Backpfeifengesicht

Backpfeifengesicht

(pronounced Back fifen gesiest)

 German word for "face you want to punch"

Trump Towers

Donald Trump sounds awfully mean-spirited to me. A lot of people I know are pissed and identify with him though. They are generally hard-working people who barely make a middle-class living. They have a chip on their shoulder for those they consider responsible: educated people, immigrants and government. That makes them mean-spirited too. They identify government as the problem and believe bigger government is the solution, which hardly sounds Republican to me. However, Trump echoes these sentiments by promising higher walls and sweeping laws. He is an empire-builder with an autocratic leadership style. I’m reminded that corporations are not democracies ... they're managed more like dictatorships, which brings to mind martial law and re-education camps ... which are designed to make me behave more like a loyal employee.

The scoundrel

For the record, I’m not proud of my behavior in college. Figuring I wasn’t going to get by on looks alone ... I needed another way to mask my edginess and appear sincere. Stories of past adventures both captivated and added a vicarious boost of adrenaline in my unsuspecting prey, which diverted their attention away from my need for adventure elsewhere. Tales of crossing Baja in a dune buggy and surfing Spider Bay were good (and true). I once told an innocent young debutante about my fool-proof plan to smuggle cocaine from South America aboard a sailboat (a complete fabrication). Shocked the shit out of her …but she was intrigued. I later got her to shoplift, dine-and-dash plus switch theaters at the mall during dates … things that were totally out-of-character for her. Like I said, I am not proud. Horsepower was also good for spiking adrenaline (and providing me with a fast getaway). I had an Alfa Romeo that I kept in immaculate condition. White-knuckle rides through Laguna Canyon or Big Sur tended to suppress discussion and release inhibitions. Then lastly there was the fear of abandonment (or the loss of living vicariously) which was a good motivator. Kept ladies hooked and in-line. Back me in a corner and I’m gone.

I am Brahman

Lali Shyama 

‘I am Brahman!’ (aham brahmasmi)  

Advaita Vedanta: Lali Shyama, looking past individual identity (Kali) and aspiring to identify with the true Self, Atman that is indivisible from a higher Reality, Brahman. The declaration ‘I am Brahman!’ (aham brahmasmi) is a testament to this. Advaita Vedanta (Sanskrit; not-two, "no second") refers to the nonduality of Atman and Brahman. Followers seek liberation/release by acquiring vidyā (knowledge) of the identity of Atman and Brahman. It follows Jivanmukta, the idea that moksha (freedom, liberation) is achievable in this life.

Acting class girl

I mostly date girls I already know.  Usually colleagues or classmates.  My second year of grad school I made my first 'cold call'. She was walking ahead of me on her way to class. I was intrigued by the way she looked from behind so I slowed down to keep from overtaking her. She looked kinda' like a hippy – wearing a white halter top, sandals and faded jeans. She fit her jeans like a glove. I sped up to see if she was what I imagined from the front. Only more so, which compelled me to ask:

“Where are you heading?”
Her:  “English lit”

I was studying language ability so I thought English may be a common interest – as well as an opening line.

Me: “Interesting! I like language. Could we perhaps get together and speak English sometime?” (lame, I know, but I didn’t have much time)
Her: "Uh, OK ..”

At dinner I discover that her real passion is acting and she’s an understudy in the play ‘As You Like It’. I abandon my plans to talk about ‘English as a second language’ and ask her to tell me more about the play. She talks excitedly about the lead actress – how charismatic she is – about how she plays both a man and a women and pulls it off. Then she slows way down and, almost as a boring afterthought, asks about my thesis.

Me: “Uh, it’s about how people make inferences to understand speech (..?)”
Her: “What does that mean?”

Instead of giving her an academic spiel – I go:

“You know how when you’re acting ...you don’t spell everything out You kinda' let the audience tell the story?"

Her: “Yeah ..?”
Me: “I study how they do that.”

For the first time I see a light go on and her eyes open wide with interest.

“That’s exactly what they’re teaching us in acting class.”

