The pioneer

The telephone wakes me from deep sleep ..it’s Laura’s voice on the other end and I’m instantly wide-awake. She’s in Austin Texas ..scouting the housing market, the job market and schools for her and Karla. Yesterday she was in San Antonio ..but says she prefers Austin ..where there seems to be a lot more going on ..economically and culturally. I agree, although I’ve never been there ..I used to watch ‘Austin City Limits’ ..so I tell her it’s the ‘capital’ of country music. She doesn’t sound impressed. She tells me she had to drive through a brutal storm to get there ..and the wind and rain made her pull off the road several times. Today, however, it is clear and she’s OK ..which makes me feel greatly relieved (Later on, I find out that parts of Texas were flooded ..and the Dallas airport closed). In Austin, she actually made contact with a couple of Architects ..one through the paper ..and the other one outside an OfficeMax ..which was next to a HomeDepot ..which was next to the Starbucks where she was having coffee. Sounds promising. Later on, she drove by the high school ..where she says even the ‘gothies’ look busy ..reading ..or working on their laptop ..not scary .. traveling in gangs ..or anything like that ..making her feel less anxious about Karla’s safety. She’s driving back to Monterrey Mexico now ..five more hours to go. I’m impressed with how tuned-in she is to American culture ..it’s very different than Mexico ..where her sister ..and most of her girlfriends still lead traditional lives as wives and homemakers. She says she had to laugh ..her sister thought ‘Juno’ was a great movie .. but the ending made her cry.

Tuesday afternoon

A notice arrives in the mail. They’re converting some nearby bungalows into condos. That’s more than enough reason for me to go sticking my nose into someone else’s business. I trek up the hill and locate the site ..four bungalows ..all vintage 1920’s. I knock on one door. Timothy answers, he just moved here from Maryland ..and he’s subletting from someone who is subletting from someone else. He says he’s going to hang around and see if he can get ‘right of first refusal’ when they go condo. I knock on the next door ..and a surfer answers who looks just like Jeff Spicoli from the movie ‘Fast Times ..’ He says it doesn’t matter to him ..he’ll be in Hawaii long before anything ever happens “But, dude ..thanks for the heads-up.” He invites me in for some ‘herbage’ and a chat. He’s a carpenter and says that these places are going to need major remodeling ..a lot of them are in original condition. “But hey ..” he goes “they don’t build ‘em like this anymore ..look ’roundcha’ dude ..arched doorways ..corniced finishings ..even got glass door knobs.” Now we’re going: this has got to be a plot ..they’re trying to fool the planning commission .. first they call it a ‘conversion’ .. then they get as far as they can before they demolish it ..and the city makes them stop and wait for the proper permits. “Happens all the time” he says “..biggest game in town ..sometimes they’re almost through before going to the commission and saying ‘hey look, there was mold ..we had to tear the place down.’” I trek back home feeling like I got to the bottom of something. What ..I’m not sure. Hopefully this’ll make more sense to me when I read it tomorrow.

Neuro

I wake up this morning feeling foggy headed ~ it’s a balancing act getting out of bed and down the stairs. I sit down and pour myself some coffee and cereal ..and watch as one half goes in ..and the other half goes out of the bowl. I clean up. I drive to see the neurologist ..and get the results of an MRI scan that I’ve been sweating about for the last couple weeks. “Looks good ..!” he says ~ and I’m relieved ~ but I ask him to tell me, once again, what he’s looking for. “The reason you’re out-of-balance.” he says. “I know the answer to that.” I say ..leaving out the fact that we talked about this last time. “OK ..” he says “..tell me what you think the reason is ..dumbshit.” (I filled in the dumbshit part). “The same reason I see a physical therapist ..there’s a problem with my ‘vestibular system’ (sense of balance) .. I do ‘neuro-retraining’ exercises for it and blah blah blah” ..and he’s not even listening and says he has no idea what I’m talking about. I leave feeling even foggier than before ..but with enough sense to realize that I worried over nothing ..MRI’s are expensive ..and I definitely need to get another neurologist. I pick up a cup of coffee at Starbucks ..and get a parking ticket for being in a passenger-loading zone ..I turn the page and there’s another ticket for having no front license plate ..it’s over $100.00 ..I sit on the curb ..drink my coffee and try to remember what happened to the license plate ..and wonder if this is somehow related to the magazine I swiped from the waiting room. I stop by Lazy Acres to pick up ginseng and flax seed oil. I power on to Tri County ..Trader Joe’s .. and Presto Pasta. I get home where there’s a message on my machine .. the ‘good deal’ I found on computer memory last week is gone ..Microsoft Vista uses so much .. there’s been a run on the market ..not to mention the value of the yen ..and I’m sitting here feeling like I just skidded nine miles ..out of the last ten.

