New Year

The Recency Effect

The Recency Effect is a fallacy that occurs when we think something is conclusive only because it's consistent with recent events. I suppose you could call it drawing the most obvious conclusion. However, there's usually more going on in the world than what recent events would suggest. North Korea was blamed for the cyber-attack on Sony last November because they'd just been the topic of a derogatory film and they had committed similar attacks in the  past. So, who else could it be, right? Cyber-security experts found it was more likely a former employee with a grudge.  Only by then, media reports had already blamed North Korea. This fallacy is so persistent that President Obama is still convinced that North Korea was behind the attack. He has pledged a full "proportional" response.

saorise

Body surfing

Ducking out underneath a breaking swell

the gag reel

I know memory isn't a passive record of events.  It's more like a re-construction. When this happens, I consistently get the order of things wrong.  I often confuse what happened at one time for something that happened at another time.  Last night I was watching a gag reel from season five of Parks and Recreation. In an early scene, Andy asks his young wife April if she's pregnant. April responds saying: "Nooo, we've talked about this ..and what do I always tell you? I wanna' wait till we're 50 and adopt creepy adult twins from Armenia ..!"  In another scene, Andy and April are giving Ben advice for a successful marriage. When Andy asks April what other thing she's always telling him, April replies: "Um, don't take it out till I scream!" Now, at the end of the reel, what do I remember?  In the first scene where they talk about having children ..I remember April saying: "Nooo, we've talked about this ..and what do I always tell you? 'Don't take it out till I scream'!" I put the dialogue from the other scene  here. It wasn't until I replayed the gag reel that I realized my mistake. Although my recollection didn't follow the actual order of events ..it still made sense and even retained some of it's humor.  Perhaps we remember pragmatic-sense better than chronological order.

http://aubreyplaza-aprilludgate.tumblr.com/post/113827953543

Helena

"Helena? Did you burn down the fish people's ranch?"

"No .."

..and I believe her

Affirmative Consent

In response to 'Affirmative Consent'  by Dr. Paul R. Abramson (x)

"..a person's approach to sexual behavior and relationships is often already firmly established by the time he or she reaches college ..ameliorative measures at the college level might come years too late. If we want to get it right, we must begin educating them in junior high school about the necessity of affirmative consent. The [best way] to do that is to make it part of the mandatory sex education curriculum."  - Dr. Paul R. Abramson

I agree. Our approach to sexual relationships is established well before college, however, I'm not sure classroom instruction is the answer. We're reared in a culture of 'intoxicated sex'. There are few opportunities for young people to meet without ingesting intoxicants to help ease the anxiety of social interaction. I think the Boy's and Girl's club is a better place than sex ed class .. and could be greatly expanded. It's a place where young people can go to meet while doing something other than drinking. I mean activities like video games, dance ..and even ping-pong are far less stressful than High School parties. Classroom instruction often goes out the window in the face of social anxiety. Engaging with others in a more natural setting while learning first-hand the consequences of disrespect and offensive behavior is, in my opinion, a step toward healthier relations ..and possibly away from a culture of intoxicated sex.

a fortuitous juncture

I believe we occupy a fortuitous juncture in time and space where the balance of cosmic events  favor life as we know it. The planetary whip of the sun and resulting elements of light, mass and energy have come together to form just the right biosphere.  Inside the biosphere, a system of sensory processes developed that binds these elements together and give rise to our conscious experience of it.

In addition, cosmology and neuroscience inform us that our conscious experience may be just one in a larger number of universe-like phenomena ..a multi-verse ..where many universe's co-exist (at different junctures) giving rise to different sensory processes. Who says our conscious experience is the only one possible ..? At different junctures - different ways of experiencing may have developed. There's inter-dependance between cosmic development and embryonic development ..and a different narrative begins at each juncture.  

I have no idea what I'm talking about ..

Millenials

Emma Stone

Brittany Murphy

Teresa Palmer

 Brie Larson

Lori Petty Film

The Poker House (2007) a film by Lori Petty with Jennifer Lawrence in her first starring role  (x)

Report from Pahoa

Starseed (Pahoa resident)  says the Kilauea lava flow that's threatening her home " ..is an exercise is patience and non-attachment. Madam Pele is our teacher. The lava will go when and where the lava wants to go."

Emma Stone

The millennials

Mia Wasikowska in the movie 'Tracks'

I've been following a group of actors and actresses who represent the Millennial generation. These are kids who came of age in the 2000's (Anna Kendrick, Brie Larson, Jake Johnson). Many of them don't have big studio contracts (if those even exist anymore) so they appear mostly in independent films (Breathe in, Drinking Buddies, Safety Not Guaranteed). Independent films rarely make it to 'wide release' in the U.S. Sometimes they go directly to DVD ..which leads me to my question: if the actors and actresses in these films represent the Millennial generation ..why don't they make it to 'wide release' more often? I have a theory. I think it has something to do with the narrative-expectation of this generation. They're the target audience for film distributors (between the ages of 16 and 30) and they're the one's who determine which films go from 'limited' to 'wide release' (the industry looks at their twitter posts from theaters during the first week). I don't believe Independent films always follow the 'video game' narrative they we're raised with.