I Suddenly went from long-hair surfer dude Jeff Spicoli to Professor-dude. She’s looking at me almost admiringly. I learn a little about Shakespeare, her prior marriage and how English is really a back-up plan. Then she tells me she’s kinda’ crushing on someone in the Drama Dept.

Me: “Would that be the lead actress by any chance?” (risky, I know ...but it’s the only person she’s talked about so far).
Her: “Uh, yeah ..how did you know?”
Me: “I dunno’ ...inference I suppose ..(?)” (I'm feeling  full of myself. I can handle a date with a total stranger. But the obvious question is: why did she agree to go out with me?)
Her: “I dunno ..I felt uncomfortable with you following me like that ...maybe it was a relief to just  get it over with (?)”

Brie Larson

Dori

My self-confidence was already shaky when I entered grad school. My girlfriend just broke up with me and now graduate school was looking scarier than expected. My first seminar was a round-table discussion on learning theory. At the first meeting I was given a topic, a partner and a week to prepare a lecture. The topic was artificial intelligence, something I knew absolutely nothing about. Neither did my partner Dori, a cute little blond just out of UC Santa Cruz. Our first study session became kind of a ‘date’. We were sitting in her living room when she goes: “I’m bored”, immediately slips out of a one-piece summer dress and puts on a bathing suit with me sitting there trying to act like nothing out of the ordinary is going on. We headed for the beach.

The following week I didn't know any more about artificial intelligence than before …and Dori elected me to be the presenter. I was terrified. I mention this to Nelson the day before and discover he’d been a cryptologist in the service (he looked like a hippie now). He proceeded to draw a flowchart showing me how a computer mimics trial-and-error learning. I replicated the flowchart on the board the next day and discovered how much smarter everyone else was than me. They launched into a forty-five minute discussion and I learned something about artificial intelligence. I still felt kinda' stupid though.

Meanwhile my dates with Dori were getting weird. When things got intimate she’d freeze, sit up straight and throw me out. I took it personally, wondering if she saw through me to my confidence deficiency. I decided to take a break. Two weeks later she calls and invites me to dinner at her parent’s house …and I spend the evening listening to a lively conversation between her and her father. I wasn't included and whenever her mother tried to say something ...Dori would go: “Mom! You’re such a moron” and tell her to shut-up. It was uncomfortable and afterwards I decided to re-commit to taking a break.

Two weeks later she calls and asks me if I’d come over and spend the night, platonic- like  …she  didn’t want to be alone. In the meantime I'd been seeing Dr. Russell, a University Psychologist, about my lost confidence. He gives me an intelligence test showing that I’m no dumber that anyone else around here. Then he asks how things are going outside school. “Kinda’ weird” I say and tell him the 'Dori story'. He laughs and goes: “I think she has father-issues.” I shudder and go: “No way ...that's not a real thing ...is it?” He tells me it’s more common than people think … he laughs again and goes: “He probably woke up one morning to find her sucking his dick.” I walked away realizing what Dr. Russell was trying to tell me ...stop making everything about me!

Then came the morning Dori’s father shows up at 5:00 am. I hear her scream: “What are you doing here?” He says he came to see his little girl. “Get out!” she shouted. She prepares coffee and asks me to walk with her to a nearby elementary school where she works. We walk in silence. I never saw Dori after that. She dropped the seminar and didn’t return my calls. Her roommate told me she'd moved out. I hope I played a small role helping her more on. I learned more in four weeks of graduate school than four years of undergraduate study …and I hadn't opened a book yet.

Dori Barnett Ed.D (2011)

Brie Larson

She took a big risk a few years ago when she announced she wouldn’t be doing anymore ‘pretty blond’ roles even though they’d worked so well for her in the past (Scott Pilgrim, United States of Tara). Instead she did ‘Short Term 12’ as a plain non-blond. I thought it was a breakout performance in an outstanding film. She continued to play plain non-blonds in films like ‘The Gambler’ and ‘Digging for Fire’. I think her performance in ‘Room’ has the depth and fortitude I saw in ‘Short Term 12’. It won her a Golden Globe. She’s nominated for an Oscar. Whether she wins or not I believe she's one of the finest actors of her generation.