Juno

It’s like drawing an inside straight ~ over and over again. I’ve polled the voices inside my head and they tell me to keep rolling the dice ~ this isn't gonna last. My online supplier for artwork is handling things so well ~ I’m no longer worried about that. My laptop warranty hasn’t expired ~ so, with the help of Sadhna in India ~ it screams when I hit the keys ~ which means I’m no longer swearing at microsoft ~ over and over again. I also found someone to upgrade my memory for under $100.00. A bargain. Last week the guy at Compuwest told me I’d be better off buying a new computer. Even my cynical neighbor Matt smiles when I pass by. I go down State Street ~ and duck into Vita’s for a cup of coffee ~ then I go to the theater and see the movie ‘Juno’ ~ very sweet ~ offbeat and witty ~ so, afterwards I go to Morninglory and pick up the soundtrack ~ which is offbeat and folksy ~ I like it a lot ~ ’specially the part that goes: “..we won't stop until somebody calls the cops ..and even then we'll start again and just pretend that ..nothing ever happened”. It’s like my faith in humanity needs restoring ~ over and over again.

Slipstream

I wake up to the sound of ‘dear prudence’ on the radio ~ it sounds so good I wonder why I never bought the Beatles white album before ~ I go downstairs and hear my plants begging for food and water ~ and decide to take care of them before breakfast ..thinking it’ll go fast ~ I’m sitting at the dining room table trying to convert grams ..to ounces ..to tablespoons ..and failing ~ I kick myself for being so stupid ~ I switch on the laptop and it tells me I’ve lost some components of windows ..would I like to restore ..? OK, I say ..wondering if it has a leak ~ while it’s doing that, I water a nearby plant ..and watch as the water runs out the bottom ~ I rush to the sink ..spilling dirt along the way ~ I’m on my knees cleaning the carpet when the computer asks me if I would like to run an anti virus now ~ I reach up with a dirty wet hand and press OK ..hoping it'll find the other leak ~ before I can wash the dirt off my hands ..it informs me that the anti virus is missing a component ..would I like to restore ..? Of course, I yell ..that’s what I pay you for ..! Now there’s dirt all over the keyboard ~ I’m cleaning up thinking maybe I better do this outside ..the plants could use a good drench watering ..besides, I can handle it from here ..it’ll go fast ~ I pick up a bamboo palm from upstairs and take it outside ..it’s bone dry ~ I pick up a kentia palm and spill dirty water all over the carpet ..guess I over-watered it ~ I get a towel to blot it up ..and a plastic bag to wrap it up and take it outside ~ I change into gardening clothes ~ I look at a plant I took outside last week ..it’s burning up ~ I stop to perform a quick transplant and bring it back inside ..leaving a trail of dirt behind ~ I stop to clean it up .. and look at the laptop ~ the antivirus is finished but has no leaks to report ~ I guess the leaks are in my head ~ I begin watering ..I look at my watch ..it’s past noon ..maybe I should have a cup of coffee first ~ I put down the hose ~ and pick it up again going ..nah, I’m almost done ~ now I’m pruning trees by the creek ~ creating a pile of debris ~ and thinking of a way to tell my neighbors that I’m not cool with their plans to grow bamboo ~ a potted fichus starts to overflow ~ I run over .. grab the hose .. and notice blood running down my arm ~ I cut myself with the pruning shears while thinking of what to say to my neighbors ~ I take my shirt off and run the hose over my head ~ I go inside and pour peroxide on the wound ~ now I’m sitting outside drinking juice and coffee ..it’s 2 pm ~ I go inside ~ I come back outside ~ I see that two of my palms have white fly ~ I go inside to get the spray ~ I come outside ~ I go inside again and get my reading glasses because I can’t read the instructions ~ I come back outside ~ I go inside to get a magnifying glass because I still can’t read the instructions ~ I wonder if my vision is getting more blurry ~ I begin spraying ..and the wind blows it right back in my face ~ I’m holding my hair while I flush my eyes with the hose ~ now I’m sitting in the dirt going: “..how the fuck did I get here ..?”