Battle of evermore

We've been at war my whole life. So why am I so anxious for it to be over and peace to resume? What makes me think that war is short-term? It never results in a lasting peace. It only creates more enemies ..new threats and more war. I'm beginning to think it may be a way of life (x). I’m reminded of a Buddhist parable Jisho Perry once told us. I call it ‘the battle of evermore’ because I don’t remember the actual title. Nor do I remember the words. I can only paraphrase. It goes something like this:

A sentient being, unable to escape the cycle of reincarnation, is locked in perpetual battle with another being: a ferocious beast from hell. After several lifetimes of this, he grows disgusted. No longer fearing death he declares: “Enough! I can no longer live like this" and throws down his sword. Suddenly the illusion of the ferocious beast vanishes, the barricade of defensiveness crumbles and he's free from the endless cycle of battle.

critical thought

 Students in Colorado protesting Government
control of information taught in schools

In an effort to establish state control of education in Hong Kong, the Chinese government enacted the Patriotic Education Curriculum of 2012. Student leaders successfully campaigned against it (x)

In August 2014, the U.S. Congress passed a resolution requiring schools to use an Education Curriculum that presents a Patriotic view of history and promotes respect for Authority ..replacing one by the College Board of Review that promotes critical thinking. Sounds like a similar move to install State-Controlled education in the U.S. Students in Colorado are protesting (x)

coastal zone

offshore conditions at Butterfly ..crystal

Thousand Steps

Aubrey Plaza

Report from Serena Kali Devi

:

Lava from Kilauea is heading for Pahoa town, Puna Hawaii

Serena Kali Devi: This weekend I have left the place my heart feels most at home, Puna Hawaii, where the beautiful aina and my amazing ohana is undergoing intense lava tapasya, transformation by fire to purify, cleanse and rebirth. Departure on the plane had me feeling like a crying child being separated from Mother's womb. But I still feel her nurturing me all the way from the other side of the world, she is guiding my travels, and I know she will bring me back home safe and sound to paradise when she is ready for my return. Om Shanti Shanti Shanti Tutu Pele Ma Ma Ma

Esalen

Silent Meditation Retreat (x)
by  Sasha Bronner

Part I: My Fear Of Going Completely Batshit Crazy

The hardest part of living with an undiagnosed and often difficult to manage immune disorder is the war it has waged between my mind and my body. What started as a small rash of hives at age 22 slowly blossomed into a dark and prickly garden of endless referrals, specialists, misdiagnoses, pills, needles, IVs, full-body scans and more questions than answers. Six years of feeling like my body had turned against me created a separation within myself that is hard to pinpoint. It's sort of like having a dollhouse inside your body and closing off three rooms because there are bad things inside of them. 

I got used to walking around that house, but it was unsettling to see the rooms sealed off -- knowing that at any moment, or on any morning, those doors could be blown wide open and I would wake up with welts all over my body or crippling shooting pain in my knees or such deep exhaustion that I sometimes couldn't get out of bed. 

The list of doctors in my phone grew steadily, as did my list of prescription drugs. Popping cocktails of bright, multi-colored tablets became routine as I tried eliminating everything from gluten to caffeine, sugar, dairy and alcohol. I carried my disorder with me through three jobs, three apartments and three relationships. The side effects of the medications were vast and deep. Depression and a constant, free-floating sense of unease cloaked my clothing during the day and pushed up against me at night when I slept. It ran down my legs and into the drain like soap when I showered. Trying to determine what drug was causing what reaction or what circumstance was causing what emotion became an endless maze -- a nauseating brain teaser that I longed to quit but also needed to solve. 

 

Consequently, maintaining sanity was my biggest concern going into a five-day silent meditation retreat at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California. It was the end of 2013 and I found myself exhausted, burnt out and looking for peace. Having never meditated before (I don't count the hour-long class while studying abroad in England at age 21 where I instantly fell asleep to the sound of a train passing by), I worried about what repeated meditation and prolonged silence would stir up within my psyche. A month before going, I told an ex that I was most scared of my own intensity, and he told me that that was exactly why I should go. 

