..in addition to hundreds ..perhaps thousands of universes ..that's a lot of space for a ‘creator’ to occupy. I don’t think scientists claim to know where people came from ..however, when they see phenomena occuring regularly enough in nature ..they feel compelled to document and investigate. Intelligent design doesn’t warrant this kind of attention because it is based on a classic fallacy in science called ‘anthropomorphism’. This means assigning our own characteristics to forces we don’t understand ..and intelligence is one of those characteristics. Given that there is so much we don’t know ..explaining it in terms of our own limited notion of ‘intelligence’ seems awfully egocentric ..like believing that the sun and planets revolve around the earth. In fact, we have a better understanding of how a star is born than how intelligent thought is formed.

Deck of cards

I stumble out of the bathroom and into the kitchen ..crashing into walls ..I have my morning bowl of yogurt and cereal ..and rush to the deck ..I get the patio furniture out because it rained yesterday ..and manage to crash on top of it ..the umbrella cushions my fall ..I sit down with my coffee, laptop and the morning newspaper and start to read when a northwesterly squall comes hurling down the canyon ..blowing away anything that’s not tied down ..the umbrella and chairs collapse like a house of cards ..I grab the laptop ..fall backwards into a planter ..curse the demons that are out to get me ..and quickly go inside before they take another whack at me.