Wednesday

A ringing sound wakes me in the morning ..I hit the snooze button but it doesn’t go away ..I pick up the telephone and hear Emilio’s voice going : “You’re golden” ..which means my car is ready ..I walk seven blocks to the shop ..sit there and talk about cars for a while ..he tells me the Europeans aren’t going to raise prices ..they’re afraid of losing customers .. I’m glad to hear his business won’t suffer ..I drive to my doctor's office ..we talk about the possibility of giving his ‘stress reduction workshop’ at Esalen next year ..why not, I say ..it fits ..he writes me a script for medz that I plan to buy from Canada ..I arrive home feeling exhausted ..I lay on the futon but can’t sleep ..I worry about money I’ve spent ..then imagine myself breaking a bottle of milk in the sink and watching it run down the drain ..not much I can do about that either ..I go downstairs and watch an episode of law and order ..the one with Vincent D’Onofrio ..this time they get their man by taking advantage of his obsessive-compulsive disorder ..he spends the night tearing apart the garage looking for a mistake he didn’t really make ..cool.

Micro business

Shaun is the 23-year-old son of a friend of mine. He’s also an entrepreneur with a plan. He wants to sublet his one-bedroom apartment to two-or-more students ..for a modest profit ..then move ..rent ..and sublet again. It’s a ‘micro business’ he says “ ..start small ..create a stream of income with every move ..until, who knows ..maybe one day I’ll work my way up to like ..dormitories.” Before long, he says, he’ll have enough money for a place of his own. Well, I have to give him credit ..he would be filling a need ..we have a large population of students ..and a shortage of housing.

“Aren’t landlords already doing this kind of thing in Isla Vista ..?” I ask.

“Yeah, but I’m looking at the Mission district .. places like that ..who wants to live in a student ghetto like IV."

(Other students, I say to myself) “You’re going to have to stay one step ahead of the wrecking ball ..the only affordable rents in districts like that are in buildings about to be torn down.” (I don’t have to remind him that he lives in an apartment that was converted from a hospital ..and is scheduled to be torn down).

“But, don’t you see uncle Lee ..that’s where the opportunity lies, they all have to go through the permit process ...which can take years ..in the meantime, I’m providing income for the owner ..and living quarters for students .. it’s a win-win situation .. do you know what the dropout rate is around here ..? Shit, I’ll probably be able to rent the same place two or three times before the wrecking ball arrives."

“Sounds like a black-market ..do you suppose real estate offices are doing that already ..part of their ‘property management’ division ..have you considered working for them ..?”

“I’m not talking about work, uncle Lee ..I’m going to ‘manage’. I’ll hire people to do the work.”

Head banger

I caught myself doing it again last night ..banging my head against the wall until all hours ..needlessly. I could have simply walked away. My email service started mangling whatever I put into it from word processors ..on both of my computers. Since my email service is also my Internet service provider .. I felt like I was stuck .. I started fiddling with every setting I could find ..ran every antivirus I could get my hands on ..downloaded the latest version of JavaScript ..I had two techies on the phone ..and when they ran out of ideas ..I called them wimps ..which kept them going ..they told me they don’t work on ‘third party’ software ..I told them their service is made up of nothing but third party software ..they told me that my ‘network software’ is corrupt ..only when connecting to your service, I countered ..our switchboards would be lit up like a Christmas tree right now if that were the case ..what, my patronage isn’t enough ..and on and on. I launched a bunch of anitvirus antispyware antipasto anti-takeover suicide prevention pills and went to bed. Got up this morning, but still no luck (would you believe it was the first thing I did when I got up). I even re-installed my office software ..nada. Then, after walking away from the computer .. I realized that I had already found the solution. In my efforts to show the techies that it was only a problem with their service ..I opened accounts with google, microsoft and yahoo. They work fine ..