Part II: Searching For Quiet 

Revealing to people that I was going to be silent for five days inspired all sorts of responses. They were even more baffled when I clarified that I would do so alone, over New Year's Eve and my birthday. The decision to go came almost out of a fever dream. I don't remember when the idea came to me and I don't remember deciding to do it. It's like I always meant to go, forgot about it and then suddenly remembered. A minor case of curable amnesia. Even after calling Esalen and being placed on a waitlist because the retreat was full, I didn't bat an eye. I saw a missed call from a Monterey area code the very next day and listened, with glee, to a voicemail saying that I was in. I always knew I was going. I am pretty certain I don't believe in god and my relationship with spirituality is one I would characterize as celibate, but the magnetic force pulling me to Esalen is one I can only describe as calm and real. 

 

The Esalen Institute is a beautiful place tucked deep into the jagged cliffs off Highway One in Big Sur. The constant sound of waves crashing was the soundtrack to the five days I spent there. I had no phone, no music and no books. My meditation class met for two-hour blocks, three times a day. I napped outside in the breeze in the afternoons and ate meals alone, bundled in a puffy jacket and beanie, staring out at the grays, blues and shimmering shapes in the ocean. I soaked in the fragrant hot springs at night, floating weightless, naked, staring up at the blackest sky with the brightest stars. I sat and watched small tiny lights curve around the bend of Highway One periodically, night travelers passing through, their headlights flashing like Morse code and then vanishing as quickly as they came. Our meditation teacher explained the mind's tendency to wander and said that pulling it back is just like flexing a muscle; the equivalent of doing a bicep curl for a body builder. He encouraged us to focus and refocus on the in and out of our breathing, and sometimes I would keep count of my breaths just to stay awake. Other times I would drift into a trance that I could feel in my bones as both heavy and light -- like I was being pushed into the ground from my sternum and lifted up at the same time -- until he rang a little bell and signaled our return to reality. I felt deeply isolated and also deeply happy. That's not to say I didn't struggle. In morning meditation, I fell asleep often and then would silently scold myself for not being better. In walking meditation, I cursed my teacher for moving too slowly. In sunset meditation, I started seeing bright, flashing neon shapes pulsating out of the sun and peered around at others to see if I was the only one imagining things. I had such a persistent headache that I had to slip a note to a classmate pleading for Advil. 

  

I didn't have a big "ah-ha!" moment that I can use as the headline for this essay. I didn't have a breakdown and I didn't deflate with loneliness on New Year's Eve or on my 29th birthday, even though I was absolutely alone. I commemorated the changing of the New Year by laying on my back in the darkness at the edge of the pool, drawing imaginary lines between the stars in the sky and counting the seconds between waves crashing. My alarm chimed quietly, as if not to disturb me, at midnight. It was 2014. I didn't miss the parties or the candles or the shouting and the hollering. I fell in love with every moment of quiet that I found in Big Sur. 

 

Quiet didn't come as the result of a dramatic breakthrough like I expected it to. It just was. I didn't feel any of the despair, anxiety, rage or sadness that have colored my twenties as I dipped in and out of good health. Being quiet didn't aggravate any of the emotions swirling within me. It actually quieted them down. The act of exaggerated silence filled me with the purest sense of calm I have ever felt. The retreat only lasted five days, and I'm no longer silent. But I am quieter. I still take pills in the morning and at night, but I'm taking less and less of them. The medical bracelet on my wrist feels less permanent and more temporary. Talking and laughing and reading and music still make me feel alive. But so does silence. It can feel scary and it can feel dark for a few moments when I try to fall asleep at night, thinking about all of the unknowns at age 29, and 39 and 49. So I turn on a noise machine and fall asleep to the sound of crashing waves, and I imagine floating weightless, staring up at the brightest stars in that infinite black sky.

Telex from Cuba

Dalia suffered acute and sustained anxiety attacks that lasted several weeks and felt, she told me, “Like I’ve dropped something priceless and fragile, and it’s about to hit the floor and smash into a million pieces. There’s nothing I can do – I’ve already dropped it and it’s going to smash into a million pieces. That feeling. It’s just left my hands. It’s just left my hands.”

                       Telex from Cuba by Rachel Kushner

Wild by Cheryl Strayed

Internal narrative: "In my perception, the world isn’t a graph or formula or an equation. It’s a story. Fear, to a great extent, comes from a story we tell ourselves, so I chose to tell myself a different story. Every time I heard a sound of unknown origin or felt something horrible cohering in my imagination, I pushed it away. It wasn’t long before I actually wasn’t afraid.”

Anna Kendrick

Aubrey Plaza

April's goals for management training class: "I will pit Ron and Chris against each other. They'll argue about dumb stuff that doesn't matter, and I will bail. Then I'll steal $20 from Chris's wallet and buy pizza with Andy. Oh, and I'll also steal Ron's watch, just for fun."

"It's my favorite kind of battle"

( x )

Draza