Living in the Past

Change underlies nature. Rainstorms don’t last forever, they pass and leave room for a new cycle of growth to begin. Not so with man-made products. They may pass from view but they never go away. Waste products often don’t breakdown ..they become part of the landscape ..entering landfills, the food chain and water supply. What defies nature becomes toxic. The same with information. Digital records never go away. They follow us around. Without change, information becomes stagnant and obsolete. In the brain, rumination creates like whirlpools where information circles but is not allowed to escape. When this happens we become stuck and live in a time that doesn’t exist anymore.

New sensation

I grew up in the low-tech era where you got most of your dating advice from Penthouse forum or pop songs. One song went like this: “ .. if you love her .. you must take her .. somewhere where she’s never been before.” I found it most valuable. Take-out food on a picnic table at Mount Saint Mary’s in Palos Verdes offers a panoramic view of the Pacific Ocean from what looks like farmland. Good dinner date. Who hasn’t seen the inside of a restaurant before? Thousand Steps in Laguna was like no other beach in Southern California. You could walk through a cave, float in Grecian-like pools carved out of stone then dive off a low cliff and take a short swim into a secluded cove. Not for the faint of heart but definitely more exciting than sunbathing. The reservoir in the Hollywood hills is a rarely seen oasis above Los Angeles. I once had a date tell me she felt high just being there. Another told me she was dreading the traffic going back. It was lost on her. One time a girl started undressing me at a rooftop dance club in Long Beach. It was our first date. A new experience beats a fancy restaurant anytime. It alters the senses and shifts your perspective, which can even put someone like me in a better light.

Intelligentsia Coffee

Thank you Intelligentsia Coffee & Tea for keeping us stocked up on the road, but if one of us has a heart attack we blame you.

Posted by Meg Myers on Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Tracks

with Mia Wasikowska

Apocalypse Later

Jennifer Lynn Barnes

Jennifer Lynn Barnes (born 1984 – present age 31) graduated high school in 2002, and from Yale University with a degree in cognitive science  in May of 2006. She was awarded a Fulbright to do post-graduate work at Cambridge (autism), and then returned to the states, where she completed her PhD. in developmental psychology.  She's currently Professor of Psychology at the University of Oklahoma specializing in the cognitive science of fiction and storytelling.

 Cognitive Science of Fiction

Orphan Black Wrap

aubrey plaza

“I realized two things from an early age – I was insane and had some kind of comedic thing going on. My brain was wired to think about things in terms of how funny they were.”  - Aubrey Plaza

Kristen Stewart

“You know, uhm... When my mom and dad were first getting divorced, I would always pretend not to hear my dad call up to me to say good-bye. 'Cause I always thought he'd stay longer. If he couldn't actually say it to me, you know? Maybe it's like that for you. Bye.” ~ Kristen Stewart as Sammy Jennings in Safety of Objects

Brit Marling for President

Qualifications:
Degree in Economics, Georgetown University, Valedictorian.
Investment analyst (Goldman Sachs), Film maker, Producer, Screenwriter and Actor specializing in science-based films and documentaries. Successfully overcame gender stereotypes by writing her own roles in  complex and thought-provoking films. Proven ability to handle complex situations with deliberation and effectiveness.

Zooey Deschanel

Could Have Been Your Girl (x)

Orla Gartland

aubrey plaza

April threatens an intern ~>[ x ]

“Ben told you to finish the web site and if you don’t do it I swear to God I’m going to murder you in your sleep. I know where you live ..14th street, right? I’m going to get a melon-baller and scoop your eyes out and eat them. And your congressman uncle’s going to have to buy you a dog to drive your eye-less face around. Do you understand me ..?”

phonic memory

Deaf Jazz Vocalist Mandy Harvey

Meg Myers

Meg Myers 2014 Lollapalooza Full Set ( x )

Brie

Felicity jones