Getting inside voter’s minds

[This was my ‘letter to the editor’ of the LA Times ..in response to an article which talks about the way neuroscience can be used to predict election outcomes. I have just enough background to detect overblown claims such as these]

The techniques used by neuroscience to observe mental activity are so new; they’re like trying to envision life on another planet with nautical charts created before the days of Columbus. That’s why I’m doubtful about the claims made by ‘Neuro-marketers’ who say they can tell a person's reaction to a campaign slogan by looking at their EEG. It’s a matter of interpretation. A good example is the study mentioned at the beginning of the article. ‘Neuro-pollsters’ detect a burst of brain wave activity in response to the phrase “..people in need will never be invisible to me” ..taken from a speech given by Hillary Clinton. They take it as a signal of “subconscious fear” on the part of the listener. However, someone else may interpret it as a response to a double-negative .. requiring a little extra attention to understand. In other words, I wonder what they would have seen had Clinton said: “..people in need will always be visible to me” instead.

Medicine man

I’m driving south on I-5 heading toward Encinitas.  Portia, from the foundation, asked me if I would go there and check out an Indian medicine man who claims he can cure depression, anxiety and addictions using an herbal remedy and conducting a guided ceremony. “You always said you were interested in medicinal plants” she says with a grin. I arrive at a suburban house where I’m led to a backyard ‘Ashram’ where I’m met by Truenos, a Peruvian medicine man.  He greets me at the door with a bow and says “come in come in ..we’re about to begin” I detect the sweet nature of serenity, like walking into a Buddhist sangha ..reinforcing my belief that Indians and Asians have a lot in common.  Truenos stops, looks me in the eye and kindly suggests that I leave my preconceived notions behind.  I clench my teeth and wonder whether I thought that or said that. Either way who cares. I join a circle of people sitting on cushions around a big brass table.  There are feathers, candles, water, stones, and in the center, a large hookah.  So naturally, the next thought running through my mind is how similar this looks to the time I was in college ..when suddenly I hear Truenos say that this will be like nothing we have ever experienced before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scenes from my life flicker by like images on a movie screen. Each one leading nowhere. Snakes crawl out of the patterns from the Persian rug I’m sitting on. Brought to me courtesy of my reptilian brain I suppose. Just then I hear our guide say “Pre-suppositions may get in your way .. like stones in the road.” Appropriate metaphor I think. Then I hear him say “Words are just a child banging on a drum .. the rhythm you hear is actually a loop playing inside your head” and I go, hey, another cool metaphor. Then I stop and think, how many times has that phrase looped through my head today ..then [poof] I don’t remember anything after that. Afterwards he explains to me how your own thoughts determine where the drug will take you ..and how often that can be nowhere.

Pacific Heights

Richelle’s furnace broke in November ~ an unusually cold November for California ~ she calls the property manager who tells her that they’ll send someone out immediately ~ after a week huddled by the fireplace with her daughter ..Richelle calls the property manager ~ the property manager tells her that they can no longer authorize repairs for big ticket items like that ~ she’ll have to contact the owner directly ~ Richelle calls the owner ~ the owner tells her that the problem is not the furnace ..it’s the thermostat ~ the property manager should be able to take care of that ~ so, the property manager sends his nephew over to fix the thermostat ~ the nephew takes the thermostat home to figure out what’s wrong ~ meanwhile, Richelle and her daughter spend another week huddled by the fireplace ~ she calls the property manager ~ the property manager tells her that the thermostat needs to be replaced ..and they’ve already put in a call for a new one ~ the new one arrives and the nephew installs it over the holidays ~ while Richelle is out of town visiting family ~ when she returns ..the furnace still isn’t working ~ the property manager repeats that he can’t authorize furnace repairs ~ so Richelle calls the owner ~ the owner says it’s not the furnace ..it’s the pilot light ~ the property manager should be able to take care of that ~ his nephew comes by and replaces the pilot while Richelle is at work ~ when she gets home the furnace still isn’t working ~ Richelle now knows to call the owner ~ the owner tells her it’s not the furnace ..it’s the burners ~ have the property manager send someone over to clean them out .. and if she doesn’t stop harassing them like this .. she can expect a big rent increase ~ I tell Richelle that I think she has won the right to make her own repairs and deduct the amount from her next rent payment ~ she talks to an attorney who advises her to stop paying rent altogether and move into a hotel ~ Richelle stops paying rent and starts spending nights at her office (she’s self-employed) ~ the owner serves Richelle with notice to vacate ~ Richelle calls the building department and has the property declared ‘uninhabitable’ ~ the owner takes Richelle to court ~ Richelle shows the judge the notice from the building department ~ the judge orders the repairs be made ~ awards Richelle relief from rent owed ~ as well as rents due for the next three months ~ and if she moves out before that time ~ then the owner owes her the amount of rent for the months remaining ~ Richelle comes home delighted ~ I help her move out the next day ~ total award : $15,000.00 in Richelle’s favor ~ the next day I see the owner in the yard planting posies ~ she tells me that she just succeeded in evicting a ‘problem’ tenant ..you know, the ‘professional’ renter who cheats their landlord out of so much money that they are forced to sell ~ then an accomplice ‘swoops down and snags the property at a discount’ ~ and I’m thinking ..if she spends that much time and money worrying over petty repairs .. she’s in the wrong business.

Theory

I entered graduate school in the field of Experimental Psychology and began looking for a ‘killer topic’ for the master’s thesis. I knew I couldn’t just write a paper – it had to be a research project. This meant coming up with a theory and collecting data to support it. Furthermore, it had to be interesting enough to get published in a professional journal. I had no idea what I was going to do but I didn’t have much time. While preparing for a presentation I was giving at a seminar in learning theory, I ran across a study showing how reading scores dramatically improve once children start making ‘inferences’. For instance, when a child reads the sentence “The paratrooper jumped out of the door” it helps if they make the inference “The paratrooper jumped out of the plane”. We weren’t teaching children to make inferences and that was one of the reasons why Japanese students were outscoring American student in reading. That interested me so I made a copy of it for future reference. Later that year at a seminar in linguistics, I listened to one of the presenters describe how inference-making can have undesirable consequences. At the Watergate hearings for instance, when President Nixon said “No one told me John Mitchell was behind the break-in.” People came away with the impression he said, “I did not know John Mitchell was behind the break-in.” I thought, how ironic ..the same process that helps children learn to read can become a source of misunderstanding between adults. It was an intriguing theory but even more important – I had found a ‘killer topic’. After getting my thesis committee to approve, I began running tests measuring adult speech and reading comprehension. What I found is that people really are susceptible to misleading inferences. Over two-thirds of the time, they mistake the inferences they make for something they either heard or read before. After listening to a passage containing the sentence “The karate expert hit the cement block”, they swore what they heard was “The karate expert broke the cement block.” Relying on inferences can actually lower adult reading scores. I thought I was on to something. Inferences are stored in a manner that is indistinguishable from information conveyed by direct assertion. I found examples occurring in courtroom testimony and deceptive advertising. I presented my findings at a conference of the Western Psychological Association in Los Angeles where I managed to get my thesis published [link]. Then, someone approached me and said that my research would be useful in another field .. developing speech recognition systems for the computer. So in 1981, after the Reagan Administration began cutting funds for the kind of research I was doing, I completed the master’s degree and I went to work for the computer industry. I remember my colleagues telling me I was ‘selling-out’. I never lost interest in psychology and always thought I’d come back and complete a doctoral degree.

Holiday in Appalachia (continued)

I go across the creek this morning to have a look at the place. My neighbor Donn has me holding one end of a measuring tape while he holds the other. However, it's still not clear to me where his property ends and the other begins. Looks to me like he’s going to have to get a surveyor out here. He says: “No, I have to get an attorney out here ..there’s no ‘site map’ .. the property lines were determined by a hand shake back in the 1920’s .” A few more neighbors arrive. I ask if they’d be willing to split the difference. See if they can get Tom to put up a stone wall ..6 inches wide. They tell me that would be crazy. As long as they feel they have the ‘right of easement’ ..they're not backing down.

“Even if it means putting Tom out of business ..?” I ask.

“Oh, you bet. We don't care.”

“What if the next guy that comes along has more money ..and wants to build something along the lines of a Disney World theme park ..?”

“Nobody in their right mind would buy this property ..not in this market ..!”

“A developer might..”

Now they’re looking at me like I’m out of my mind ..and I walk away, still hearing the sound of banjoes, and thinking: “They ain’t used to seein’ nuthin ‘round here ‘cept fer that ol’ abandoned shack ..and I s’pose they intend on keepin it that way.”

Holiday in Appalachia

I’m attending a meeting this afternoon down at the building department. I'm anxious to see if they're going to let a new owner tear down the 'Appalachian shack' that sits across the creek from me. Even though I wish they wouldn’t schedule these things so close to the holidays ..I am getting tired of hearing the sound of dueling banjoes every day. Besides, I’ve talked to Tom, the new owner, and I’m OK with what he’s doing. However, the property is ‘land-locked’ meaning he has to cross over other people’s property to get there. When I enter the meeting room ..I'm caught in the crossfire between Hatfield’s and McCoy’s.

“The project is too big ..your construction equipment is destroying my property ..!”

“We have an easement ..besides, I already told you I’d replace anything that gets damaged ..!”

“That’s not the issue ..you tore down my fence ..!”

“That fence was on my property ..!”

“No it wasn’t ..!”

“Yes it was ..!”

“Ok Ok, listen ..if I agree to put up a new fence ..can I continue working without you guys calling the police again..?”

“Hell no.”

Nothing is accomplished. Six inches of land stand in the way and unless Tom concedes ..the neighbors aren’t letting construction vehicles pass through their property, which they somehow feel is their God-given right.

Rabbit hole

I met Crazy Charlie in college ~ that’s also where I learned that hallucinations don’t always appear as people who aren’t really there ~ no, hallucinations are more subtle than that ~ they often don’t rise to the threshold of sight ~ most of the time they stop at the auditory centers ~ so, hearing voices of people who aren’t really there is a lot more common ~ I experienced this directly by participating in LSD sessions ~ LSD mimics psychosis by lowering the threshold for signals arriving from the senses ~ as well as noise originating from the mind ~ making music sound more persuasive ~ mixed up with people who looked more melodic ~ it could heighten feelings of euphoria ~ leading me to believe I was making all kinds of fascinating discoveries ~ or intensify feelings of dread and anxiety ~ which I could manufacture just as easily on my own ~ so I quit ~ I discovered that I had an aptitude for languages ~ which I probably picked up overseas ~ so I focused on language learning ~ not necessarily ESL ~ more like ‘hemispheric lateralization’ ~ I narrowed it down to reading comprehension ~ then phonemic awareness ~ my progress was going in the direction of increasing specialization ~ taking a subject and exploring it in depth ~ my friends and family thought I was crazy ~ they thought higher education was supposed to be a process of expanding horizons ~ so they used to ask me what else I was doing besides examining relative clauses ~ and they were right ~ higher education does expand your horizons ~ just not the way you think ~ the deeper you go into any one thing ~ the more connections you see with everything else ~ like, for instance, when Alice went down the rabbit hole ~ it didn’t lead to a tunnel ~ it opened up to the rest of the world ~ the one inside of her childlike mind.

Formative years

I came of age on the edge of the Pacific ocean, which is probably why I can see more shades of blue than a farm boy in rural Nebraska ..and why he can see more shades of grain. I spent my adolescence exploring coves beneath bluffs lined with spectacular homes that I felt would always be outta reach. I didn’t mind, my ambitions weren’t exactly materialistic ..as long as they didn’t put the beach outta reach ..that’s where I felt most at home. I mastered body boarding ..I went through tide pools and caves ..I found a hidden cove that I could get to only by diving off a cliff and get out of by swimming. I used to go there a lot and just sit ..watching life in the coastal zone ..a cycle of water swooshing in and flowing out ..re-shaping it’s surroundings. It resembled the way my days  went ..from sunny beaches ..to dark corners ..and back to sunny beaches again. I came of age on the edge of the Pacific ocean ..and I know how much this sounds like some sort of daily affirmation.

Divinity rules

I was raised to believe that America is the land of the free ~ and a sanctuary from religious persecution. So naturally I was alarmed to discover that it all depends on which church I go to. The Republican Administration has chosen to identify itself with the religious right ..primarily Evangelical Christians. The evangelical community has arrogantly staked the moral high-ground ~ and declared themselves the only legitimate believers entitled to hold power. They have adopted their own form of religious persecution by creating a test to discriminate against public office holders. It goes something like this: 1) do you follow divine guidance and 2) do your prayers get answered by the same God as ours. Mormonism is a cult ..that speaks in code ..Catholics seek world domination ..Jews aren’t even Christian ..and Muslims are fanatics. I’m afraid that If I met up with a Christian conservative in some rural backwater ~ I wouldn’t stand a chance ~ I practice zen buddhism ~ there’s no place for me in their world order. In the past, I have been accused of:

1) following false prophets
2) pagan idolatry
3) being a California nutcase
4) belonging to an anti-American terrorist group
5) being a member of a fringe religious cult from the East that holds life in low regard

I mean, wasn’t it the Buddhists who set themselves on fire to protest the war in Vietnam ~ how different is that than a suicide bomber in Afghanistan ~ how many virgins were they promised in heaven ..? (someone actually said this to me)

Do I feel protected by the constitution ..? not really, certainly not with a Republican Administration that is slowly relieving me of my constitutional rights ~ while turning around and accusing me of being ‘anti-Christian’ whenever I say I want leaders who are ‘pro-constitution’. The constitution clearly states that power and liberty are a ‘human right’ ~ not a ‘god-given privilege’ ~ there was a reason our founding fathers called for ‘separation of church and state’. It’s real easy for someone to pass laws ~ based on the whim of their particular beliefs ~ that hurt or destroy people’s lives. I find the current state of affairs appalling and downright frightening. My sister wants to move back to the United States after living in Toronto for 20 years. I tell her it’s not the same place anymore. I want to pack my bags and leave for Canada tomorrow. About the best I can hope for is that the religious right will divide itself into so many factions ..they’ll be easier to conquer in next year’s elections.

Wave behavior

Today I read about the humongous waves I experienced yesterday (see Offshore crush below). They actually started out as swells several days before ~ hundreds of miles out to sea. Somewhere between Hawaii and California; they got amp’d. Tuesday they started slamming into Mavericks (a beach near San Francisco) at a height of around 50 feet. From there they traveled south ~ mellowing a bit ~ and managed to slip in-between the Channel Islands (which usually serve as a break water for Santa Barbara) ~ where they hit Rincon at just over 20 feet ~ which is cool if you were at Rincon ~ because there’s a rocky point where the waves peel off ~ creating a nice side-ways barrel ride. That was not the case where I was, however ~ at Hammonds they were ‘beach break’ ~ which means skull crushing waves that crash all at once ~ offering no chance of escape.

Offshore crush

The forecast today calls for warm and sunny skies ~ offshore wind ~ and humongous waves. I pop some vitamin C ~ chase it with fruit juice and coffee ~ put the top down ~ toss my body board in ~ and careen through town ~ feeling warm but doubtful there‘ll be much surf ~ we just don’t get humongous waves here. I round the bend from Olive Mill Road to Channel Drive ~ that runs along the beach ~ where I enter a fog bank so thick ~ it blots out the sun. Burn-off, I suppose ~ no, wait ~ its ocean spray being thrown off the swells hitting the shore ~ creating a mist that hangs in the air. I pull over ~ run across the sand ~ and dive in ~ realizing, in horror, I’m over my head in break water ~ created by humongous waves crashing ~ one after the other ~ leaving me nothing to do except hang on and ride them in. I’m sitting on the beach catching my breath when I see half a surfboard wash ashore ~ then the other half still tethered to a guy named Chris ~ thank God, he says ~ he needed it to find the surface ~ I’m sitting on the cliffs watching the waves get bigger and bigger ~ and the beach get smaller and smaller ~ telling myself over and over ~ this is fucking phenomenal.

Crazy Charlie

Crazy Charlie, how do you do ~ I see ya’ stylin' down the avenue ~ all rosy red and electric blue ~ it don't matter whatcha' do ~ calamity's out there waiting for you

Tranquility

Crazy Charlie

I have a friend I call Crazy Charlie ~ he chats and sometimes argues with people who aren’t around ~ I have a theory about Charlie ~ his ‘band path filters’ are worn out ~ allowing fuzzy signals of thought to slip through and travel the same pathways as signals coming from his senses ~ making it hard for him to distinguish between the sound of his ‘inner voices’ and the sound of other people’s voices ~ often the voices of people he doesn’t get along with ~ which leads me to another theory ~ thoughts from his subconscious mind ~ opinions he’s not aware of ~ get amp’d and slip through there as well ~ arriving on the same channel as a co-worker saying hello in the morning ~ which may be another reason he has trouble holding a job ~ in fact, there’s so much chatter going on up there ~ he’s always hearing voices ~ either out on the street ~ or down from the sky ~ saying things like: “what’s the matter with you ..your hair’s too long ..why do you act so strange ..and where do you do your shopping .. the salvation army” ~ pretty soon they become fighting words ~ which turn into shouting matches ~ followed by periods of observation ~ ordinarily I would say ~ the best way to avoid these confrontations is to recognize that the voices you hear are your own ~ then attempt some sort of reconciliation ~ however, in Charlie’s case, I say blow them off ~ treat the voices ~ both inside and out ~ as though they are the ranting of a raving lunatic you might hear on the street ~ shouting that the world is about to end ~ or that aliens have taken over the government ~ something like that ~ because, you see ~ they’re easier to ignore that way ~ you can always be sure there’s another lunatic out there with a band path filter that is in more urgent need of repair than your own.

Indian summer

I’m sitting on the beach watching the waves break and thinking ~ there’s a current out there ~ and I’m gonna ride it ~ I’ll start at the beginning ~ body boarding in Tahiti ~ then I’ll get on a plane and follow it north to Hawaii ~ catch it breaking on a beach in Maui ~ from there I’ll fly to the mainland ~ catch it breaking on a beach in Southern California ~ go see my sister ~ pick up my Alfa ~ speed up the coast ~ catch it again on a beach somewhere in Northern California ~ if I still detect a pulse ~ I’ll board a plane so I can watch that swell pound the coast off a point in the Gulf of Alaska ~ because maybe then I’ll feel ~ and not just think ~ but really feel ~ the rhythm of the sea ~ and the rest of the planet.

Border patrol

Life finds a way ~ that is my favorite line from the movie Jurassic Park ~ turns out border fences don't present much of an obstacle either ~ the wall going up in Naco Arizona is a tightly woven honeycomb structure ~ designed to prevent ‘footholds’ ~ but within days it became an ideal pegboard for screwdrivers ~ which allows ‘handholds’ ~ life found a way ~ I remember the words of a zen master: ‘what’s softest in the world drives what’s hardest’ ~ and when I think about the way water wears down boulders ~ or the way thoughts knock down obstacles ~ the more I'm convinced ~ life finds a way.

Evanescence

I’m getting re-acquainted with my surroundings ~ I see wall hangings I forgot I had ~ a roommate that I definitely do not have ~ I’m hearing stories about people I don’t recognize ~ there’s a road sign ahead I’ve never seen ~ and a marquis that reads Evanescence ~ w t f ~ E V A N E S C E N C E ..? ~ why don’t I remember that ~ I must have known ~ I check to see if I have tickets ~ no ~ shit ~ it’s gotta be sold out by now ~ I call Sam ~ my county bowl connection ~ and score ~ third row center ~ I guess it wasn’t sold out after all ~ I’m waiting for the show to begin ~ from my seat ~ I can read the writing on the cymbals ~ I look around and admire the renovations ~ I remember people saying how the acoustics are ten times better ~ I can’t wait ~ the lights dim ~ smoke appears ~ curtains rise ~ Amy Lee is playing piano and singing ~ and I’m enchanted ~ suddenly the beat of a bass drum hits me in the chest ~ followed by thrashing rhythms and sonic lead ~ rattling my spine and vibrating the empty spaces inside my head ~ I can feel myself scream but I don’t hear anything ~ neither does anyone else ~ Amy Lee’s voice soars above the rumble ~ haunting yet soothing ~ uplifting ~ bringing me to my feet ~ swaying with the crowd ~ this is nothing like the folk rock concerts I‘m used to ~ this is heavy metal goth ~ but I love it ~ to me ~ Evanescence sounds like a choir of angels ~ adding a layer of harmony above the disorder going on inside ~ and outside ~ my head.